view from the top

hubris

2007-06-07T11:47:00.001+01:00

It is amazing how complete our hubris and ignorance can be when we are sucked into a problem.

It is amazing to realize how we could have the nerve to think that we are the only person facing the problem.

It is amazing to think how naturally we pushed away the friends that could have helped us to overcome the problem.

Why is it easier for us to alienate than engage our families and friends when we are stuck in a rut?

What makes us think that only us have the right and ability to solve our own problems even when that is not the case?

Finally, how do we pick up the pieces, rebuild burnt bridges and participate in the affairs of the world once again when all is said and done?

For the world does not stop whilst we are busy making our decisions, executing our choices.

soliloquy

2007-06-04T11:00:00.001+01:00

I'm done with my final year exams, I'm done with my final year project and I'm done with all the usual stuffs the final year of one's degree entails.

But I am not sure whether I am done with farewells and good-byes.

I guess I never have an idealized notion, some inkling of how the final year of my degree would be like and thus I embraced the last few days of my final exams with no more than a desire to simply finish the second Comprehensive paper.

No pre-planned post exam parties, no drawn-out eulogies to mourn the passing of what one may call an era, no blaring fanfares to celebrate the joy of freedom recovered.

Having routinely slaved for 12 hours in the library for the past few weeks, I must admit that it didn't take long for the feeling of emptiness and loss to set in a few hours after my last paper.

It felt like post-Malaysian-Night syndrome all over again.

Who would have thought that 2 weeks of exams would pass so quickly, how the time in between the papers would simply flow off one's back without one truly realizing it.

Such is the relativity of time.

I would have to say though that my 3rd year exams seemed to be much more satisfying and fulfilling than the ones I had in first and second year; largely I suspect because of the dauntless friends I had during my sojourn at the library.

The exam period is taxing enough for any reasonable individual and I count myself lucky to always be in the company of such excellent friends - Irham, Alberto & Ben.

Whether it is someone to walk beside me to the prayer room or to drag me to the JCR for a quick dose of caffeine, I am extremely thankful for their presence, for they had made my trek to the finish line a bit more bearable.

It was intellectually stimulating and emotionally gratifying to simply be around them.

My only regret is that soon I have to part with these kindred souls as the year draws to a gradual but definite close.

The time has come for my final encore.

2007-04-08T20:37:00.000+01:00

The finishing line is the beginning of a whole new race...

2007-03-26T16:09:00.000+01:00

They say
the first love's most important.
That's very romantic,
but not my experience.

Something was and wasn't there between us,
something went on and went away.

My hands never tremble
when I stumble on silly keepsakes
and a sheaf of letters tied with string
— not even ribbon.

Our only meeting after years:
two chairs chatting
at a chilly table.

Other loves
still breathe deep inside me.
This one's too short of breath even to sigh.

Yet just exactly as it is,
it does what the others still can't manage:
unremembered,not even seen in dreams,
it introduces me to death

Wislawa Szymborska

of merits and empires

2007-03-25T22:04:00.000+01:00

“In all that great assembly no single man owed his dignity to anything but his personal merits and bravery; no one is distinguished from the rest by his birth, and honour is paid to each man according to the nature of the duty and offices which he discharges. There is no struggle for precedence, every man having his place assigned to him by virtue of the function which he performs. The Sultan himself assigns to all their duties and offices, and in doing so pays no attention to wealth or the empty claims of rank, and takes no account of any influence or popularity which a candidate may possess: he only considers the merit and scrutinises the character, natural ability and disposition of each. Thus each man is rewarded according to his deserts, and offices are filled by men capable of performing them.”

This was the observation made by a Flemish nobleman Ogier Ghiselin de Busbecq concerning the Ottoman court under the reign of Suleyman the Magnificient approximately around the 1550s.

In an age where feudalism and lordship still reign in much of the rest of the Europe, his account of the meritocratic nature of the Ottoman court and bureaucracy must have been nothing short but revolutionary from his point of view.

It was a system of governance which effectively pools, recruits and promotes the best of talents it has at its disposal.

It was thus a resilient and organic society which is able to continually adapt and re-invent itself to face the challenges and obstacles that comes in its way.

It was also a flexible society where one can simply rise through the rank to hold the top offices solely by virtue of one’s merits and achievements.

It was a system that ensures transparency, equal opportunity and fairness in all levels of the government, freeing it from the worries of corruption and favouritism.

Privileges must be earned, rather than born with.

It was meritocracy at its best - genuine, consistent and honest; not patchy or half-hearted.

Whilst the rest of Europe - mired with feudal infighting and sucession feuds - stagnates, the Ottoman Empire steadily propels itself forward, its fundamental framework being continually rejuvenated with fresh talents.

I believe that this was one of the main reasons for their long-lived empire; their ability to refashion and remould themselves to suit the demands of the time.

Their bold insight to place more importance on merits and abilities rather than birthrights or privileges was a masterful stroke which firmly cements their dominant role in world affairs of the time.

Why then did the empire finally crumble in the early 1920s?

I believe that one factor which contributed to their slow decline was their failure to re-invent themselves with respect to the other modern Western powers of that time, through a unfortunate mix of complacency, ignorance and incompetency.

They failed to catch up and put themselves ahead in the steady march towards modern progress in the early 20th century, eventually losing out and its territories ravenously carved up by the other Western powers.

The Ottoman Empire then gained the infamous nickname ‘The Sick Man of Europe’, signifiying just how much it has degenerated since the golden era of Pax Ottomana.

It is a path that many empires and nations have trodden - but no one seemed to take the time to pause and take heed of its dangers.

How history must be laughing at mankind for our follies…

of elections and promises

2007-03-14T21:34:00.000Z

The thing about being a leader is that you have to accomplish two things:

You have to ensure that the basic tasks of the organization you are leading are being executed smoothly by preserving its fundamental existential roles and niche.

You will also need to aspire to elevate the organization to higher standards or set the organization on a new trajectory.

The succesful execution of the latter rests heavily on an effectual maintainance of the former.

An organization could never hoped to scale greater heights if it decides to abandon the very reasons it was founded.

Indeed, those who tried to grasp the unreachable too far, too soon, too hastily will only end up falling flat on their faces.

Good night and good luck.

know your place, minister!

2007-03-11T23:13:00.000Z

It has been widely established that Malaysian politicians suffer from the foot-in-mouth disease in one form or the other, but the following might just be the worst we have seen so far:

Tengku Adnan: Bloggers are Liars
80% are Unemployed Women
updated:2007-03-08 20:11:32: MYT

(Kuala Lumpur) The Tourism Minsiter Tunku Adnan lashed out today (Mar 8, 2007) that all bloggers on the Internet are liars, out of which 80% are unemployed women.

“All bloggers are liars, they cheat people using all kinds of methods. From my understanding, out of 10,000 unemployed bloggers, 8,000 are women.”

Tengku was addressing the media at the 2007 Malaysia GP Sales when he was asked about allegations made on a blog by a female TV presenter. The guests present were shocked at first, but burst into laughter.

He said he may lose some female voters but did not retract his statement or indicate that he was just joking.

He said that bloggers spread rumours, disrupt social harmony and many bloggers are slanderous and are cheating people with their blogs.

“All bloggers are not in favour of national unity. Our country has been successful because we are very tolerant with each other, if not, there will be civil war, the Malays will kill the Chinese, the Chinese will take revenge and kill the Malays, and the Indian will kill everyone.”

He urged the rakyat not to simply trust bloggers, and gamble our future away because the achievement we gain in the 50 years of independence is not an easy task.

“We have to show the world our positive attitude, if the world learn to be as tolerant as us, the world will be peaceful, without war or civil war.”

He said that the tourism ministry has been promoting the country for the rakyat’s benefit, not just to benefit his own ministry.

He stressed that the Malaysian tourism industry is now in a critical moment as the competition from the neighbouring countries such as Vietnam, Cambodia and the Philippines will be stiffer and Malaysia must respond proactively.
[source]

I am not sure what was he hoping to achieve by making such sweeping and irresponsible generalizations.

Fine, he might upset over the allegations made by the female presenter but even then, I felt that he was way out of line in his response.

How could someone so high up in the Government be content with making such blatant statements without pausing for a second to consider its rammifications?

What good could come out by demonizing the entire blogging community, especially by zeroing in on the female bloggers?

And what on earth was the talk of "civil war" and of "the Malays will kill the Chinese etc." all about?

Does he think that the rakyat are so immature and irrational that without the benevolence and firm guiding hand of the Government, the country will quickly degenerate into civil war?

I am not sure whether I should be more insulted over the fact that he views bloggers as disruptive agents bent on tearing the country apart or that he feels that the rakyat are so myopic that they will immediately jump at the chance to attack each other if given the chance.

His statements are denigrating, intellectually lazy and offensive. Period.

There is no way he could discreetly back out, feigned ignorance or - most creatively - accuse the blogger community of twisting what he said.

This time, he had gone too far, too deep.

How about the bit about "civil war" and "the Malays killing the Chinese etc."?

Well, you are putting words in my mouth, Minister!

But I guess this statement of his qualifies as one of the "proactive" measures Malaysia has to take to woo more tourists and face off competition from other countries?

I simply cannot wait to see the outcome then - should be thrilling.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

2007-01-24T08:49:00.000Z

It snowed in London today, which just goes to show that you could never know what the weather will bring in London - even if you have been staying here for the past 3 years.

And it is not merely a light dusting of snow; it came down fast, thick and heavy with snow caught up in the branches of the trees, hugging the top of cars and coating the griles and fences.
No matter how many times you've seen it or no matter how much snow you have seen before, I think it is always difficult for me to surpress that feeling of child-like and animated wonder at the sight of the first snow fall.

Somehow, the sight of snow seemed to rekindle the hope that even after all that have happened, there will always be a second chance; that you can always choose to start anew; or to begin a fresh start no matter what or when.

So what are you still doing here then?

Turkey trip pictures

2007-01-21T23:52:00.000Z

I have uploaded most of the pictures taken during my Turkey trip at my new Flickr website; tales, detailed accounts and meandering reflections to follow soon!

In the meantime, soak up the experience - I think I'm in love ;-p

home again...

2007-01-19T09:10:00.000Z

I have always felt that to be able to write or articulate ideas and points of view are a sign of an open and uncluttered state of mind.

Mundane daily concerns, pressing deadlines, incessant worries about other people and work will inevitably affect the free spirited roaming of one's mind, initially pinning it down and if left idle for too long, it will ultimately forget how to fly.

Cleverly used, a person's piece of written work could be used to divine a person's current state of mind.

It is one of those windows to a person's mind and soul that is often deliberately left open when all others are closed shut.

Truth be told, I didn't approach the winter break with a good note - rushing and stumbling through the finish line rather than breezily passing through it.

The same could be said about the end of the winter break I guess. When the new term started, it felt as if I was still carrying the old baggage from the last term - all my troubles and uncertainties that has been haunting me since then.

I shoved them all aside, expecting to deal with them when the time is right.

I waited and waited for that time to come; I think there is a word for that in the English language - it starts with a 'p'.

I guess I am still beating around the bush even now.

I hope to write real soon about my Turkey trip, thoughts for the new year, commentary on the latest in the local sociopolitical scene once I am through and done with all these mind-numbing quandaries at the moment.

I just pray that you will not have to wait too long. See you on the other side.

talk is cheap, sir!

2007-01-13T10:10:00.000Z

The Deputy Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak was in London this week, thus giving Malaysians staying in London a reason to make a pilgrimage to the Malaysia Hall.

It is an open secret that there is a higher likelihood of you rubbing shoulders with or at the very least, catching a glimpse of elite Malaysian politicians here in London compared to back in Malaysia.

After everything is said and done, I cannot say that I am much impressed by the things he said or even the manner he goes about saying those things.

His reponses invariably ranges from 'It is a complex and delicate issue' to 'I will need to discuss the matter with the cabinet' to questions posed by the audience, which covers topics from the relevance of the New Economic Policy (NEP), jurisdictions of the Syaria and civil laws in Malaysia, the educational opportunities in Malaysia and so much more.

But then again, he is only the Deputy Prime Minister after all - a fact which was lost amongst some of the audience members who participated in the Q&A session at the end of the talk.

You may ask him about the direction the country is taking, how the economy is generally doing, what the Government is doing to alleviate the flood victims in Johor and expect a generally acceptable response but please do not go asking him about the finer details about the immediate educational pathways after SPM, the exact contents of the math syllabus for primary schools and expect him to give a complete, point-by-point answer.

The civil service is there for a reason anyway and so too the other Cabinet ministers. But I digress.

With regards to his speech, there are times I felt that he is talking more about how Malaysia ought to be rather than how Malaysia it is now and what we could do about it - which is not necessarily a bad thing but it does make one wonder he was merely being naive or simply detached with the social and political undercurrents in Malaysia of late.

One of the larger gripes I have with his speech was when he claimed - or at the very least, seemed to imply - that the sole prerequisite one needs to have for advancement is sheer hard work and then goes on to make the observation that most of the current crop of politicians came from a poor background to sustantiate this claim.

I can only assume that this so-called prerequisite apply categorically to political advancement in Malaysia, especially since intellectual merit does not feature as one of them.

He must also have conveniently forgotten his own background as the son of the second Prime Minister when making this peculiar observation.

If he believed that he could convince the audience that all you need to succeed and rise through the ranks in Malaysia is hard work, hard work and more hard work through that statement, I think he has seriously misjudged his audience's powers of deduction and assimilation.

He might have been able to get away with it if he were addressing some isolated, submissive audience back in Malaysia but he would do well to remember that the Goverment's grip of local news does not extend beyond the boundaries of the country.

Malaysians overseas are not subject to the daily onslought of the local media - replete with its biases and mind-numbing propaganda - and have a wider access to other source of information such as alternative news sites, blogs and foreign news channels.

Hence, they would not be as willing in swallowing such lofty claim especially if - in the words of the Deputy Prime Minister - it is not "backed with credible evidence."

It is safe to assume that a few of members of the audience last night are here in London precisely because they have discovered much to their despair and frustration that merely working hard and doing your best is not the ultimate ticket to grant you that "vertical social mobility" which he proclaimed Malaysia is so richly endowed with.

For all his talk about equal opportunities in Malaysia, there is still the thorny issue of the New Economic Policy (NEP) which through some obscure means has been surreptitiously transformed from special position to special rights of the Bumiputra and the Government's flip-flop attitude towards it.

He talks about the need to fine tuning the NEP to ensure that it will succeed in achieving its original aims but how does one know that when the goals are simply changed at the whims of the Government and when any useful academic discourse on the matter is completely offlimits?

He talks about building trust and respect between the races and his affection for "synergistic relationships" but how does one achieve that when there are politicians finds it more expedient to view the world through the racial prism and reduces everything to simple black versus white or us versus them disputes, running loose in the Government?

He talks about the current obsession to "manufacture human capital" to complement the country's first world infrastructure but forgets that the surest way to do so is to lead by example and to walk the talk.

He talks about the need for "accountability and transparency" in the Government but seemed more content to pass the buck around and less willing to spend the resources to set the country and Government's machinery on the path towards achieving that goal.

In the end, he is almost always saying the right things - or rather the things all of us would like to hear - but the reality on the ground is not as rosy as he made it out to be.

The bottom line is that one cannot begin to fix a problem whilst at the same time admit that there is none; one is either extremely deluded or stubbornly ignorant to do so.

And to think that such things could come out from the second most powerful man in the country is not a very reassuring thought to say the least.

2006-11-23T20:00:00.000Z

Even

After

All this time

The sun never says to the earth,

'You owe

Me.'

Look

What happens

With a love like that,

It lights the

Whole

Sky.

-from The Gift by Hafiz of Shiraz

3 years on...

2006-11-14T11:02:00.000Z

The Prime Minister earlier warned that criticisms towards him and his Government are welcomed as long as they are not malicious and cynical in nature.

Well, it is hard not to be so when all of the previous grouses are left unattended and the grand promises made during the last general election unfulfilled.

It is hard to be so when the Prime Minister seemed more content to hide behind his pathetic veil of elegant silence rather than stride out confidently in rebuttal when his Government was repeatedly attacked by Tun Dr. Mahathir.

Indeed, silence does not always inspire confidence; silence, it is often said, is a sign of willing submission.

It is hard to have faith in a Prime Minister who felt the need to grandly proclaim that he is in control of his cabinet ministers or that a particular project was solely his own idea and no one else's.

Everybody knows that the best way to gain trust is to walk the talk rather than merely talk.

It is hard to rally behind a Prime Minister who conveniently uses the notion of consensual leadership to justify his often slow decision-making process or to use the cherished ideals of an ideal society such as the freedom of the press and expression as scapegoats to mask his own weaknesses and failings.

I suspect that the Prime Minister does not fully comprehend the meaning of the notion of freedom of expression which is supposedly to be one of the shining landmarks of his administration; if he does, he would not have to warn others not to test his patience by bringing up sensitive - at least in his view - issues.

The thing you need to know Prime Minister, is that you cannot pretend to be all for freedom of expression on one hand but expecting to continue to wield enormous control over what gets talked about or published.

It is either one or the other; pick one and stick to it!

Lastly, it is not enough to just be 'nice' when you are supposed to lead a country as complex as Malaysia, though 'nice' is often the lowest common denominator amongst those who have neither the charisma or the courage for the job.

And that is a dangerous and precarious position to be in - either you are the Prime Minister or not.

But hey, nobody said being the Prime Minister is an easy job right?

and the money keeps the rolling in (and out)

2006-11-14T09:07:00.000Z

It is official then - the New Economic Policy (NEP) is here to stay indefinitely.

The Deputy Prime Minister, Najib Tun Razak said so in his opening speech at the UMNO General Assembly - that infamous yearly event where UMNO politicians get to amplify their sense of self-importance and feed their machoist tendencies, often through obscenely shameful displays of racism.

The irony in this whole issue is that most Malaysians have long suspected that the NEP vehicle will never be stopped; only UMNO politicians continue to delude the rakyat and themselves by giving the impression that when the right time comes, the NEP will be disbanded.

However, even if the question of the ultimate fate of the NEP was left open and unanswered, the door for any discussions pertaining to any aspect of the NEP is shut tight.

The act of questioning the validity of the NEP has long been a taboo for both the Malays and non-Malays - the non-Malays risk being labeled as opponents or threats to the integrity of the Malay race while the Malays risk being branded as traitors to their own race for doing so.

In the view of the UMNO politicians, only they - the so-called UMNOputras - have the wisdom, skills and determination to tinker, oversee and make statements about the NEP; it is perceived to be purely their exclusive domain.

It does not matter to them that the NEP which originally seeks to address the economic imbalance between the Malays and non-Malays and in the process becomes an instrument for national unity has now become one of the dangerous divisive factor among Malaysians each time it is discussed.

It does not matter to them that the NEP is seriously compromising the competitiveness of the country as a global economic player and threatening to reduce Malaysia's attractive to foreign investors in the long run - the damage of which is considered to be worthwhile in the name of protecting the integrity and status quo of the Malay race.

It does not matter to them that the long dependence of the Malays on the perks and quotas provided for by the NEP has left the Malays wanting for more, complacent and under-performing besides feeding their own bloated sense of supremacy, behaving like little sultans in their own private fiefdom.

It does not matter to them that 2 independent research studies have shown that with the right methodologies in place, the value of the Malay equity has long surpassed the targetted 30% set by the NEP proponents early in the 1970s. Even the figures released by the Government showed the Malay equity share value hovers somewhere between 36% before it was hastily withdrawn and replaced with a new lower figure.

If the Government cannot even get its own statistical data right, much less even consider the results provided by others, how will they know whether the NEP is giving the results they are hoping for? How will we know the direction the NEP will eventually take the nation in the future if we are in effect flying blind?

The Government's shitfy attitude in divulging the accurate value of the share of the Malay equity is akin to the act of the changing the goalpost in mid-game and reeks of something fishy that stinks to high heavens.

This act has also reinforces the long-held suspicions that the NEP is nothing more than a conduit for the well-connected to consolidate their wealth and gain easy money.

It is then no wonder that most UMNO politicians go all out of their way to religiously defend its apparent relevance - their very survival depends on it!

Personally, I do not mind if some poor rubber tapper in the middle of Kedah are benefitting from the NEP; but the obvious situation to us all now is that such people are not.

The NEP - which has been reincarnated under different guises over the years - has been vulgarized, its original aims have long been betrayed. It is now nothing more than a facade, a pretense to generate wealth rather than to redistribute it.

Its original noble intentions have been skewed to satisfy the whims of a select few whilst jeopradizing the future of the country on the whole.

The implementation of the NEP - being a bold social engineering program it is - needs to be continually and regularly monitored, its effectiveness evaluated to ensure that it will not take us to where don't intent to go in the first place.

Therefore, the lack of transparency on the Government's behalf and the blanket ban on any dialogue pertaining to the NEP are disappointing to say the least and irresponsibly reckless at most.

How long will the Government turn a blind eye to this matter of national importance, I do not know; but one thing for sure, the rakyat are blind no more to such transgressions.

Nonetheless, one thing is clear: the more UMNO and the Government in general tries to push for and justify the continuation of the NEP - which has degenerated into something totally different and passed its expiry date - the more hypocritical they will look and the stronger the backlash they will get from the rakyat - both from the Malays and non-Malays.

When that fateful time comes, when the tipping point is reached, the fallacy of this whole thing will be revealed and hopefully then, a new chapter in our country's history will begin.

let's be frank, shall we?

2006-11-10T12:37:00.000Z

Where do you see Malaysia going in the future with the NEP in place?

Drop your comments here; I expect a commentary to follow soon.

a birthday wish...

2006-10-06T06:14:00.000+01:00

I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

london blues?

2006-10-02T12:26:00.001+01:00

So I am back in London for the start of my 3rd year; countless packed boxes have been opened, personal stuffs sorted out, stories, experiences and pleasantries exchanged and a whole new house moved into.

My brand new place is not too bad - it is better in most aspects compared to the one last year; the kitchen is bigger and lighter, the bathroom floor is not in any danger of giving away from below our feet and the bedrooms are way more spacious and have a kinder and more intuitive layout.

Of course, the different thing this year for me is that I am sharing the cavernous front-facing bedroom with Fairuz.

Considering that the last time I actually shared rooms with anyone was nearly 3 years ago in Banting, I reckon that this will be a truly wonderful experience at best and an interesting experience at worst.

I believe that sharing a room with someone else is more than just the breaking down of physical walls; it should also be complemented with the breaking down - or at the very least the slow decay - of any psychological inhibitions one might have towards the very notion itself.

It should not mean the complete erosion of personal privacy but a coexistence built upon mutual respect and humility and most importantly, generous amounts of empathy and sensitivity.

That said, I guess it will be a learning experience for me.

It is a funny thing but when I landed at Heathrow and stepped out of the airport onto the tube to London, I cannot help but to feel a little sad and sentimental about having to leave Malaysia.

There was some sense of yearning to go back home, to turn my back and take the next flight back to Malaysia - it feels very much like the feelings I got back when I was a fresher.

I admit that I cannot fully explain it but I think it may have something to do with the feeling of having to 'give back' to my parents and siblings that I mentioned in my previous entry.

In other words, I felt the need to be there for them, to be around them - physically and emotionally. A feeling - which in this case - exerts a strong enough pull upon me for home.

When I think about it, I have been visited by a fair share of this feeling of inadequacy, this feeling of my inability to reciprocate, give back and help those I care about.

I felt that I have always been asking from them but I have never been able to offer anything in return to them.

I am not sure what I should make out of it but I think a friendship - or any relationship for that matter - that is solely driven by the need to 'provide' for the other person is rather superficial.

Because if that is the way things work, then each side will try their best to not do anything that will hurt, offend or insult the other person.

It may seemed altogether blissful but the mutual feeling of happiness is only but a veneer under which any discontentment is subconsciously suppressed and automatically set aside.

And friendships does not work that way.

For any true friendship to bloom, lines must be occasionally crossed, niceties sometimes forgotten and harsh words exchanged in certain situations.

There will be times when you will learn a lot more about someone else by contradicting them rather than agreeing with them.

That is not to say that one should go all out to be nasty to others but to realize that a friendship that is not made to endure, will not.

Agreeing to befriend someone is an easy thing to do; enduring that someone is a different matter altogether.

But as regards to the earlier issue about my longing for home, my feelings are somewhat calmed when I viewed their photographs taken during the London/Paris trip over the summer.

Seeing their smiling and contended faces fill me with warmth, confidence and a reassurance that everything will be alright.

It is good to know that someone somewhere sometime is always thinking about you - especially if you feel the same way towards them.

leaving on a jet plane...

2006-09-29T16:59:00.000+01:00

My last night in Malaysia and looking back at 3 months worth of summer break, I can safely say that it wasn't an unexciting one.

For the past few days, I have been bidding good byes and farewells to my college-mates who were flying back way earlier; around this time tomorrow night, I will probably be already flying over the Straits of Malacca.

I would have thought that leaving Malaysia the third time round should have become easier on me but I guess Malaysia - for all its faults and shortcomings - still has a strong pull upon my psyche.

But, it doesn't help either that I've spent a week of Ramadhan back at home this year; after all, Malaysians do have a weakness and intense longing for their own foods.

Add that to the almost daily occurences of pasar malams during the fasting month in Malaysia and you will be hard pressed to completely pick yourself up and leave the country.

However, a comforting thought for me this time around was that my family have had the chance of travelling all the way to London, experiencing the city for themselves and visiting the places, sights and sounds familiar to me this summer.

And from that shared experience they now have, I am drawing my strength to cope with my inevitable departure to London.

But for what's its worth, it was an engaging 3 months back home - more so than usual.

And as my stay nears its end, I came to the following realizations...

It is a funny thing but during this summer break, I felt that I was slowly reciprocating the deeds, kindness and help that my parents and grandparents had done for me in the past.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there was a strong sense of 'giving back' or the need to 'look after' them and I felt compelled to be there for them as they had generously done for me.

Somehow, I think that this is what the phrase 'circle of life' is all about - literally that is.

That said, I pray for the strength to protect the ones I love, the ones I am close with and the ones who have contributed much to my life.

I wish to discover my aims and purpose in life in other people, especially in those that matters to me.

Finally, I would like to know or at the very least believe that my stay here in Malaysia for the past 3 months have manage to leave an imprint, induce some change or make a difference on someone or something.

After all, that is the best thing any person could hope for - the ability to affect change.

Facing the challenges of 3rd year, I say that this entry should not be read as the beginning of an end; rather it should be read as the beginning of something truly wonderful...

Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri;
lebih baik hujan batu di negeri sendiri.

looking back..

2006-09-26T10:22:00.000+01:00

I came across this insightful and warmly meditative quotation during one of my bedtime readings last night:

I want to do the right thing, but often I don't know just what the right thing is. Every day I know I have come short of what I would like to have done. Yet as the years pass and I see the very world itself, with its oceans and mountains and plains, as something unfinished, a peculiar little satisfaction hunts out the corners of my heart.

As I look back on my second year, I am initially at loss to find the exact sentiments to describe what it meant to me and how much has it affected me.

In second year, your sense of wonderment or or naive enthusiasm have been somewhat lessen; you have grown hardy from your experiences, critical from your shortcomings, rigid from your daily routine and a little cynical from the things you encounter.

You find that you are less impressionable and slightly more jaded compared to your first year.

You would like to think that you have grown a bit wiser since your first year but you are constantly barraged with challenges that stretches the limits of your preseverance and patience that at times you felt like you have learnt nothing from your share of missed opportunities and recurring regrets in your first year.

But as you thought long and hard about it, you begin to realize that there were treassured moments in your second year.

The long nights you spent in the library completing the lab book or feverishly trying to finish reading a limited copy of a reference book and the tiring walk back home that you have to endure after that, the times when you are forced to improvise, keep your cool and learn new skills overnight during the Malaysian Night rehearsals, the deep talks you had either with your confidantes or newly found friends and openly sharing your fears and hopes over a tandoori chicken dinner.

When I think about it, the thing that stands out the most about my second year was how much networking I have done - how old friendships have been further substantiated and strengthened and how new ones are forged and maintained.

Several of the old relationships have moved on to a new level of understanding and respect whilst the new ones are striding cofidently ahead.

If there is one thing I would like to remember about my second year, it would the people I have met; the times I spent with them and the things I learnt from their interactions.

It is dissapointing to think that for some people, it is their inability to express and open up themselves to other people to be the thing that is holding them back in life.

I realized that one cannot be too fearful when one wishes to make first contact with others.

One should not think too much about not being able to say the right things or construct the proper sentences to verbalize those things because those kind of thoughts will always come to nag you no matter how good you think you are.

Indeed, I realized that you can make a mistake and the world does not come to an end. No more is this notion more beautifully captured than in the following quotation:

Sunsets and evening shadows find me regretful at tasks undone, but sleep and the dawn and the air of the morning touch me with refreshing hopes. Strange things blow in through my window on the wings of the night wind and I don't worry about my destiny.

When you put it that way, you can go about your live, take the necessary risks and tread the less-traveled path with the innate knowledge that everything will be put right again - Insya-Allah.

naguib mahfouz (1911-2006)

2006-08-31T16:10:00.000+01:00

Early this morning, I came across a news item saying that Naguib Mahfouz, the 1988 recepient of the Nobel Prize in Literature has passed away at the age of 94.

The citation from the Nobel Prize committee states that he "who, through works rich in nuance - now clear-sightedly realistic, now evocatively ambiguous - has formed an Arabian narrative art that applies to all mankind."

I first came across his work when I was back in college and when I happened to read Midaq Alley; back then, I only managed to read 2 chapters of the book.

But those 2 chapters were enough to leave a lasting impression on me - the style of his prose was clever and penetrating yet retains a certain air of ambivalence about them. I felt that there was something both familiar and alien about his description of the daily life in the back alleys of Cairo.

The story tantalizes you with intimate details of the life of its characters which at the same time serves as an effective allegory of life in modern Egypt, therefore deals with immediate issues which all of us could relate to.

To me, he masterfully weaves in the old and the new, the obvious and the obscure, the subtle and the shocking in his works.

Nearly 3 years have passed before I managed to find the book again and finished reading it when I was in London; the appeal which first drew me to his works was still strong and alive.

Personally, I feel that Mahfouz ranks together with Pramoedya Ananda Toer - the famed Indonesian writer - in a sense that both of their works have a broad appeal among readers beyond their own countries because their works function at so many different levels.

These are writers who - having a keen sense of awareness of the desires, fears and wisdom of their own people and its heritage - manage to use it as a vehicle into which they would insert sublime messages and tales that resonates clearly with the global audience.

And unlike authors who fade into the dark recesses of history long after their heyday is over, Mahfouz continues to have a genuine interest in the development and flowering of Egyptian and Arabic literature even to his ailing days.

A mark of a great author, he never forgets his role in interpreting and shedding light on the aspirations and hopes of the people and the society he lives in, cleverly balancing his own passion for writing and his responsibilities as public literary figure.

My only regret so far is that I do not have the opportunity to read and understand both of their works in their original language - Arabic and Bahasa Indonesia - for I believe that their works would yield a deeper and more beautiful meaning when read in their original language.

I think it is a great tragedy that most of us only get to know about a particular author's works only after he or she has passed away.

Imagine how illuminating it would be if we were given the chance to meet and discuss their works with them; how rewarding the experience will be!

Mahfouz once said in an interview that "if the urge to write should ever leave me, I want that day to be my last."

To Mahfouz, I bid thee farewell and I wish upon you Al-Fatihah; may you receive forgiveness and blessing from Allah and accorded a place in eternal Heaven.

Your legacy will live forever, like a 21st century Pyramid.

where do we go from here, malaysia?

2006-08-30T06:55:00.000+01:00

It is rather unfortunate for Khairy Jamaluddin to have made that now infamous statement of his, expounding how a weak UMNO will become an easy target for other political parties in the BN ruling coalition.

On the surface, his statement could be construed as an inherent lack of faith in the intention of the other component parties and a convoluted understanding in the fundamental concept of power sharing in the BN.

It paints the picture that the component parties in the BN, rather being a coalition born out from a firm commitment to common goals and values, are instead solely driven by the Darwinian instincts to survive and each desperately jostling to reach the alpha male position.

Rather than being viewed as mutual partners, the other component parties are seen as opportunistic rivals.

Perhaps Khairy has forgotten that most of the component parties in the BN are racially based and cater exclusively to the needs of their respective communities; and in such arrangements, each of them usually minds their own business.

Therefore, to suggest that another party could somehow take over the mantle of BN from the dominant UMNO is quite unlikely.

Unless of course, MCA suddenly decides to take care of the welfare of the Malays on top that of the Chinese, a situation which will be quite unprecedented if it is to come true.

In short, the BN coalition may cater for the well-being of all the races but the UMNO party will continue to serve the Malays, MCA party for the Chinese and MIC party the Indians.

As a coalition, the BN could claim to be truly Malaysian in its representation but as far as partisan politics goes, it is still divided along racial lines.

But back to Khairy, it is actually difficult to fully understand the full ramifications of his statement on the state of the BN coalition. I mean, if the other component parties were to take advantage of a weak UMNO, what does it bode for the rakyat?

If MCA were to become the alpha male in the BN coalition, is he implying that the well-being of the Malays would not be taken care of? Or vice versa?

If such fears and distrusts still run deep among our current political leaders, then we are no better than we are nearly 50 years ago when we proclaimed independence from the British.

In fact, some would even argue that we have moved backwards since then.

If we still allow narrow and unfair racial prejudices to cloud our judgement and prevent us from grasping the bigger picture of Malaysian future, then the much trumpeted harmony amongst the races are nothing more than simply cheap sloganeering.

If we could not even entrust our well-being in the hands of other races who have lived, toiled and fought along side with us for nearly the past 50 years, then does the progress we have achieved so far has any significant meaning?

I think the saddest part of this whole issue is that Khairy - who once studied overseas and exposed to a diverse environment, hence expected to have a more global world-view that transcends petty racial partitioning - had easily fallen prey to the need to prove his political worth by conveniently conjuring up a racial bogeyman fashioned in the image of the Chinese.

It feels as if in Malaysia, one of the requirements in one's rite of passage to become a full-fledged politician is to shamelessly rattle the sensitivities and provoke the backlash of the other races.

It sounds as if you will have to trample on other people's head in your way to the top; and the worst part is that we feel no regret in doing so at all, especially judging from Khairy's refusal to apologize to the Chinese.

Sadly, our country have come to a point where we no longer view racially-tinged statements, attacks and insults as something abhorrent anymore, where it is acceptable to disparage other races to fulfill our own ends.

The truth is that we are often asked to tolerate and respect other races but we have never been publicly advocated to understand, delve into and compromise with them.

It is enough for us to accept the fact that we have to live side by side in this country but we never bothered to inquire, to get to know or to immerse ourselves in the customs, values and needs of the other races.

In short, we have been living comfortably amongst our own kind, effectively cloistered and oblivious to the comings and goings of other races.

Our country have degenerated into nothing more than mutiple islands of comunities each consigned to a particular race.

With such deliberate seclusion, it is no surprise that our rational mind often take a backseat whenever issues that transcend racial barriers crop up in our midst.

We have be cooped up for so long that we begin to reflexly treat every unfamiliar thing that comes our way as a threat to our social, economic and political standing.

Even the simple and innocent request for a wider platform to discuss national issues are immediately seen as an intrusion into our own collective lifestyle and a deterioration of our own self-imposed racial supremacy.

And when we are finally coaxed into such open discussions, we seek every opportunity to prevent the issue from being further explored, everything from the classic method of invoking the ugly racial ghosts of the past to the practice of attacking the racial loyalty or religious credibility of the questioner or messenger.

As soon as the avenue for discussion is opened, we quickly concoct mutiple ways to try to shut it, our responses a sad reflection of our barely-stretched intellect.

Indeed, we seemed to prefer thunderous chest-thumping, fiery rhetoric and morally repugnant mud-slinging to get our message across as opposed to a cool and rational dialogue infused with humility and honesty.

Lately, such actions are not only limited to racial issues but has also spread to religious, social and economic issues - the fundamentally semantic battle of whether Malaysia is an Islamic or a secular state, the accusations that the Gerakan-led Penang is not giving enough attention to the Malays and the recent fighting among the students at UPM, just to name a few.

At times, it seemed that Malaysians have lost the ability to hold a civilized conversation altogether.

When will we ever learn that in most cases, the message not to the messenger that should be given more attention?

When will we ever learn that attempting to discredit someone purely because of the message he carries is not the way to gain supporters in this day and age?

When will we ever learn that irrationality never goes hand in hand with the handling of delicate issues since it could easily tear the fragile racial fabric of our country?

When will we ever learn that clamping down on the real story, whitewashing the past and enforcing a blanket ban on the painful aspects of our history would not make it go away?

It is certainly sad that as we near our 49th Merdeka, racial overtones are being non-chalantly tossed around in our political arena with endless goading from each side of the divide filling the newspaper daily.

In fact, it would seemed paradoxical for our leaders to continually enjoin the rakyat to refrain from doing anything that will disrupt the peace and harmony which we have enjoyed for the past half a century when they freely traded racial barbs with each other in the august house of the Parliament.

Until our leaders learn to eat the humble pie and adhere to their own advice, they could not expect the rakyat to take their words seriously.

After all, hypocrisy at the top will only lead to disenchanment the bottom.

Change could and would only start to occur if the very people who advocated it stick to the rules they themselves have laid down.

I think the faster we recognize how debilitating our inclination to dwell on racially-charged matters is to the country, the easier it is for us to escape from its clutches and the sooner our journey to recovery will be.

It is timely for us to realize that in this increasingly globalized word, the role which racial connotations play in our daily dealings with the world is greatly diminishing and fast becoming irrelevant.

With globalization meaning that an Indian could well be the manager of multi-million dollar company in the US or an American becoming a respected political advisor in the one of the Arab states or a Chinese as a famous expert in Malay Literature, it can be said that the notion of a particular race having exclusive control of its own affairs and matters is quite laughable.

Thus, continuing to disproportionately magnify our racial differences and propping up the facade of racial supremacy will not achieve nothing except hurt ourselves in the end.

In fact, infighting stemming from racial tensions will only create dissension within the country which will directly impair our ability to compete with the rest of the world.

While other countries are quickly refashioning themselves in order to become effective players in the future global economy, we are still hopelessly stuck in the racial quagmire and refusing to face up to our past demons.

49 years is too long a time for all of us to be in a perpertual state of denial about the state of our country and its people.

I believe it is high time to end it now and begin a new beginning.

Selamat Hari Merdeka Malaysia!

sunday in the park with the family

2006-08-28T04:33:00.000+01:00

I was away in London and Paris with my family for 4 days last week.

It was an impromtu decision of a sort for the whole family to fly into London and meet up with my dad who was flying in from New York.

And since it coincided with the school holidays, we just seized this rare moment when all of us are together, booked our flight tickets, packed our bags and jet off to London last Saturday.

I must admit that the days running up to the holidays were pretty nerve-racking; searching for the lowest-priced Eurostar tickets to Paris, digesting the extensive travel guides to London and Paris, drawing up impossibly packed itineraries to satisfy the whims of every member of my family and planning another equally thorough backup intinerary.

And even though these things are not exactly rocket science, they were by no means easy to complete - especially if it fell only on one individual to do it.

But presevere we did and I am glad that everything turned out relatively well and went smoothly during the whole trip.

I think the one thing that struck me about this particular trip was how it was a learning experience for all of us - learning how to adapt and adjust to life abroad with its fair share of restrictions, nuances and idiosyncracies, learning how to strech yourself to the limit when the burden of responsibility fell upon your shoulders, learning to compromise and make peace with delays, mistakes and unforeseen circumstances, learning how to convincingly lead others and to not isolate them.

At this point, one is forgiven to wonder - with all the lessons mentioned above - whether this trip is a 'lawatan sambil belajar' with clearly defined goals or simply another carefree family outing.

I would like to think that it was a bit of both; it was a chance for all of us to hang out and come together as a family and experience new experiences abroad. But the trip also gave us an opportunity to reflect and attain some kind of a world view of the things around us.

That said, the greatest things one could bring back from such trips are all-embracing, internationalized mindset and a broader expectations of the world besides the warm memories of a time well spent with each other that will remain etched in our minds forever.

I mean, there's no better way to understand and put into visible perspective the cocoon we've been living in than to come out of it and see it with your own eyes.

On a personal note, it is indeed heartwarming for me to be able to show to my family the sights, the sounds and the smells of the places I roamed, sauntered and been to almost every day in London.

I mean, at least now they have an idea of how it feels like for me whenever I passed through the international departure gates at KLIA.

After all, isn't an experience shared an experience gained?

Coupled that with the ones you love and it becomes truly priceless.

they asked me why i believe in you

2006-08-27T16:18:00.000+01:00

After months of rocky yet seemingly peaceful co-existence with one of my friends, we mutually decided to sever our friendship for good.

I realized that this coming from a person like myself might sound a bit unprecedented but I can't say that I didn't really see it coming.

For weeks, the conversations between the two of us have been for weeks increasingly filled with veiled cynicism, simmering skepticism and peevish bickering.

The point has been reached where talking to each other becomes agonizing where both of us are making conscious efforts to be extremely tactful to each other.

And even though we may have not parted under the best of circumstances, I took solace in the fact that I have managed to convey to him all the advice, criticisms, apologies and regrets that I have always desired to tell him.

As both of us tried to move on, I can't help but to reflect on the friendship I forged with him; I wondered what is it that delivered that final blow which effectively removed any remaining trust left between the two of us.

On my part, perhaps I was being too demanding towards him; maybe I was too persistent in my efforts to make him admit to his past mistakes, to accept his inherent flaws and hence to start changing his attitude for the better.

And then I asked myself, why was I being too harsh and demanding towards this one particular fellow? Why did I singled him out, out of my other friends? What caused me to make him my prime target for my relentless efforts to make him confess to his past failures?

Was it merely being vindictive? Was it the satisfaction of hearing him say that he was wrong? Was it because I wanted to break him and make him parade his dirty laundry in front of everyone?

Or was it out of a genuine concern for his well-being? Was it because it pains me to hear other people speak so trivially and snidely of him that I desperately wanted him to come clean and eventually right his wrongs where possible?

For his part, maybe it was simply his refusal to admit and accept his past mistakes that led him on a road of confrontation with me. Or maybe he felt betrayed when I started to criticize some of his actions and urged him to make ammends.

One thing for sure though, judging from his disproportionate reactions to my requests and reasonings, I knew that I hit a chord with him. I knew that something I said really struck close to home with him.

But I am not sure which one.

Those who knew him are aware that he has an irritable tendency to occasionally spew half-truths and weave tall tales into his account of everyday things; it was a well-known fact amongst his friends but they seldom make a big deal out of it given the situation.

One would have thought that 5 years would have knocked some sense into him but unfortunately his tendency showed no signs of abating.

It was getting more difficult to separate the fact from fiction and even in the remote case that one could verify that he is indeed telling the truth, it was difficult for most people to completely trust him.

It was a scenario with morals totally derived from the classic fairy tale story of the boy who cried 'wolf'.

It is not so much that you must not tell any lies; rather it is that if you lied once, you will be hard pressed to find people who will trust you the next time around.

It is like you are constantly and carelessly digging new holes only to find out later that you have no means to cover the holes you just dug out.

Pretty soon, you will also be in danger of falling into one of holes you have dug out.

I guess at that time, it was a logical thing for me to ask him to come clean, admit to his past mistakes and start anew. Unfortunately for me, the formula to remedy the situation is perfectly grasped but the execution remains elusive.

As a result, bickering ensues and the rest is history. From that moment on, the bridge is already crossed and burnt.

However, in my heart, I am slowly finding the courage to forgive him for the things he uttered in his fit of anger. By learning to forgive, hopefully I will slowly be able to fully absolve myself from the issue altogether.

And even though at the back of my heart, I am silently wishing that we could patch things up again, I believe that after all that both of us have said and done to each other, it would be better if we are to remain apart.

I pray that by doing so both of us will become better friends and ultimately better people.

my internship so far

2006-08-03T11:22:00.000+01:00

Working in the lab as a research assistant is not such a bad thing really.

In my case, I get to grind and prepare a superconductor sample, bake it for several days, polish and compress it into pellets, cut it using a saw into small thin tapes, freezing it well below zero Celcius and eventually measure its critical temperature and critical current.

I must admit that superconductor research is not really one of my fields of interest but after being at it for nearly a month, I must say that it is - like most other cutting-edge fields of research in physics - quite exciting.

It is less of a theoretical work and more of an experimental exercise actually.

There are refrigeration systems to be properly warmed up hours before the actual experiments starts, current and voltage probes to be carefully guided to touch the sample, temperature monitors to be controlled, voltmeters to be watched and data logging programs to be started.

At times, it can be quite frustrating when something goes wrong - and something is guaranteed to go wrong - and I have learnt to realize that the days when everything goes right is an exception rather than a norm.

It is true that for every single instance when everything goes well, there are 99 instances when things go amiss.

It is a slow, painful and tedious process that requires constant attention and I have taught myself to be grateful when anything worse did not happen.

However, at the very back of my mind, I often feverishly hope that that particular instance would be the blessed and sacred one - the instance when everything fits together nicely.

The experiment may not require any back-breaking Herculean effort - though it does tax one's hand-eye coordination - but the sense of repeated failures can severely test one's patience sometimes.

But I must admit the guidance, support and assistance I have been receiving from my supervisor have been enormously gratifying and comforting.

And I guess when you think of all the good things that happened to me both outside and inside the lab, this internship does in some way help pave the foundation and network for my future career.

Until then, I just need to trudge on, praying hard for that one single moment when everything falls into place.

out of the woods

2006-08-03T10:59:00.000+01:00

I know it's been nearly a month since my last post and one should be forgiven to think that maybe I have lost my zest and enthusiasm for writing nowadays; indeed, sometimes I wonder about it myself.

I mean, this time last year, I had one post filled with nostalgaic events of my first year in London, one post just before I departed, one post heralding my arrival in Ipoh and one post tinged with wide-eyed hope and anticipation for the summer.

None of those this year though; all I manage to scribe about was my anxiousness and growing concern on how summer this year will turn out to be. It was filled with uncertainty, dread and a sense of loss.

Looking back, I think most of my earlier fears were ridiculously misplaced, some even bordering on sheer paranoia - clearly nothing but simply a product of someone who just travelled 12 hours across several time zones.

That said, I must admit that a few of the concerns did help me better prepare and plan for the summer, especially during those precious moments in-between my thoughts.

But I guess at that particular moment of place and time, I really felt that I needed to let all of my concerns and worries out. I was desperate for an outlet and writing about it helps.

I reckon doing that was one of the few things that saved my summer plans from being irretrievably lost in the midst of hopeless confusion that was my mind.

And now, on with programme.

down the path i go

2006-06-29T17:07:00.000+01:00

So I'm finally back in Malaysia but somehow I do not feel at home. Or rather the warm, homely feeling that greets me when I returned last summer did not feel as strong, as obvious, as pervasive.

My father and brother were waiting at the airport to receive me this afternoon. And as grateful and elated I am to be able to see both of them again, something did not feel right about the entire picture.

I think that it is only a testament to how much have changed since I left for London last autumn; my sister is went off to college today to do the IB program while my mother is currently in Langkawi attending an important meeting.

I think I never really fully prepared to the fact that I will not be meeting my mother and sister at the airport this afternoon; I was told beforehand that they were not going to be there but I guess I never really fully immerse myself in that realization.

I suppose conveying facts over the phone does little, if at all, to prepare you to face the real thing - especially if you are geographically separated by 12,000 km.

I admit that I was a little disturbed and unnerved by my mother's and sister's absence. It is like one of those first impression things - you need to get it right at the very beginning or forever you will be damned.

Not that I do not appreciate my father's and brother's presence at the airport - I really, truly and deeply do.

But there is that nagging feeling at the back of my mind reminding me that there is some form of incompleteness to this scenario.

And as selfish as this may sound, I wondered whether I could have spared myself the anxiety if I had choose not to come back for the summer at all.

But then again, maybe it is too early to tell. Perhaps something wonderful, something great and most importantly, something familiar with happen soon.

Something to jog those vague memories of old.

I suppose that is the feeling of my homecoming this time around - rushed and unfamiliar.

With the plans for my internship at UKM still floating in mid-air and the anticipation that certain things will have to change, I would be lying to myself if I were to say that I am not apprehensive at all about it.

The uncertainty of it all is simply depressing - especially when you cannot see too far ahead down the road.

But then again, perhaps that is precisely what makes it worth traveling in the first place.

a warning one must not ignore

2006-06-25T09:53:00.000+01:00

And so it goes on - Mahathir last week renewed his critical remarks and scathing attacks on the current administration headed by Pak Lah, responding to the 'answers' given by the members of Pak Lah administration towards Mahathir's earlier queries.

In this latest round, Mahathir's attacks reached new stratospheric heights when he implied that someone else - a 'brilliant Oxford graduate' - is controlling crucial government decisions from behind the scenes.

Ardent followers of Malaysian politics have no doubt exactly who he is referring to.

I do not know to what extent that statement is true but I think one thing that this entire episode between Pak Lah and Mahathir had clearly revealed to us all is that there are a lot of behind-the-scenes, shady and unspoken dealings within the Malaysian government.

I think more than anything else, it gave the public a glimpse of the discreet discussions and underhanded political maneuvering that took place at all levels of the government; it shows us the tussle of power being fought between the different blocs and interest groups in the government.

Granted, such things may exist in almost every government in the world; I always have the impression that there is an 'invisible hand' pulling the strings and nudging the government in certain directions.

I felt that being Malaysians, we are always quick to pre-suppose that there is often an underlying reason, a hidden machinery at work which moves the gears of the government rather than take the official versions given by the government at face value.

For instance, in the case of the half-bridge in Johor, we much prefer to believe that the decision to build the half-bridge in the first place was because a select few individuals in or related closely to the government would benefit financially from it rather than see the project as benefiting the entire nation.

Similarly, when the half-bridge project was discarded, we are more inclined to look beyond the official explanations provided by the government and instead, tried to search for a far more sensational and more realistic - at least to us - reason.

I am not saying that it is entirely fanciful or wasteful to do that because at times, such degree of probing could disclose several important matters behind certain actions taken by the government, hence giving greater insight into the governmental machinery.

But one must not get too carried away with it as well; if we are inclined to look under every rock and stone for answers rather than taking the rock and stone at face value, we may find ourselves in a position where it is exceedingly difficult for us to separate the truth from fiction.

I guess there is a fine line between being insightful and being delusional; once the line separating the two is crossed, there is a danger of our prophesizing to become self-fulfilling.

And in the running of a government, such situations bids trouble and disaster to its well-being.

Of course, the quality of the decisions made by the government is as good as the quality of the information it receives from the public. The government cannot be expected to act in a just manner if those responsible for providing continual feedback on the latest development in the country sugarcoat their reports and statistics.

Hence, the role of an unbiased, honest and critical media is important in the smooth-running of the delivery system of a government; just as significant as the role played by a credible and strong opposition and a trustworthy and selfless circle of advisors.

If the media fail to realize the importance of their role in the hierachy of the society, they are in danger of leading the society astray because they have the power to shape and fuel the opinions of the general public.

The media should see itself as an independent entity from those in power and act in a manner fitting for those in such position, rather than allow themselves to be a pawn in this sly political game of chess.

The media coverage of the on-going battle between Pak Lah and Mahathir reflects how the local media have failed in this respect.

By skewing their reports towards one party and posturing their editorials into a defensive position, they only manage to highlight how lame and weak one of the party is compared to the other.

In this case, I guess there is something as too much of a good thing.

Much worse than that is such actions by the media to spoonfeed the masses with shameless one-sided propaganda leaves the public incapable of effectively evaluating the current situation on their own.

I believe the danger of this is that eventually the public - who has suffered total media blackout on such issues or if they are fortunate, to be fed constantly with convoluted spin on such issues - will loose sight of what is at stake for themselves and the country if such confrontations continue unabated.

After all, if you are too occupied with the things going on directly in front of you, you would not have much time to look far down the tracks, to see down the road and where that road would eventually take us.

Because at the end of the day, the battle is not so much a conflict between two diammetrically opposite personalities but also a battle for the future of the country and its people.

It is a shame if the grudges and differences between two individuals threaten to plunge the country into the abyss.

But then again, bigger and stronger empires of the past have fallen due to similarly trivial fracas involving individuals of lesser significance.

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 3]

2006-06-14T13:50:00.000+01:00

PART 3: The Best Foot Forward

I believe the best course of action for Pak Lah at the moment is to deliver promptly the promises he made when took over the mantle of leadership nearly 2 years ago.

Unfortunately for him, he has suffered several serious setbacks in his promises for reform and the feeling of discontent is no longer limited to the middle classes but has also been felt by the lower classes as well.

The middle classes may be largely responsible to push for the creation of the IPCMC - the rejuvenation of the police force free from the scruples of corruption and malaise of disrespect towards basic human rights.

They may also have called for the creation of a wider platform to openly and respectfully discuss what used to be deemed 'sensitive' but now urgent and relevant issues of race, religion, equality and Malaysian identity, without which we risk to be awash in the tidal waves of globalization.

The lower classes have also starting to feel the pinch with the rise in petrol prices, taxes and electricity tarriffs. The first thing to cross their mind may not be the fine line dividing the jurisdiction of Syariah and civil laws or the proper code of conduct for the police force but that's because the realities of their lives are totally different altogether.

And they cannot be faulted for that.

But the issues of petrol prices and electricity tarrifs do affect them - and it often hits them the hardest - and it won't be long before their simmering discontent turn into outward anger.

And when that happens, Pak Lah will have a real trouble in his hands.

I think what most Malaysians find truly worrying about the current spat between Mahathir and Pak Lah is the repercussions it will bring to the stability of the country - politically, socially and economically.

Truth be told, Malaysians are not used to see the political pendulum of the Government swinging back and forth so violently, so rapidly, so eratically.

Most of us - or the current generation at least - have never lived through any political crisis in our lives, so we are unsure of what to anticipate from the current clash being displayed to us now.

I believe to the products of the older generations - our parents or grandparents - these recent events are relatively tame when compared to the what happened in the transitions between the previous Prime Ministers and to other political in-fightings that occured in their midst.

Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that the outcome of the current clash between Mahathir and Pak Lah is going to be determined just as much by the political manoeuvres at the highest levels and also by the perceptions, opinions and judgements of the people of this country.

I think the very thing that bugs me most about this fiasco between Mahathir and Pak Lah is that the people involved in it tend to think that it is an internal political party issue and therefore should be kept out of the public eyes.

It is not.

It is not simply a matter of a trivial succession issue for the post of the Prime Minister in Malaysia is not hereditary but is a creature of the law and it being the creature of the law is accountable to it.

It is not simply an internal UMNO issue because the issues involves are national issues and the party which runs the country is not solely UMNO but a collection of parties under the banner of Barisan Nasional.

It is not simply an issue of Mahathir's legacy and the need to protect it because the deeds of good men does not require any defending.

It is not simply an issue of reciprocity or gratefulness of the latter to the former because the real masters in the country are not the politicians but the its people.

I am certain that several politicians will continue to follow the developments of this confrontation between Mahathir and Pak Lah in the next few weeks and will readily offer their opinions, views and advice.

But I guess it is difficult to distinguish between the opinions of those who have a stake in the matter and those who have nothing to gain or lose in speaking up.

I believe Pak Lah will confront the issue in good time and in ways befitting his character and personality, be it through explanations provided by his cabinet ministers or by maintaining his 'elegant silence.'

But I truly believe that his best defence is action. Firm and sustained action.

The ambiguity of silence does not to dispel the feelings of uncertainty and apprehension among Malaysians of how this drama will eventually turn out in the end for the respect which that silence commands at the beginning may soon turn into doubt.

The way I see it, let Mahathir asks the questions and let Pak Lah provides the solutions.

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 2]

2006-06-14T12:49:00.000+01:00

PART 2: It's Just A Facade

I believe that Mahathir have every right as a citizen of the country to voice his misgivings about certain unfavourable (and unfortunate) turn of events in the country's administration. I also believe that Pak Lah was right in letting Mahathir do so without any restraint.

But I do not believe that Mahathir should be given the widest berth of free speech simply because he is the former Prime Minister or simply as a sign of reciprocity by the current Government towards the elderly stateman.

I think it is disturbing for some people to think that Mahathir should be listened to just because he was once at the top or to show a degree of gratefulness to what he's done for the country.

I think he should be listened - yes - simply because that is his fundamental right as a citizen of this country. Nothing more than that.

In fact, why should the voice of a single person - regardless of the political office he held before - be greater than the combined voices of nearly 20 million other Malaysians?

Aren't the rest of us worth listening to as well? Will the Government stand up and take notice only when someone of eminent rank speak up - and one with palpable sarcasm too?

The Government feels that it is wise to answer Mahathir's questions; I believe it is too. But in the meantime, maybe they should do well to re-examine the reason for doing so too.

After all, one disgruntled voice is easy to answer to, but 20 million disgruntled voices could easily jeopardize one's political shelf life.

One pertinent point that Mahathir made concerns his ex-Cabinet members; since Pak Lah maintained that all of the government's decisions were made collectively - including to scrap the half bridge project - he wondered how could so many ministers made a full U-turn in their stand barely 2 years after they consented to it while he was in power.

He further argued that if the ministers disagree with the half-bridge proposal, then they should have voiced their concerns and ultimately resign their from their posts as a matter of principle.

But then again, this being the Malaysian cabinet and having perfected the art of 'closing one eye' to certain uncomfortable disclosures, it is hardly unexpected to see the ministers to act in such a wishy-washy manner, even if it pertains the well-being of the country and millions of taxpayers money.

One might argue that since Mahathir's time, new information have come to light and thus their decisions have been forced to change or 'adapt' accordingly to the new circumstances. Fair enough.

But don't tell me that all of them could not have foreseen trouble looming ahead if they decided to steamroll this proposal through without due consideration. Are they so afraid of Mahathir's wrath to disagree with him? Is Mahathir so deluded to think that he could not bear to listen to any opposing views towards his decisions?

I think that crux of the matter here is not 'collective responsibility of the cabinet', 'chance re-evaluation of the pros and cons of the matter' or 'unwavering loyalty to the Prime Minister'.

I believe the prime reason for such flip-flop attitude of the ministers towards the half-bridge issue is plain selfishness on their behalf.

The currencies they deal with are not 'personal principles', 'well-being of the people' or 'protecting the country's interests'; they only recognize the means which only serves to prolong their political careers and preserve their political sway upon the people.

In short, they will support any proposals, ideas or opinions that will ensure their political survivability, even if it means going against their own wills and intentions.

Some of them even go as far as to claim Mahathir as being irrelevant, or that Mahathir should stop speaking out or that his time has passed; the very same people who under Mahathir, heaped endless praises and idolation unto him.

Are they doing it to douse the fire of conflict that is threatening to consume them or are they trying to prove their worth in Pak Lah's eyes? You tell me.

There is an English word which perfectly describe such disgraceful behaviour which begins with the letter 'h'. I will give you a hint - it is not honesty.

I guess it is easier for them to do that since they have long lost their moral compass and sold their soul in subservience to their respective political parties - as many previous incidents can attest to.

Besides, isn't it easier to ignore something if you no longer have it with you?

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 1]

2006-06-14T11:19:00.000+01:00

PART 1: Prologue

Malaysians have a lot of diversions on their hands lately and the recently started World Cup tournament - though being able to captivate audiences numbering the billions from all over the globe - is merely one of the distractions being afforded to us Malaysians nowadays.

The other is of course the on-going skirmish between the former and the current Prime Minister, Mahathir and Pak Lah.

Although the battle between these two individuals have been simmering for the past few months, it has entered a whole new level last week when Mahathir unleased his most scathing and personal attack yet upon Pak Lah, coming close to denouncing his authority as the democratically elected Prime Minister of Malaysia.

I believe that many Malaysians - especially those of my generation who had never known life under any other Prime Minister than Mahathir - are unnerved and slightly shaken by spectacle unfolding before their eyes.

We had lived the most parts of our lives venerating and looking up to the vision, wisdom and courage of Mahathir.

We have roamed the places which he had so boldly conceived and planned such as KLCC, KLIA and Putrajaya.

We have enjoyed the plush comforts which his unrestrained drive for excellence has brought us such as the advent of satellite TV like ASTRO or the rapid proliferation of Internet technology like broadband.

Our worldview have been coloured by his own with our gaze shifted from the West to the East, tinged by a small dose of antagonism towards Western ideas.

In short, his influence and persona has permeated our daily lives, our mindset, our attitude and our way of doing things.

For us, the memories of the previous three Prime Ministers are nothing more than just dry descriptions confined to the history books, which seemed to belong to some distant and obscure past of our country.

But Mahathir's contributions and achievements feel conveniently accessible to us.

We expect that with his retirement, the verdict on his contributions to the country have been passed, thus forever sealing his rightful place in the country's history.

We thought that his legacies will remain untouched, unquestioned and preserved for posterity.

Pak Lah's ascension to power marks a new chapter in the country's history; he instituted his own brand of administration upon the country, implementing various ambituous reform measures and radically changing the country's economic and social priorities.

Gradually, several of the projects and plans initiated during Mahathir's era were put on hold or terminated altogether.

We were told that certain expenditures that are acceptable under Mahathir are no longer acceptable under Pak Lah. We were told to adjust our lifestyle to cope with the rising prices of world commodities and basic necessities.

However, we were also given a wider forum for expression; we were encouraged to speak out againsts the misconducts of government officials and were promised wide-ranging reforms to battle bureaucratic red tapes and corruption.

Pretty soon, the first salvo was fired by Mahathir regarding the distribution of the Approved Permits (AP) for imported vehicles; then it was about the management (or rather the mis-management) of Proton.

From then on, the feelings of discontent and resentment slowly snowballed over the months.

The final blow came when the Government decided to shelve the convoluted half bridge project replacement to the current causeway between Johor and Singapore when Mahathir accused the Government of selling out the dignity and interests of the country.

Suffice to say, things didn't become any better since then for it has already passed the point of no return.

the impossible dream

2006-06-12T12:33:00.000+01:00

the other side...

2006-06-10T10:09:00.000+01:00

My second year final exams eventually draw to a close on Thursday with the Quantum Mechanics paper. The paper itself was alright - not too difficult and mostly do-able. In fact, I actually enjoyed doing it.

I hope that I could say the same for my Electromagnetism paper but alas, I have long known that I might have to struggle a little for that paper. At least the Optics bit went well for me.

Another disappoinment for me was the Application of Quantum Mechanics and Electrons in Solids paper; not so much that the topic was difficult - the topics are relatively straightforward and I enjoyed both of them tremendously. But as they say, the devil is in the details - some of the equations I used are off by a factor of 2 or maybe a missing factor of h (Planck's constant). So even though I wasn't entirely wrong, my answers weren't wholly right either.

As for the rest of the papers - Statistical Physics, Thermodynamics, Sun, Stars & Planets, Maths - I believe I did pretty well on all of them and I am thankful for that.

Funnily enough, I didn't welcome the end of my exams with as much gladness as I would like to this year - not that I usually do that is.

Perhaps it is because my second year exams felt more like one long marathon rather than a 100 meters dash and as such, one doesn't come to rely on a short burst of momentum or a quick feeling of exhilaration to get oneself through it.

I started the race without being able to see the finish line - which doesn't imply any failure of foresight on my behalf - but somehow changes my attitude towards the whole notion of the exams.

It is not something just to be done and gotten over with; it is not something that exist just to be conquered or subdued; and it is certainly not some Goliath that demanded to be slayed.

Rather, I believe it feels more like a journey, the fruits of which you gather along the way and the final destination only serves as an impetus for you to start the journey in the first place.

In other words, the ends lies in the means itself.

I suppose there are subtle differences between the first and second year exams; the subjects more challenging but equally more interesting and engaging; the workload heavier but more fulfilling and so on and so forth.

I don't know but somehow the second year exams felt less like a platform for you to prove your worth or your standing among your peers but more like an exercise to test whether you can cope with the long periods of mental and intellectual excitation.

It is not a test of speed but a test of pace; not a measure of aceeleration but of endurance.

At least, that's how it felt to me this year as I pondered over the revisions I did, preparations I made and the actual exams I took. And I enjoyed every minute of it.

I admit that I could have done in some aspects or invested a more concentrated effort on certain matters. There are always plenty of room for improvements - and I think this come about not solely because something had gone wrong.

I suppose when you begin to see your exams not as a one off or a once-done-I-am-okay thing, you will perceive your past mistakes and hesitancy not as the end of the world but as a minor detour, a course correction you will have to make if you wish to continue your passage down this choosen path.

I am not suggesting that one should tolerate incompetencies or obvious flaws, but trying to eliminate them altogether is not the way to go either.

Ignorance might be a convenient trait to have but one does not live in this world purely for convenience's sake, right?

I've made the journey and reached the other side. But my satisfaction lies not in ultimately reaching the destination but in travessing the path in the first place.

Because sometimes, as much as you would like to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, you will miss the faint shimmer of the gems of opportunities in the dark that surrounds you.

And once you have reached the end, perhaps you will find that light at the end of the tunnel might not dazzle you as much as you thought it would, for it only seemed so earlier because of the darkness you were in.

And sadly, there are no resits.

a journey reflected...

2006-05-20T10:17:00.000+01:00

This blog is now officially 1 year old; this time 1 year ago I ventured into the blogging phenomenon.

And how far I have come since then...

I wanted to thank all those who had taken the time and effort to read and reflect on my posts, offered their own comments, thereby initiating a most interesting and enriching discourse - to me at least - on several current and relevant issues.

There is nothing more satisfying and exciting to me than to see ideas being vigorously tossed around, dogmatic point of views challenged and new ideas put forward to replace old one - done in a spirit of respectful openness and rational fair-mindedness.

All of these are but a glimpse on the new vista of opportunities that will knock at our doorstep if we are willing to open our minds, expand our perspectives and listen to others.

It is a situation ripe with intellectual activities and counterpoints. And that must surely be a sign of a fertile ground for change and betterment.

I say, let the good times roll ;-p

for my mother...

2006-05-14T23:46:00.000+01:00

(a dedication to my mother, a woman of amazing strength and grace)

As the sun rises in the east
And sets in all its glory in the west
Time passed and the years flew by
I was far away from home, out of the nest.

In the bitter cold of the winter's night
I wrapped a layer of wool around me
Here all alone in a foreign land
How I wish it were your arms hugging me.

While the independence was welcomed
I could not help feeling a little helpless
I had to run my own life as it were
And cold, lonely nights made it much worse.

You always remained in the shadow
Of every applause heard, every accolade received,
You never asked for any acknowledgment
You merely gave and continue to give.

Adapted from My Companion on Life's Journey by LAUREN LIM

bersempena hari guru...

2006-05-13T21:40:00.000+01:00

Berburu ke padang datar,
Dapat rusa belang kaki;
Berguru kepalang ajar,
Ibarat bunga kembang tak jadi.
(Dedikasi kepada Hari Guru dan guruku tercinta)

Dialah pemberi paling setia
Tiap akar ilmu miliknya
Pelita dan lampu segala
Untuk manusia sebelum manjadi dewasa.

Dialah ibu dialah bapa juga sahabat
Alur kesetiaan mengalirkan nasihat
Pemimpin yang ditauliahkan segala umat
Seribu tahun katanya menjadi hikmat.

Jika hari ini seorang Perdana Menteri berkuasa
Jika hari ini seorang Raja menaiki takhta
Jika hari ini seorang Presiden sebuah negara
Jika hari ini seorang ulama yang mulia
Jika hari ini seorang peguam menang bicara
Jika hari ini seorang penulis terkemuka
Jika hari ini siapa saja menjadi dewasa;
Sejarahnya dimulakan oleh seorang guru biasa
Dengan lembut sabarnya mengajar tulis-baca.

Di mana-mana dia berdiri di muka muridnya
Di sebuah sekolah mewah di Ibu Kota
Di bangunan tua sekolah Hulu Terengganu
Dia adalah guru mewakili seribu buku;
Semakin terpencil duduknya di ceruk desa
Semakin bererti tugasnya kepada negara.

Jadilah apa pun pada akhir kehidupanmu, guruku
Budi yang diapungkan di dulang ilmu
Panggilan keramat "cikgu" kekal terpahat
Menjadi kenangan ke akhir hayat.

USMAN AWANG

a nation on a short route to disaster?

2006-05-08T00:13:00.000+01:00

The Prime Minister's take on the issue which lead to the BBC Chairman Datuk Shahrir Ahmad's resignation:

Prinsip Barisan Nasional (BN) yang tidak membenarkan Ahli Parlimennya menyokong usul pembangkang di Parlimen adalah kekal dan perlu dipatuhi semua anggota.

So in principle, Datuk Shahrir was in a serious breach of party conduct when he supported the Opposition's bid to investigate the claims made in the NST newspaper report against the Jasin MP, with regards to his dealings with the Customs office.

I find this so-called 'party principle' perplexing - what is the practical basis of such ruling?

Solidarity? Facade of unity? Perhaps.

But what happens when the will of the party does not concur with the need and desires of the public - the very people who elected you in the first place?

The logical thing to do is to resign. Fair enough.

But what does this ruling say about the party as a whole? Sure, it is a fine way to ensure that all party members toe the line.

But what does it say about affecting and initiating changes within the party? Is it able to evolve and respond to external circumstances if all that it demands from its members are their unwavering devotions whilst suppressing any vehicle for change?

When you think about it, the argument for solidarity and unity does not seemed so valid anymore.

A party who refuses to listen to its members and opresses any dissenting voices from within risk eventually of being stagnant, apathetic and out of touch with the realities of the current political landscape.

It doesn't take a genius to deduce what would happen to such parties if they remain oblivious to their own internal shortcomings - history is replete with countless warnings and examples of such situations.

It is foolish to assume that a single dissenting voice would be able to tear the whole party apart; surely, the party is made of sterner stuff than that.

However, if the party is held together not by a commitment to integrity and sound principles, but instead racked with tribal-like allegiances greased by shady money politics, one can understand why dissenting voices - even if it is in the minority - are much feared and loathed.

Even if the desire for solidarity are made in good faith, why then are our MPs so susceptible to make the broad and often misleading conclusion that everything and anything which comes from the Opposition are detriment to the country's interest and therefore should be rejected outright?

Are they so blinded by divisions along partisan lines and consumed by party allegiance that they feel safe to simply abandon their faculties of reason and common sense?

Does joining a political party requires you to be accountable first to the party and second to wishes of the public?

Does joining a political party means having to sell or throw away your own conscience?

I believe one should always focus on the content rather than the messenger; in this case, the merits of the Opposition's proposal should take precedent regardless of the person who originally proposed it, especially when it concerns the integrity and honour of the Parliament.

To nonchalantly push aside any proposal which seeks to extract the truth over the matter simply because it came from the other side reflects badly on the mentality and maturity of the MPs besides exposing their sheer narrow-mindedness.

Furthermore, it makes one wonder: are they not capable of rational thought at all?

It is a sad day indeed for Malaysia.

for whom the bell tolls?

2006-05-07T10:40:00.000+01:00

The de facto Law Minister, Dato' Nazri Aziz gave the following interview in the wake of the resignation of the BBC Chairman Datuk Shahrir Ahmad to the NST (7th May).

(Warning: may contain some nauseating statements and logical inconsistencies)

The first salvo:

Thesis: As a rule the Barisan Nasional does not support any Opposition motion or resolution.

Justification: They too don’t support us. When the Government referred Karpal Singh (DAP-Bukit Gelugor) to the Rights and Privileges Committee, the Opposition did not support it. They voted along party lines, they refused to accept that Karpal could have committed what he was accused of.

Conclusion: So along the same lines, I, as deputy Whip, cannot allow any BN member (going by the Opposition motion) to be referred to the Rights and Privileges Committee.

The second salvo:

If anything, the party involved (Customs and Excise Department) should have lodged a police report or reported it to the Anti-Corruption Agency. Those are the agencies which should be investigating the claim. Not the Rights and Privileges Committee.

Let other agencies do it. MPs are not above the law.

I am unsure why the MPs are so adamant to finding out the truth behind the newspaper reports; if the reports are proven untrue, then the names of the MPs could be cleared by initiating an investigation into the matter. After all, isn't 'berani kerana benar, takut kerana salah'?

I suppose the MPs will conjure up other excuses - no time, not important, have other important things to discuss, only an Opposition's attempt to discredit the MPs etc. - though I would think that their recent jaunt over the bow-ties being worn in the Parliament constitutes a graver waste of precious hours, which could be used to discuss other pressing, less superficial issues.

I think any sane-minded person if wrongly accused, would agree to any attempts to clear his or her name; only if the person have something else to hide would he balk at the suggestion.

It is as simple as that; if only the MPs could see it that way.

The third salvo:

Does anyone sense the paradox in the following statement? First he said:

I believe the Jasin MP is not wrong in what he did. We are called upon everyday for help by our constituents. I also do that as an MP (to help constituents).

For example, someone gets arrested by the police in my constituency, he comes to my office for help. I go and mitigate on his behalf with the OCPD. Is that obstructing the authorities from doing their job?

Afterwards, he concluded that:

Either way, whatever it may be, it is up to the authorities concerned. They make the decision, we can only mitigate on behalf of our constituents.

Mitigate: make less severe, painful or serious.

If someone wishes to mitigate the matter or lessen the punishment being meted out as stipulated by the law, shouldn't one take the matter to the courts rather than using one's political connections to 'close one eye' to the infraction?

If the judgement is made through the avenues of law, shouldn't the matter of negotiating it be done through similar channels?

Only then one can ensure that one has acted bona fide in the matter, and not by directly interfering with the course of law.

And true to the Malaysian way, Nazri made the following sweeping generalization - with the belief that implicating more people would make the offense seemed less severe:

If the Jasin MP is guilty, then all MPs are guilty of this ...trying to help constituent.

Finally, the piece de resistance:

Q: Will there be a day when BN backbenchers will be able to vote according to their conscience and not according to the party line?

A: I don’t think so. We are in Parliament because of our party. People in Padang Rengas voted for the Barisan Nasional, not for Nazri. If you are not affiliated to any party, then you can vote according to your conscience. That should not be a problem.

I guess this is how Nazri views the MPs in the Parliament: mindless automatons and simply yes-men of their respective political parties - not elected representatives of the people.

In his mind, conscience and political allegiance does not go hand in hand. It is also clear which one of the two is more valuable to him.

Perhaps he is implying that most MPs should abandon their conscience when discharging their duties and responsibilities.

What happens if the desire to 'help the constituents' contradicts with the wishes of the political party?

Whom do you serve then?

if sometimes you wonder why...

2006-05-05T20:26:00.000+01:00

You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power; maybe not in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action.
But if you do nothing, there will be no result.

Fond tributes to those who believes in doing the right thing:
MGG Pillai (1939-2006), Zubir Yahya (1952-2006)
and
Promoedya Ananta Toer (1925-2006)

selamat jalan buku
selamat sampai di ibukata
ibunya rindu...

Al-Fatihah...

police force - paper faces on parade?

2006-04-01T12:14:00.000+01:00

Judging from the vehement oppositions to the establishment of the Independent Police Misconduct and Complaint Commission (IPCMC) shown by both the members of the police force and several of the BN MPs, I think it is perfectly justified for us as Malaysians to be cynical towards the outlook of the country in the near future.

I think one could not ask for a clearer or bolder display of misguided superiority that the police force have towards an unyielding commitment to transparency, integrity and accountability - a notion which is quickly being reduced to nothing but a hollow catchphrase in the current Malaysian political landscape.

Notwithstanding the fact that their opposition may constitute a blantant insubordination to the Prime Minister who himself agreed 'in principle' to the establishment of the IPCMC, I think what is even more fundamental is the betrayal of the trust invested by the public in the police force.

It is fair to say that Malaysia is not a police state and it thus follows from it that the Prime Minister's prerogative is greater than that of the Inspector General of Police's (IGP); and hence the intentions to which the latter susbscribe to must not contradict that of the former.

But I think if one were to follow that line of reasoning one step further, we will come to the obvious conclusion that ultimately both the Prime Minister and the IGP are beholden to the Malaysian citizens.

And I believe that this is the point that matters most.

Sure, it is certainly worrying if the PM and IGP are at odds which each other regarding such matters as vital to the country as the state of the police force; but it is even more troubling, catastrophic even if the aspirations of the IGP does not match up with that of the people - especially those whom the police is entrusted to protect in the first place.

By rejecting the establishment of the IPCMC from the outset - whilst being fully cognizant to the less-than-favourable perceptions the public have towards the police force - the IGP clearly needs to do some hard soul-searching and reflect upon his immediate priorities.

Refusing to improve oneself even when one is stuck in a fairly dismal state constitutes doing a grave injustice to oneself. Shutting out any possible avenues for change and betterment when someone else is counting on you is an even graver offence still.

But then again, it is possible that the IGP have no inkling of the public's perception towards the police force or else he knew but choose to ignore it out of his convenience - out of sight, out of mind perhaps?

Either way, it does not present a hopeful picture for the country. Besides, a public official who choose to do something out of convenience is practically putting his country on a short route to disaster.

How could someone so high up in the hierarchy be so blind and ignorant to the desires and wishes of those whom he is supposed to dutifully serve, both above and below him?

But then again, maybe he is busy pursuing other pressing concerns, such as enforcing 'uniformity' - in a visual sense I believe - among the police force, as highlighted in the recent tudung issue.

Time and time again, our country's administrators never cease to amaze me in their innate ability to busy themselves with the most banal and mundane matters.

The reasons given for the enforcement of wearing the tudung among female police officers at official functions and parades are uniformity and 'to reflect the Islamic values present within the police force.'

I find it perplexing for one to don the tudung just for the sake of uniformity; it reeks with superficiality. I do not believe that Islam prescribed woman to cover their aurat just for the mere sake of enforcing uniformity.

I believe that the wisdom behind the practice goes beyond that.

Therefore, I think for the police force to enforce the wearing of the tudung and to justify it solely in the name of uniformity is a great offence and insult to the real wisdom behind the practice of covering the aurat in Islam.

And as for trying to 'reflect the Islamic values present within the police force', it seemed to imply that similarly honorable and admirable values are absent in other religions worshipped by non-Muslim members of the police force.

Are Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism totally devoid of the fine moral values present in abundance in Islam? Is Islam the only religion to preach its followers to be kind, to have high moral integrity and to have utmost respect for others?

One is extremely deluded to think so.

In addition, I think any faithful Muslim would abhor any attempts to associate Islam and its ideals to the police force given their controversial conducts lately - images of the nude-squat case, the shaving of heads and the treatment of detainees readily come to mind.

One can argue that not the whole police force is at fault and that the past scandals are reflective of only a few rotten apples within the force.

Fair enough - one certainly should not make broad sweeps of generalizations in such things.

But for the remaining members of the police force to have let the situation to degenerate into such a shameful state speaks volumes of ineffectiveness of the internal system of check and balance currently in place, if there is one.

The crux of the matter is that it have been clearly outlined that there are serious problems within the police force and recommendations to remedy the problems have been put forward.

To try to dodge the matter any longer would do nothing but to further harm the reputation of the police force and does not help in rebuilding the public's confidence and trust in them.

One can try to run away from the real issue at hand or to shut away the criticisms by conjuring up trivial rules and regulations one after the other but without an honest, sustained and critical initiatives coming from the police force itself, change may be glacially slow in coming.

After all, one can indeed try to cover a rotting carcass in order to hide it; but sometimes, the stench is just too strong.

you've got a friend

2006-03-29T00:46:00.000+01:00

In the beginning, I decided to slowly tread this unknown path, whilst at the same time silently hoping that it will eventually open up new avenues for you and me.

The journey was a lot smoother than I expected it to be and the lessons I learnt from you left a deeper imprint on myself.

It was a satisfying, enriching and refreshing experience and I enjoyed it tremendously.

But somewhere along the way, I deviated slightly - a slip of tounge, an undignified gesture, a careless remark - and now nothing is the same as it was before.

Discomfort, skepticism and silence ruled the scene.

And now as I try to patch things up together, I knew that it could and would never be the same again no matter how hard I tried.

In the end, I must make peace with the fact that I took the chance, used it to the fullest - and also made a blunder.

And even though the road may seemed long and taxing and the journey slippery still, I would not give up and walk away.

For in you, I have found a good and true friend.

ic mnite 06 - one step further...

2006-03-06T18:37:00.000Z

I always thought that having experienced the Malaysian Night last year would have at least prepared me in some ways to cope the customary ups and downs that usually trails the end of Malaysia Night every year.

I thought that I would not affected as much as I did last year when the curtains finally came down on the show, the last group photos with each other taken and the final congratulations, hugs and high fives exchanged.

At least, I thought that I would spared by the painful feelings of emptiness, loss and loneliness that accompanies the closure of the show and marks the end of a long arduous journey.

I thought that I have seen it all, experienced it all, heard it all that I could expect from the Malaysia Night phenomena.

But alas, I was sorely mistaken. This year's Malaysia Night - like the Malaysia Night from previous years - brought with it so many surprises which I am slowly beginning to understand and absorb.

Before the actual Malaysia Night, whenever someone asked me how this year's Malaysia Night would be like, my response would be that it would be different in many aspects compared to the previous ones.

But now that it is over, I realized that a better word to describe it would be that it is unique in a lot of aspects compared to the previous productions - ranging from the script, casts, dances, props, costumes, website, tickets etc.

The Malaysia Night is always unique in a sense that it is not a one-night thing; the show presented on the actual night itself is a culmination of months of toil, hard work and effort from a diverse group of people with varying degree of talents, commitments and attitude.

The Malaysia Night not only reels you in, it embraces and overwhelms you in all its wholeness, complexity and grandeur; it is not only a showcase of Malaysian culture to be appreciated by the audience but a physically and mentally stimulating/taxing ritual to be experienced by those who are involved in it.

But I believe that with this year's Malaysia Night, we had significantly pushed the creative boundaries.

The script and plot of the story itself was different since it delves into the seldom-talked-about topics of the our superstitions and beliefs, the nature of which makes it inevitably unpalatable to some members of the Malaysian audience.

But venture on we did.

The props were revolutionary since it involves not only the creation of the normal backdrop (which on its own was truly spectacular) but also demands the makings of 3D props which needs to be set up during the intermission - a logistical and creative challenge in itself.

But venture on we did.

The approach to costumes were different because we actually need to make some of the costumes required for the show apart from borrowing some of them from members of the society and Tourism Malaysia; not only does it involve managing the costumes we already have at our disposal but also effectively setting the overall look for the characters and the show.

But venture on we did.

The dances performed presented its own set of challenges; from choreographing the Bollywood dance (with its mellow tone), bringing to the fore the classical dances of Asyik and Gamelan (which is difficult to get it right and easy to get it wrong), coordinating the explosive dikir movements to choreographing the dance to the music of the historically famous Michael Jackson's Thriller song. And at the same time ensuring that it fits and flows with the story yet different enough to distinguish it from those performed by other universities.

But venture on we did.

All of these along with several other significant improvements - the smooth flow of the technical aspects of the show (sounds, mics, lighting, runners, ushers), the bold new design for the tickets and many more - inevitably gave this year's Malaysia Night an 'experimental' edge to it.

In short, it would be an immense triumph if we could pull it off but a big disaster if it failed.

And what a professional show we put on; I personally thought it was in a class of its own.

As for my own involvement, I am extremely proud of my Zapin dancers and Asyik/Gamelan girls - they really owned the stage that night and put their very best; I am really thankful to have them as my dancers and also eternally grateful to Nik for patiently guiding me with Malay dances.

For the costumes, I am lucky to have a truly amazing partner by my side always - Song; no words could describe the sheer amount of gratitude, admiration and respect I have for her. She have been my closest confidante and my fiercest critic, ensuring that the job gets done.

The juniors have been supportive as regards with costumes details and dressing such a motivated bunch have made all of our efforts really worthwhile.

My encounters with the rest of the MNite team had been an enlightening, insightful and satisfying experience for me; like all other endevours, we had some bad moments but most of them are good. There were moments of despair, hopelesness, tension but equally many moments of laughter, sharing secrets and elation.

I realized that however different each of the MNite team may be with their own quirks, attitudes and demands, every one are determined and set out to do the task and responsbilities that have been entrusted to us to the best of our abilities.

The challenges we faced requires us to improvise, make quick decisions and ultimately keep the show going.

It was the desire to keep the tradition of excellence of IC's Malaysia Night that kept us going and after last night, I think that was as close to perfection as we would ever get given the circumstances of the situation.

That said, I am certain that the writings will definitely be on the wall for many years to come.

ic malaysia night 2006

2006-02-25T11:03:00.000Z

We're breaking many new grounds this year with this production...

Brave new world indeed!

as we beat on ceaselessly

2006-02-25T10:49:00.000Z

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—
and there was no one left to speak out.

Sometimes you just have to keep trying and trying and trying in the hopes that change will eventually come.

Indeed, there is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind.

And even when the situation seemed bleakest, you must have faith that common sense and fair reason will ultimately prevail over myopic and selfish viewpoints.

It is a despairing task but someone has to do it, right?

shhh, quiet please....

2006-02-15T16:28:00.000Z

The smooth running of an organization depends mainly on the belief that everyone else in the organization will try their very best and exhausted every means in order to accommodate each other.

It runs - albeit paradoxically - on a clear demarcation of one's roles and responsibilities but at the same time glued together by the notion of respect and trust on other people's competence.

Therefore, one needs to know precisely when to interfere, to make demands on other people and when to back off and leave someone to his task alone.

Failing to look after each other or turning a blind eye to other people's failings and flaws could drive the organization to its untimely demise. In this case, ignorance is nothing but a short-lived bliss before the impending doom.

On the other hand, trying to control too many aspects of an organization would strectch one's limits dangerously too far, too thin. At the end of the day, one may end up running the entire organization oneself, disposing off the need for the other members altogether.

But I guess at the very basic level of any organization is the notion that everyone when given a task will do his or her best to execute it; it is the belief that everyone will do their task fairly, dillgently and with the fullest commitment.

Even when the other principles are thrown away, at the very root of any organization is the belief that you can trust someone to do a task just as good, if not better, as you would yourself.

After all, isn't that the point of forming an organization in the first place right?

However, when certain quarters felt that that particular trust have been misused and the matter is not honestly adressed, it will only lead to increasing exasperations, silent grumblings and eventually the slow rot within the organization.

An organization with a rigid and unbending hierachy will not be able to withstood the oncoming onslaughts of change nor could it refashion itself fast enough to adapt to the ever-changing trends around it.

Rigidity and dogmatism used to be related to strength and survivability but the new catchphrase of this new era is flexibility and transmutability. The former concepts now belong to the rubbish bin of history.

The stuffy, stale and closed atmosphere of the previous decade have been replaced by an airy, fresh and open one, illuminated primarily by the light of an increased proliferation of and greater access to information.

An organization thus could not afford to blindly hold on to its old practice; an unbiased and clear reflection of its strengths and weaknesses must always be made in order to ensure its survival.

The organization must be restless in a sense that it must always seek new ways to improve itself; after all, not all who wander are lost.

Its strength is not measured in terms of for how long a particular strategy it came out with manage to last; rather it is now measured in terms of how many good strategies it is able to come up with in a particular period of time.

To do that requires the organization to muster all of its resources, to carefully evaluate the potential of its member and make full use of their relevant talents and to ensure the succession to the top positions are not mired in elements of favouritism or elitism.

An air of honest openess, transparency, accountability and genuine respect for others must permeate the organization which gives everyone their share of self-worth.

That said, it is certainly a huge shame for any organization - no matter how great or small - to

crumble just because of the failure of its leaders to do something as simple as to openly listen to the dissenting voices within it.

Indeed, the ability to listen is sometimes a more profound measure of a person as compared to one's oratory skills.

who watches the watchers?

2006-02-04T09:59:00.000Z

The recent flare up over the treatment (or rather mistreatment) of 11 elderly men by the police whilst in detention is just but a series of issues which have significantly risen the already tense and delicate political climate back in Malaysia.

It seeemed that Malaysians are treated to more and more of such ridiculous theatrics, bumbling misjudgements and grave oversight lately.

The situation would not be so worrying, if only it doesn't involve issues pertaining to religous conversions, deteriorating competence in governance and financial accountabilities.

Personally, I am appalled and sick by the treatment given out by the police towards these men. True, their game of mahjong during Chinese New Year might have been a valid cause to round them up but taking the liberty of shaving their heads are truly uncalled for.

It is even more worrying to hear the police chief's justification for such acts: so that the detainees will have a positive look and remember, so that they will not return to the lock-up.

If that is case, then why don't I see every single person who have been released from lock-up have had his head shaved?

Even if the police wish to inculcate a positive image, does the severity of their crime (if it qualifies to be one, that is) really warrants it?

What positive image does the police wish to create upon the detainees and the public if the detainees are forced to spend their Chinese New Year in lock-up without proper access to basic amenities then have their heads shaved without their consent?

Indeed, I believe that the police should worry more about their own positive image rather than trying to impose it on others, given the pervading less than complimentary perception which the public have towards them.

It is certainly troubling to think that when you are under detention by the police, you might come out with your dignity stripped away, your physical characteristics changed and your basic rights trampled.

Correct me if I am wrong but aren't the police supposed to be upholding and preserving the law?

Sure, the police argued that the right to shave hair is a mandatory procedure under Section 9A of the Lock-Up Rules 1953 but that does not give them an absolute green light to simply do so, right?

I am sure that when the lawmakers proposed that procedure, they have expected the police to exercise some good and reasonable judgements and discretions of their own.

Blindly following the law to the last letter without comprehending the context and circumstances of the situation is no better than having no law in the first place.

When one is required to follow the procedures outlined by the law, it does not mean that one 's sense of good judgement and sensitivities could be simply thrown out the window.

One should never put one's conscience and considerations on hold in the name of following procedures; public officials who put their so-called 'duties' ahead of their own conscience is putting their country on a short route to disaster.

Doing so will lead to the transgression of rights, widespread anarchy and a crisis of confidence.

Even if the police force does not think as far as being accountable to their own conscience, they should have realized that their actions, given the recently abated 'squatgate' case, does nothing to improve the public perception towards them.

Furthermore, given the importance of the police force as the backbone to the security and harmony of the country, their image in the eyes of those whom they are sworn to protect matters greatly.

Any lapses of judgements or deviations from their expected behaviour bode ill to the well-being of the country, eventually affecting the forward strides made by the country.

It is a simple issue of trusting others and being trusted oneself; once that trust is betrayed, it will take some time for it to be restored - provided that it could.

Indeed, these actions by the police have been viewed by some as a form of retaliation by the police towards the recommendations made by the Royal Commission coupled with mounting criticisms directed towards the police force lately.

Does the feeling of superiority permeates the whole hierachy of the police force to the extent that they think that they themselves are way above the law? Do they seriously think that they are beyond criticism wherever it is due?

The police force should not feel victimized by the flood of comments and criticisms they have received lately; they should not think that they are being singled out among all the public offices or being intensely prosecuted by the public.

True, it is not uncomfortable for one's actions to be closely scrutinized, one's intentions dissected but the very position of the police force within the Malaysian social strata itself means that such things are inevitable.

Therefore, rather than insulating themselves from criticisms and showing open resistance to change - which is akin to trying to hold back a oncoming storm - they should just take them with stride, openly and honestly.

Only with an unbiased and sustained reflections and efforts for improvements from both inside and outside the police force can they come out of this storm they are in at the moment with as little damage to their standing as possible.

After all, how can we expect the police to protect the public if they could not even bring themselves to face up to and exorcise their own demons in the first place?

fool me once, fool me twice

2006-01-24T18:27:00.000Z

Voicing out concerns, pointing out flaws in a system and gently chiding others to buckle up are not the easiest things to do in a friendship.

Some friendships endure, most does not. Even for the ones that does, it just doesn't feel the same anymore.

There is a sense of apprehension within you the next time you meet that person; you're anxious to know how will the person react to it in the long run, or whether they will at point in the future, suddenly bring the matter up from out of the blue.

It is a precarious and delicate situation. Besides, it always leave a bad aftertaste even long after it has passed.

That is the reason why I usually try my best to refrain myself from immediately or openly speaking out my concerns.

Ideally, you expect the targeted individual to, at the very least, try to genuinely listen to what you have to say.

But the world is not an ideal place. Fair enough.

After all, you cannot assume everyone to be open-minded, mature and insightful, can you?

However, what bugs me most about this is when the person voicing those concerns gets the rap for speaking out.

Even more frustrating is when the person who have the right to voice those concerns are cowed into silence out of fear of possible reciprocal actions.

How then does one cope with such situations? How does one voice one's concerns to someone who refuses to listen at all?

Is it true that one have just to keep trying and trying? What's the use of banging one's head into the wall if it's clear that it will not bring it down?

I always believe that the best insight or revelation should come from within. But being humans, we cannot always rely on our conscience to direct us in the right moral path all the time.

Most of the time, we will rely on the opinions of those closest to us, those who know us well enough, those who work with us, those who are under our supervision, those who have been in our position before to be our moral compass.

How else can we hope to improve ourselves if we shut off such avenues for betterment?

I think that in denying ourselves that need to be corrected by others, we are performing a great injustice to our own self.

One may doubt another person's intention to comment and criticize us, but does the source really matter if deep down inside, we believe that the comments and criticisms are true?

Besides, not everyone spend their entire lives thinking up pointed criticisms to be thrown at others. No one is so important to warrant that much attention.

Indeed, refusing to listen to what other people have got to say about you - good or bad - serves little to preserve your image or standing; instead it reinforces the notion of how deluded one can be.

But what about those who have the right to criticize? Should be keep their opinions to themselves? Should they be silenced once and for all? Should they be flagrantly labeled as mischief-makers or a threat to solidarity?

What hope - if any - is left for them? Should they continue speaking out, praying that one day change will come and their actions will be vindicated?

It is a grim outlook and the light at the end of the tunnel seemed a very long way off.

Indeed, sometimes when I am faced with such predicaments, it makes me wonder who is the foolish one of the two actually.

responsible act as responsible do

2006-01-24T13:22:00.000Z

Responsibility is a lonely word these days.

Not many people are able to understand its meaning - whole and true - anymore, much less live by it.

The past few weeks of my life have been coloured with an exhibition of a series of serious lapses in responsibilities by various people.

I think it is fair to assume that each and everyone of us accidentally neglects ourshare of responsibilities; we play when we are suppose to work, we sleep when we are suppose to study.

The bottom line is that everyone gets distracted from time to time.

But what happens when one's distraction becomes a cause of one's absence? What happens when you stopped doing the things people elected you to do? What happens when you started to betray the trust and expectation that other people have put upon your shoulders?

I believe the main reason behind such lapses is because that particular person does not have a thorough idea or inkling of what his position entails and expects him to do.

They come into the position expecting it to be a smooth, easy-going ride all the way when it seldom does. They are unprepared for the challenges, tensions and heartaches which comes with the package.

And when they find that things aren't as rosy as they have expected it to be, they either rough it or lose it altogether. Their unpreparedness might cause them to lean more towards the latter rather than the former.

Even if they choose to rough it, their perfomance may not be the best that they can give. And in certain circumstances, doing something half-heartedly is no better than not doing it at all.

The point I am trying to make is that whenever people's expectations doesn't match up with real life, the outcome will always be below par and the process of getting there will be frought with complications.

Therefore, people who take up something without a clear idea of what his job requires him to do, will often find themselves trapped in a situation where escape is a matter of infinite hope.

Often the case, they will have to go through it nonetheless, albeit grudgingly. This does not imply that the person is altogether unsuitable for the job; rather he have mistakenly choose the job which befits his interest or talents.

And I feel that such people neglects their responsbilities because they yearn to escape without realizing that they will be in the game for a long time.

People who expects to be served wine but instead receive plain water will have to realize that the plain water will never turn to wine no matter what. They might as well get used to it because that is all they have to keep them going.

There are also people who shirk away from their responsibilities to focus only on the things they like, whilst conveniently relegating his other responsibilities to somebody else.

The thing about having responsibilities is that you do not always get to do the things you like all the time. Often, you will occupy a higher position of having to mobilize, coordinate and direct others to ensure everything is running smoothly.

Some people thus view their responsibilities as an opportunity to indulge in the things they enjoy. If such attitude permeates an organization, I believe that the outcome will be overdeveloped in some parts but underdeveloped in most parts.

Nothing great could come out from an organization whose leader cherry-picks his responsibilities and mixes his personal indulgences with his responsibilities.

I guess this is a crucial yet subtle point to bear in mind - the distinction between one's personal, private preferences and one's official, formal responsibilities. In an organization, the latter takes precedence over the former.

Once one blurs the distinction between the two, one risk restricting the important discourses within an organization to an elite few and at the same, alienating oneself from the rest of the organization.

Besides, how can one lead a pack of sheep if one is not fully aware of whether there are any wolves in the midst?

If that happens, it would be as if the organization is running on autopilot; it is moving but you cannot really see far too much ahead. It may feel as if one is putting lots of effort, but it does not add much to the eventual outcome of the situation.

But then again, one is lucky to still have the organization on autopilot; worse still, it could be doing a nose dive.

However, one cannot expect to know that if one is busy savouring the luxurious service and sumptuous delicacies in first class, can one?

Most of the time though, some people will tend to have this deluded impression that by performing his responsibilities, he is actually doing a great service or favor to the organization.

With that notion permanently etched at the back of their minds, they will assume that they are above any criticisms, comments or suggestions. They will automatially rebuke their detractors with the overused cliche "do not bite the hand that feeds you."

Unfortunately, they have understood everything in reverse; when one is given a responsibility, the organization is not beholden to you but it is you who are beholden to the organization.

Therefore, when you slack from doing what is expected from you, then members of the organization have the right to question and make you accountable for it. The members are not just being troublesome by doing so, they are just exercising their rights.

And if one views a person's rights as an inconvenience, then perhaps you should start by denying yourselves of your own rights.

A person who denies others their rights should not have the luxury of having one in the first place.

A person who denies others their rights so as to cover his own incompetencies and insecurities should be made to eat the humble pie.

One does not make one's candle brighter by unjustly extinguishing other people's candles; besides, even a single candle looks awfully bright in a dim room.

Being responsible goes beyond the superficiality of labels, positions and recognition. It often means working honestly, dilligently and being fair to everyone without fear or favour.

Being responsible is seldom a short route to popularity and the rewards does not come easily. It stretches your wit, tests your courage, drains your energy and saps your tact.

But for those with a clear conscience - which stems from a pure intention - and backed with sufficient amounts of willpower would find the journey personally enriching.

what you see is not what you get

2006-01-12T10:57:00.000Z

"Is Malaysia a racist country?"

That was the question that was asked to start off the discussion amongst my friends at one of the gathering we had. I must fairly admit that I was taken aback by the question and it took me a while to recover my senses before I could muster enough 'strength' to answer it.

Several aspects of the question struck me as peculiar: Was he expecting a clear-cut 'yes' or 'no' answer from the rest of us? Why does he have to highlight that particular characteristic - if it is at all a valid one that is - of the country? How could he have simply make the connection between those two things - Malaysia and racism - and conveniently phrased it in a direct question like that?

My immediate response to his question was "What do you mean by the word racist?"

Silence. Dumbfounded looks from all of them.

I asked it again, "How do you mean Malaysia is - if at all - racist? Do you have a list of criterias in mind about what makes a country racist and you find that Malaysia fulfilled all of these criterias? Or do you simply make the conclusion that just because Malaysian comprises of many different races, therefore its people automatically are called racist?"

Once again, my questions are met with complete silence. They seemed to be at loss to describe what they personally understood by the term 'racist'.

And that is the problem.

You put forward a question asking whether such things have such characteristics and yet you have no clear idea of exactly what those characteristics are.

It is like driving blindly at night without your headlights on; you have no clear view of where the road will lead and you won't even know whether you have reached your destination because you don't even know what and where it is supposed to be.

Personally, I felt that the question was asked because I sounds provocative and a little cliche' to most people. Many people think it is easy to start the ball rolling on such questions, but that depends on the quality of the discussion you intend to have.

It is the kind of question which have the potential of generating a lot of interesting discussions and bringing forth a multiplicity of views but if not approached properly or phrased in the right manner, it would not bring you any closer to the answer - if there is one that is.

It is the kind of question which could be both discussed in the Parliament, at international academic conferences, written in detail in thesis papers or at the mamak stall in the corner.

Everyone can contribute their views and opinions to it. But the quality of the discussion they get out of it may differ greatly.

In the case of the discussion I had amongst my friends, I believe they were a little misguided because they insist of obtaining a 'yes' or 'no' response. The crux of the matter is that such questions often does not have such categorically neat answers.

To insist on answers of such nature is akin to trying to plug a square peg into a hole; you can invest a huge amount of effort trying to answer it but you are actually getting nowhere near the answer.

I truly despise people who have a tendency to frame everything into black or white without even considering the possibility the grey area in between those two extremes.

They ruthlessly reduce the complex interdependency and the delicate interplay between the different elements of an issue into simple, neat 'rightist' or 'leftist' groups. For them, if something is not in A, then it must be in B, assuming that A and B are the only groups available.

I realized that to a certain degree, all issues require that kind of reductionist treament but to frivolously apply it to the extent that you lose your sensitivity to the minute and fine details is slowly leading you into an intellectual dead end.

In this case, my friends have applied such treatment to the issue of race in Malaysia. It is like trying to limit a person's whole vocabulary in his daily communications into just several words.

And to do so does nothing but to bring in more confusions, introduce weak presumptions and create divisions where there are initially none into the matter.

Done enough times over and this will eventually be considered as the only way to view the matter. Worse, some people might even make the damning leap of faith to assume that that is the true nature of the matter.

And when you have people who conveniently compartmentalize their views into clear cut categories without even stopping to think of the other possibilities, streotypes, prejudices and generalizations begin to flourish.

Opposing views are scorned upon and restricted. The diversity of opinions are frowned on and suppressed. The intellectual landscape eventually becomes sterile.

I think in Malaysia, we are sometimes inadvertertly and unwillingly lead into this kind of thinking. Every social, political and economic issues affecting the general public are cast in such a way that the distinctions between the victims and the culprits are overly highlighted to the point that it is second nature for us to swiftly point the finger of blame to someone, without even looking at the big picture or critically examining the matter.

The routine are always the same each time: an issue crops up, the media will highlight it, government officials will give their 'formal' response, someone will become the sacrificial lamb (often not the ones who deserved it) and after a few weeks, the issue will die down.

The whole thing plays out like it was scripted to the very last letter. And we simply allow ourselves to be washed away by the excitement of the moment and did not reflect or look deeper into the matter.

We do not take heed the calls for or allow room for intelligent discourses on the issue which might have offered us with a more lasting solution rather than a knee-jerk response Malaysians are so famous for.

In short, we allow ourselves to be taken for the ride.

Similarly, in the case of my discussions with my friends, most of them thought it was an exciting and exhilirating topic to talk about. And did they talk like their lives depended on it, fiercely defending their own views and trying to force them into each other's throats. But at the end of it, nothing truly profound and memorable comes out of it.

They made the mistake of finding and coming up with the answer that wasn't there to begin with. They made the mistake of trying to simplify the racial issues which have been plauging Malaysia for so long into a simple clear-cut black-or-white issue.

They fail to comprehend the complexity of the subject and by doing so, they have neglected a large section of the argument which eventually leads them astray.

I often think that people who have a tendency to make such simple categorization did so because their minds cannot comprehend the fine details or aspects of the issue. The subtleties of the argument and the little nuances in the words used are lost in them.

I must admit that it is frustrating speaking to people like that. You cannot seemed to get them to understand that there is more to the matter than just black-or-white; they do not appreciate the intricacies of the matter or the problem at hand, the different sensitivities which needs to be taken care of and simply bulldoze their ideas through no matter what.

They stubbornly hold on to their views and refuse to hear any word against it. In some cases, they will even go as far as to censor you altogether. And when that happens, there will be collateral damage; people silenced, editors sacked and media impotent while the instigator scurry away freely.

It is true that it is frustrating having to deal with people like that; but then again, if they prefer to remain in their cloistered, monochromatic world which barely mimics real life, who are we to coerce them to get out of it, right?

However, these people are the same people who will accuse those who accepts and appreciate the diversity of views present as being wishy-washy, an idealist or too theoretical. One of my friends even called my thoughts and writings about Malaysia social, economic and political problems as 'building castles in the air'.

These people are so keen to protect their own views, the purity of their opinions so much so that they begin to attack other people's views. It is a cowardly thing to do actually - attacking others to make oneself look good.

I mean, even a single candle will look bright in a dark room if it is the only candle present.

Besides, idealist we might be to them but deluded we are not.

As for my friend's discussion, it might be interesting to note that everyone in that discussion were Malays talking about what is obviously a Malaysian question. Then, it comes as no surprise that they end up proposing the formation of a Malay discussion group to tackle such issues.

A truly one dimensional answer to a complex three dimensional problem I think.

After all, one's mind may be simple, naive and straighforward but our lives are not necesarily so.

dancing into the new year

2005-12-31T13:51:00.000Z

2005 have been a year of many new endeavors for me, where I - to a varying degree of success and competency - wrote, acted, danced, travelled and skied. I did certain things which I would have never dreamed of ever doing in the previous year.

I guess that's the wonderful thing about new years for me - it teases us with the possibility, presents us with the opportunity and eventually gives us the means to start something new.

I do not know what will the new year have in store for me, but one thing for sure, I am going to be way busier then.

With that in mind, I am not wishing for any particular thing to happen to me, or for someone to do something for me, or to be able to go someplace sometime soon; no, I won't wish for those kind of stuffs.

All I pray for the new year is for the ability to find some tranquilty, some solitude and calmness in the midst of all the things I will have to do next year.

Some people like the feeling of being swept away by the unceasing and torential currents of their daily routines. They make themselves so worked up with their work and fill their heads with worries so much so that they cannot think of anything else. Indeed, I reckon that these people know of no other way live their lives.

But then again, I am making a grave simplification here; some people do not have the choice to refuse that kind of lifestyle, and some chooses it because it makes them feel good about themselves.

I guess it depends on what you wish to accomplish at the end of it all, as soon as the dust settles down or the sound fades off. Besides, I don't pretend to be an expert at living life to the fullest myself.

That is not to suggest that one should take life trivially or carelessly; we need to be on our toes and to look where we are stepping next. But sometimes we tend to look ahead too much or to where we are going to step next too often, that we forget to take in the scenery around us.

Of course, it is easier said than done. It is all too simple for us to be swept away by the tides of our lives and to eventually lose sight of the shore. Certain things are just beyond our control and reckoning.

Naturally, all of us will have our busy days, days when our minds are occupied to its brim, days that we just wish would hurry up and end as soon as possible.

But even then, I believe that we have the choice to make some space for some moments of calmness and clarity. Moments to recollect our thoughts, re-examine them and cast them in a new light.

To be able to savour those moments would truly mean that we stand a good chance to overcome almost everything that life might throw at us. And to be able to do that in turn implies that you have the great ability to cope.

It is not an easy thing to do actually, coping with stuffs. It requires a paradoxical mix of the strength and resilience of the mind coupled with its flexibility and dexterity.

One must be strong enough to grasp incoming challenges at its hand but graceful enough to dance with it according to our whims.

But once you have mastered that ability - the ability to cope - I am certain that you will be able to glide through life a little bit better.

For the ability to cope is for me personally, a sure sign of wisdom.

Happy New Year 2006 everyone!

fools rush in...

2005-12-29T11:20:00.000Z

These past few days running up to the new year have been to me like a blur of images and memories.

People rush in and out of my life, events unfold and abruptly ends, stories shared and immediately set aside, the thought of work being gradually pushed to the back of my mind whilst at the same time begging to be attended to.

As much as I wish that I could remain in a sentimental, nostalgaic and reflective mood at the moment, I'm afraid that I do not have that luxury now.

There are too many things to be attended to - revisions for the new year test, problem sheets to finish, essays to write, dances to choreograph, costumes to design and manage, guests to entertain and a household to maintain.

It is one of those times when everyday seemed to rush by you and you find yourself trying to hold on to something, trying to grapple on anything that could give a sense of perspective and some peace of mind.

It is the time when the flow of time is not measured in how many hours or days have passed but rather how many things did you manage to accomplish in a single day or week.

I know that life consists of a series of flurry of activities and events, but somehow the word 'flurry' doesn't quite justify the present situation I am in.

You wish you could be given some breathing space but before you could settle down and take some time off, you are haunted by the guilt and nagging feeling that you should be doing something more useful and productive with your time.

At the end of the day, you just have to go with the flow and try to enjoy the ride along the way. Besides, a new year with an extra second inserted into it couldn't be all that bad, could it?

skiing - physical and mental acrobatics

2005-12-24T20:19:00.000Z

Skiing is really fun once you get the hang of it (but then again, doesn't that apply to most of everything?) especially when you are skiing down the slopes, making turns, exploring new routes, taking in the surroundings; there is a mix of a sense of wonder, exhiliration and urgency to it which makes it so refreshing.

When I first arrived at the ski resort, I must admit that I doubted whether I will be able to ski competently at the end of the ski trip. But now that it's over, I can safely say that it is one of the new things I enjoyed in a very long time.

At a certain level, this ski trip augments the notion that one can achieve whatever one wishes as long as one sets one's mind to it and realistically follow it through; it shows the importance of willpower as much as physical prowess.

I believe that the key lies in putting a reasonable expectation of oneself and to know one's limits and capabilities because throughout the ski trip, the singular thought which striked me again and again is the realization that being wise means being able to cope and wisest are those who knows not.

When the aim for the day is to better and improve oneself, it certainly cannot be helped that one's ego will play a huge role in the process - our ego will fuel the need to do better, our ego reminds us the pain of losing one's face, our ego drives us to be ahead of others whatever the cost.

But at the end of the day, you need to re-examine what exactly are we trying to gain, for what purpose and for whom - for our own gratification or the admiration of others.

The company I had for the past few days during the ski trip have been very gracious and kind. We manage to discuss a lot of things - delicate ones to downright crappy ones - openly and honestly.

As a result, my perception towards them has been changed forever; never again will I see them in the same light again. Now, I have a greater sense of respect and tolerance for them and valuable insights into their psyche and personality.

I can only hope that they manage to gain similar insights into my own.

The ski trip also reinforces the notion that one should never take anything for granted; something which might be a nuisance in one situation might turn out to be something one desperately longs for in another.

It is easy to dismiss how difficult it is to to bring your closest friends together in the same room every night to play cards or discuss things.

It is also equally easy to dismiss how mush effort needs to be invested to be good at something, because I felt that as we get older, our determination to learn something new and to patiently acquire a new skill will slowly diminish.

And when you put it in that respect, being young doesn't always mean that your age consists only of single digit. Instead, I believe that being young implies the ability to keep an open mind, to nurture trust and to humbly learn anything worth learning.

In short, I believe that keeping one's mind open is the ultimate fountain of youth.

This is important because as we get older, we become hardened with experience - we will be tricked, cheated, backstabbed; we will have to deal with incompetencies, inefficiencies; we starts compartmentalizing our lives into neat and clearly defined activities and time slots; we chase our routine from one appoinments to another.

Some people will consider all of this to be the sign of maturity or of wisdom. We feel that we could easily navigate the turbulent and unpredictable eddies and currents of our lives now that we have acquired these 'notions' and 'presumptions' under our belt.

But I beg to differ - giving in to cynicism and pesimism doesn't say much about the strength of a person's thoughts but only the sheer weakness of the their mind.

Overall, the ski trip turns out to be more than just an exercise in physical agility but also a test of strength of character and courage to hope. I doubt many people could claim they manage to do all that during their holidays.

Happy holidays everyone!

winds of change (edited)

2005-11-27T21:28:00.000Z

The following is an edited version of my previous post "Winds of Change"; made some structural changes to it so it sounds more like a formal essay rather a load of waffle.

Personally, I thought that this one is slightly sleeker than the previous one; I think it is comparable in style and impact to the first article I published on Merdeka Day.

I do hope you will enjoy it:-

The ongoing controversy over the UM rankings epitomizes the deplorable conditions of our education system, thrusting its rotting self directly into the media limelight. The sluggishly slow and lukewarm reactions from the relevant government officials on the issue has also led me to wonder whether “awareness” and “humility” are qualities parcelled out equally to everyone at birth.

The main issue of contention aside, it is interesting to note that each time a major issue crops up in Malaysia, it follows the predictive nature almost like actors in a play; they enter the scene according to the proper cues, recite their lines and perform their acts, stirring the audience in the meantime, and finally when the time comes, take their bows and make their exit.

Therefore, once the media frenzy dies down, this issue will be nothing but a distant memory in the minds of most Malaysians. Malaysians are generally an easily excitable lot – we complain, grumble and moan all we want during the height of such issues, but once we’ve had enough, we simply cast it aside.

Furthermore, it does not help that we have a notoriously poor short-term memory when it comes to such things as well.

It is important to realize that in this political equation, the government requires the people more than the people require the government, and once we as the people lower our guard and scrutiny towards the government, we are deliberately allowing for a downhill spiral in the quality of governance we can expect.

Therefore, when viewed in this sense, whenever we freely blame or criticize the government for any problems, we need to remember that some part of the blame lies with us as well.

It is we who have been apathetic towards the current affairs of the country, languishing in our own self-created universe where the problems affecting our members of the public are too distant, too alien to be considered our own.

We are reluctant to step out of our comfort zone, preferring instead to maintain our status quo rather than venturing out to seek greener pastures, even when it looms only on the horizon.

The point is that as long as we remain oblivious to the current goings-on of our country and as long we remain uninterested in the pressing issues facing our nation, it is optimistic to the point of foolishness to expect and moan that things could be better.

One of the main responsibilities of a good citizen is to guarantee the well-being of his or her country.

Therefore, we need to gather our thoughts and keep up with the issues affecting our country in order to promote a favourable atmosphere which could pave the way for a more enlightened discussion over the state of our nation, culminating in a determined, practical and sustained course of action.

Of course, this is where the issue of one's loyalties will crop up and those who raise genuine concerns about such issues are blatantly accused as traitors, Western puppets or mischief-makers who wishes nothing but to wreck havoc and destabilize the country.

Some will even go as far as to demand that such people leave the country based on the feudalistic reasoning that being a Malaysian automatically restricts one’s rights to critically reflect on the direction towards which the country is heading to.

At this point, I think it is important that one should distinguish between the loyalties to one's country and political loyalties; too often in Malaysia, the boundary between the two has been blurred and distorted.

The latter (i.e. political loyalties) can easily be substituted or traded with money, gifts and patronage, but the former (i.e. loyalties to one's country) accepts no other currency besides an honest and unyielding concern for the country.

It calls for an honest and unbiased interpretation of the country's past, a constant and consistent scrutiny and examination of the country's present, and a realistic yet visionary yearning for the country's future.

Paradoxically, a steadfast loyalty to the country often leads to greater complications compared to political loyalties; indeed, national interests and political interests hardly converge at the same point in Malaysia.

However, I believe it is exactly because one is truly concerned and loyal towards one's country that one can muster enough courage to speak up on such thorny issues. It is not due to the moronic reason that one simply wishes to destabilize the country or that one simply worships the West.

Indeed, if we truly didn’t care about our country, wouldn’t it be better for us to ignore the whole thing altogether? Why do we need to burden our minds and time with such things, when doing so can cause nagging headaches afterwards?

After all, hasn’t it be said that qui tacet consentit (silence gives consent)? If this quotation is anything to go by, then it is those who remain apathetic about the country's state of affairs who gives the green light for the continuation of such miscarriages of governance.

Silence as a sign of complicity may provide one with some respite and relief from such issues intruding into our lives, but this “peaceful” situation does not carry on indefinitely. Sooner or later, these issues will come knocking at our doorstep once again.

Therefore, we can't afford to push aside all these issues and conveniently label them as “too political” or “too deep” and hope they will no longer haunt us, because ultimately they will and do concern us.

I have often said it is surprisingly easy to be cynical and pessimistic about the hopes and future of our country. But if we begin to lose faith in our own country, then who will take our place? If we as citizens of Malaysia begin to turn our backs on such issues, who will be left to debate and discuss them?

Too long have our country’s issues been the free domain and reserve of the select few among our country's political circles. Frankly, we don't have to look very far to judge whether our current situation is the best one to be in.

It is high time to shift the balance of power to the real, true masters of this country – its people.

goblet of fire: sweeps you away!

2005-11-20T10:23:00.000Z

Firstly, let me inform you that one of the perils of following every tiny production details of the movie will cause you to sort of knew how the story will unfold on screen; you will know how the movie-makers will edit a particular scene, how a character will be inserted into a scene, how the sets and special effects will look like - in short, you will be well-versed with the transition from the book to the screen even before you went into the movie theater.

Therefore, even before the movie started, I knew that I wasn't going to see Winky, Dobby, SPEW, the Dursleys, the actual match at the World Quidditch Cup, the rest of the Weaslys among other things. And as dissapointed as I am to know that such things fail to make the cut, I am not thoroughly bothered about it.

Besides, I could not think of any other way they could have allowed such elements into the film; and at this point, one does not only have to think about extended running time, but also about the costs of the extra special effects and other necessary resources.

The way I see it, as long as J.K. Rowling approves of the book-to-screen transition made by the screenwriter, then I am fine with the ommisions they made.

So how does one enjoy a film which you have more or less knew its nitty-gritty details? Would it still be able to provide you with the kind of excitement and wonder one experiences if one were to watch it for the first time?

The answer was a satisfactory yes. I am really impressed with the way the movie-makers worked with the remaining amount of materials left after the initial cut was made - I am really comfortable with the changes they made to the plot, the character insertions or deletions they did.

However I must point out that the pacing of the first half of the movie seemed a bit off at times, jumping quickly from one scene to another, which I believe would leave complete newcomers puzzled and lost and avid fans bewildered and frusfrated. But as soon as we return to Hogwarts, the film regains its continuity and flow, steadily buidling up its momentum to the powerful and electrifying climax.

When you work with such a condensed and complex material such as the Harry Potter series, you are required to make a judicious choice of which elements you want to keep, remove, expand or compress. And in this particular film, I felt that the movie-makers got it right.

Granted, the movie is not as artistically poetic as the third one, but I think they did a fine job with it as an adaptation.

What really struck me however was the acting - from my point of view, it was a lot more convincing than in the previous ones. Even though some of the adult characters have limited screen time, they really manage to convey the feelings and inject the believability into their roles.

Actors such as Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Timothy Spall, Robbie Coltrane and Jason Isaacs truly shine in their respective roles - for the first time, I am ready to believe that they are the characters like the way I imagined them from the book.

There have been a lot of talk about Michael Gambon's potrayal of Dumbledore with some saying he deviates too much from the calm and composed Dumbledore many people imagined him to be. Personally, I do not find much trouble with his acting in this film.

True, maybe he is a little too intense, too worried, too erratic at times in the film. But when you think about it, if we are bothered with such things, then it is as if we are expecting him to be consistently reserved - in other words, we are close to expecting him to be a bit inhuman in his emotional reactions.

I think most of us look to Dumbledore as a 'rock' which will provide a firm foundation to which the other characters could anchor their swirling and unpredictable bouts of emotions. To see the headmaster agitated unnerved us a bit.

But I felt that what the movie-makers are trying to convey in this film is that everyone, even Dumbledore, has their own weaknesses - as revealed in the later books - and it is slowly beginning to show, thus setting up for the later movies.

On top of that, Michael Gambon has once said that in an interview that each character he played are just different facets or manifestations of his own character. When you put that into perspective, it seemed quite amazing that he is able to pull off Dumbledore's character effortlesly.

What can I say about Mad-Eye Moody? He is just "WOW!" Brendan Gleeson's potrayal has just the right amout of scruffiness and intensity I come to expect from his character; he is one of the best realized characters in the film. Another perfectly realized character is Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldermort which does it with excellent flourish, skill and subtlety.

The graveyard is without doubt, one of the most powerful scenes in the movie and possibly in the series so far. The confluence of Cedric's death, the return of Voldermort and the prior incantatem curse lends to an overall aura of omniousness and dread so heavy and so overwhelming that you just can't help but to cower in your seats fearing for Harry's life.

The scene when Harry returns to Hogwarts with Cedric's body afterwards is an immensely affecting scene. Harry's reactions, his cries and his reluctance to let go of Cedric's body are excellently executed and you just can't help but to shed tears at this point; I certainly did.

The new score for the film provides a fresh feel to the whole movie without completely neglecting the earlier themes composed by maestro John Williams. It hits the right notes and comes in at the right cues in the film.

When I watched this movie, I began to realize that Goblet of Fire is also about bringing people together, a fact which I never come to realize when I read the book. It is quite amazing for a movie to be able to get that point - which I have completely missed when I read the book - across effectively to its audience.

Indeed, I could think of no greater measure of the quality of an adapation other than that; and for that, I can fairly conclude that Goblet of Fire is truly the best adapation of the series yet.

dreams are not enough to win a war...

2005-11-19T09:44:00.000Z

I know I have not been writing for the past two weeks, and as much as I despise such long lapses in my blog entries - because it will inevitably lead to a distinct deterioration in the quality of my writing - I guess it can't really be helped.

It is not so much due to a sudden increase in my normal workload, rather it is because I have lots of new and upcoming things which I need to attend to; it is sometimes amazing how the amount responsibilities which you have could have piled up so quickly, so suddenly.

One moment you could feel that you're on top of your work and assignments, and a little moment later a whole load of work could come crashing down on you. But before I bore you with my feeble justifications for not writing for such a long time, I better stop and get on with the programme.

Suffice to say, it is due to an unfortunate confluence of increasing workload, misplaced priorities and utter laziness on my behalf. But at least, I am aware of such things happening to me.

Hopefully that awareness will compel me to start doing my work more regularly from now on.

salam aidilfitri

2005-11-01T12:29:00.000Z

Seribu kemaafan
Kupohon dari ayah dan ibu
Juga kekasih hati yang dirindu
Sanak saudara nun jauh berbatu

Sambutlah salam ini
Kutujukan pada ayah bonda
Kekasih hati yang jauh di mata
Rakan taulanku sanak dan saudara

Setahun sudah
Kita terpisah di rantauan
Rindu rasa di hati ini
Untuk kembali nun di sana

Setahun sudah
Kita terpisah di rantauan
Kini sudah tiba masanya
untuk kita bertemu lagi

Selamat hari raya
Aidilfitri mulia
Ampun maaf dipinta
Kesilapan yang ada

Selamat hari raya
Aidilfitri mulia
Sebulan berpuasa
Syawal menjelang tiba

Oh... sambutlah salam ini
Kutujukan pada ayah bonda
Kekasih hati yang amat dicintai
Rakan taulanku sanak dan saudara
Seribu kemaafan

Sempena kedatangan Syawal, saya ingin mengambil kesempatan untuk mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri disertai dengan kiriman tulus ikhlas Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

how long must this go on?

2005-10-30T11:15:00.000Z

The recent news of the slip of University Malaya in the Times Higher Education Supplement ranking from the 89th place last year to the 169th place this year is nothing but shocking and highly embarassing.

One wonders how an institution which was once regarded as one of the top universities - if not in the world - but in Asia could have slipped lowly in the short span of 1 year.

The fact that the UM is the country's premier university makes this drop in ranking even more troubling. If such a 'renown' academia was ranked so badly globally, what hopes are there for the other less 'renown' universities and colleges in Malaysia? How would they compare to other universities overseas?

And what does it say about the quality of the graduates these institutions produces? What kind of signals are we sending to the parents who sent their children to these institutions for their further studies about the quality of the education which they are receiving? Are they going to be well-equipped to face the challenges of the increasingly borderless world?

More importantly, how does this reflect on the graduates from these institutions which are supposed to be the next generation of the country's leaders, thinkers, movers and shakers? What does it bid for the future of Malaysia?

What puzzles me even more is the seemingly lack of appropriate response from the government leaders concerning this matter; the Prime Minister said he was "very sad" over the news and - true to the typical Malaysian way - immediately after that he added that "sometimes, the criteria used in the rankings may differ from what we have set for our own institutions of higher learning" and that ours are "mainly focused on human resource development".

How could the Prime Minister only felt "very sad" upon hearing this news; the lack of indignant and fiery emotions the Malaysian public are normally treated to whenever the issues concerning the political, social and economic position of the Malays cropped up were sorely lacking this time round.

Why aren't the same urgency in the efforts to revive the NEP trumpeted during the previous UMNO General Assembly are exhibited here to root out the main causes of the drop in rankings? Why aren't the UMNO Youths shouting their usual brand of rhetorics to ask the government to stem this decay of our public educational institution?

The Deputy Education Minister was even more andamant when he said that "there is obviously some inconsistency in the ranking criteria" and claimed that the drop in UM rankings is "inconceivable."

These are all hardly comforting words for the Malaysian public especially for those who wished for a radical and complete overhaul of our slowly decaying education system.

Why are we quicker to dismiss the rankings as irrelevant to our country's aims rather than to examine the rankings carefully and used it to reflect on our educational standards?

Granted, Malaysians are generally more inclined to reject any comments or criticisms which came from the West but is the West really bent on wrecking havoc with our political, economic and social affairs?

It is not beneficial to us in the long run to continue to label everything with a Western tag on it as attempts to destabilize our country and a threat to national security and racial harmony. What kind of national security or racial harmony are we talking about? And for that matter, whose security and harmony are we referring to?

I believe that there have never been a documented case of constructive criticisms causing severe physical harm to anyone. If there is, then I believe it is not the fault of the criticism but due to the defficiency of those on the receiving end to openly accept and thoroughly examine the contents of the criticisms.

Besides, whatever happens to "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me?"

As for his argument that we may have our own standards, criterias and aims for our universities and that we are focusing more on human resource development, I think the ranking is not so myopic so as to list the university based solely on its technological prowess.

A university can only be as excellent as the people studying and working within it and those governing it; they are the prime driving force to propel the university to greater heights.

And if the rankings used that as a measure of a university's position, then doesn't it apply to all countries? Therefore, issue whether the criterion used is suitable in the Malaysian context should not have arisen in the first place because wherever you might be, a dilligent, resourceful and creative workforce is a common denominator by which we could judge all institutions of higher learning.

In this era of intense of globalization, we cannot afford to produce graduates only to fit our Malaysian political, economic and social moulds, as pressing as the need might be to us. To do so will greatly put us at a disadvantage to other nations as they prepare to embrace the waves of globalization.

To still cling on to the mentality of a "jaguh kampung" or a "big fish in a large pond" only serves to satisfy our ego but does not produce any practical results.

It is a common fallacy among Malaysians to expect that universities with greater technological facilities will automatically fare better than those without. It is also a common fallacy among Malaysians to think that rankings, awards, reports derived from the West are always insidious and contains hidden agendas of recolonization.

Of course, we always need to be on our feet and be mindful of Western maneuveres but we need not turn it into a habit which eventually becomes a knee-jerk reflex reaction because when we are so consumed in trying to read between the lines, we may end up missing the whole story.

And in the end, we might risk being left in the dust.

getting (and keeping) the house in order

2005-10-23T15:05:00.000+01:00

What do you do when you felt that you are biting more than you can chew?

What happens when you begin to loose grip on the pace and the intricacies of your daily routine?

Have you ever felt as if you are being shoved into a situation you cannot even begin to comprehend?

What do you do when something that is supposed to nourish and comfort you becomes your greatest fear and nightmare?

Is it more painful to bear with the incompetencies of others rather than coming to terms with your own?

Do you always immediately reach for the reset button when you feel that a sizeable amount of your life is no longer within your control and consideration?

Or is it possible to go on with your lives pretending that you will pull through even when it means that you will have to rough it?

As much as we like to think that most of the things in our lives are beyond our control, I believe that each one of us yearns for some form of control or comprehension into a small aspect of their lives.

Because life is not always about getting through it to the best of your abilities but also about making the right decisions and selecting the best choice.

I think the reason that some people are inclined to attribute their troubles to 'unforeseeable circumstances' is because they lack the moral stamina to make and see through their choices;

After all, your burdens will be significantly lighter if you're not the one carrying it.

But like any other things that gets passed around, sooner or later it will be your turn again; besides, what goes around comes around right?

I think we need to remember that we are not expected to be - or at least appear to be - strong all the time; we are not obliged to put up brave face to the public all the time.

We need to know that being brave is not about never being afraid or insecure, but having the strength and determination to share, confront and overcome those fears.

We need to realize that it is not a sign of weakness to be reasonably scared or insecure or to be wrong - rather it is a sign that we are only human after all.

And once that has been clarified, perhaps we will be a lot more willing to be accountable for our actions, mistakes and decisions.

This and coupled with a sustained and concerted effort to get our house in order, hopefully our troubles will go away - for now.

the nation mourns...

2005-10-20T09:42:00.000+01:00

The Prime Minister's wife, Endon Mahmood, has returned to Rahmatullah at 07:55hr (Malaysian time) this morning.

My deepest condolences to Pak Lah and his family - Al-Fatihah...

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp

because dawn has come.

the thing about being a leader is...

2005-10-16T11:42:00.000+01:00

Several events in the past few weeks have made thinking about leaders, leaderships and its relationship with members of an organization. Below are some of my observations:

I believe that it is crucial for any organization to have a strong and decisive leader. But one must remember that being a strong leader does not necessarily translate into being autocratic; it just mean that one have to have a certain degree of authority over the other members in the organization.

One must be able to mobilize the entire organization to work towards a singular aim, one must be able to convince the rest of the them that it is of utmost importance that all of them should work together to realize a particular goal.

And one can achieve all that without resorting to dictatorial tactics - one just have to be firm and readily engage the members of the organization. Indeed, one must be well-versed in the arts of persuasion so much so that it seemed effortless.

I think this is especially true when the people you are leading have more or less equal intellectual standing as compared to yourself. Indeed, they are not mindless automatons - each of them have the ability to think for themselves, to evaluate your decisions and actions and draw conclusions about their feasibility and practicalities.

I think that's the main problem with some of the leaders today - they underestimates the intellectual capacity of the people they are leading thinking that the masses could be easily hoodwinked by their eloquent recitations and grandiose plans.

It may be so back in the feudal ages but the current circumstances are different as people have greater access to information and the increasing proliferation of varied viewpoints.

Therefore, a leader must be aware of the different perceptions people have towards his leadership - from glowing praises to damning criticisms. Of course, one also needs to know how to distinguish between the comments worth looking into and those which are not.

However, I think it is a lot more important for a leader to be open and welcoming to other people's opinions about him rather than busily deciding whether a particular opinion should be taken seriously or not.

In short, as a leader, everybody's opinions matters and requires equal amounts of your unwavering attention.

But then again, it all goes back to the question of how 'in touch' the leader is to his or her charges. Certain leaders believe that they can lead an organization from him desk, giving out orders to his staff regularly without actually engaging them.

Certain leaders prefers to relegate all his duties to his staff allowing them to decide on every small matter which arises in the organization.

I once read a quotation which goes something like 'An empire can be conquered but not governed from a horseback'; the same applies to governing an organization.

To arrogantly call the shots will not guarantee your popularity among your charges but to simply try to leave all the decision-making process to the rest of your committee will only downgrade your importance in the organization. The former will be labeled autocratic while the latter will be called weak.

I guess to which side one is more inclined to go to depends partly on the kind of people you choose to surround yourself with.

Some leaders are paralyzed exactly because of the people they are surrounded with; even if you have noble intentions or plans, if you cannot get it past through your advisors, your plans will be crippled. You cannot initiate any changes and maintain the momentum to sustain them; they are trapped and helpless.

If nearly half of your advisors are your close buddies, chances are that you too will be ultimately cut-off from the demands and realities of the external segment of the organization.

You will not be able to effectively detect any problems, complications or dissatisfactions in your organization because your attention to the organization as a whole will be gradually shifted to the small circle advisors or friends which you normally keep in contact with. Any decisions you make will only take into account the repercussions it will have on your select group of friends.

Ultimately, your sensitivities to the finer needs of the members of the organization will be numbed. I guess that's what you get when you allow nepotism and cronyism to creep into your organization.

But the scenario outlined above are simplistic at best; the patterns in leadership are not always so mechanistic. They are 'hidden hands' at work in any organization or political structure; external factors which are beyond your control.

However, to attribute your inability to act due to external, uncontrollable factors is a lame attempt to shift the blame to others. As a leader, you are given the power and authority to run the organization in the best way you see fit; good leaders often knows how to utilize these powers granted to them to plan and craft their organizations.

You cannot be as helpless as you claimed to be because you are the top leader - and with it comes some form of authority and means to get yourself out of it.

I have to admit that it is not always easy to be a good and competent leader. One will always be subjected to intense scrutiny, people will always read into your decisions, your words and your gestures. Indeed, It felt as if one is living in a glass house.

When you think about it, it is kinda cruel for people to try and measure a leader with respect to a certain standard because each leader is different in a sense that each of them have their own unique 'leadership styles'. But what do they exactly mean by that?

I believe that there are set of common qualities which all leaders should posses, by which we could fairly judge one's competence as a leader - something fundamental shared by all leaders at all levels.

Therefore, to suggest for instance, that a leader should be excused for his lack of sensitivity towards the needs of his charges by calling that his 'leadership style' is an irresponsible misuse of the phrase.

Besides, most people does not make any distinction between the two; for them, incompetence is still incompetence whatever you call it - a leadership style or quality. Whatever one chooses to call it, one thing for sure is that incompetence and insensitivity in leaders are not easily forgiven by the masses.

And the scrutiny begins from the moment you take up the leadership position.

Therefore, one should always be on the guard because in such things, perception is sometimes more substantial, more lasting and more fatal than reality.

bring out the old, bring in the new

2005-10-06T17:33:00.000+01:00

I wanted to give a huge thanks to everyone who wished me 'Happy Birthday' today.

I also wanted to make it known that I'm only turning 21 - not 22 yet like some of you have incorrectly assumed; as much as I am honored to be bestowed with all the surely admirable qualities of old age, I assure you that I am not in that much of a hurry.

Still, it was extremely heartwarming to receive birthday wishes and greetings from those closest to you.

Not that I place much importance to such things but it really makes you feel grateful for the efforts which other people put even to remember your birthday, especially when I am bad with dates myself.

It also reinforces my notion that memories are one of those things that could truly and easily transcend the innumerable boundaries of space and time.

It is the one thing that could make you feel right at home in a foreign land, make you see familiar faces among an unfamiliar crowd or call up inherently recognizable smells, sights and sounds.

And even though it fades gradually with time, I believe that if you hold on to it hard enough, you can never lose it. Indeed, our capacity to remember and retain things from times long gone by must have evolved or given to us to serve some purpose.

By holding on to some cherished memories, we are able to move forward in the future with greater confidence, hopes and determination.

I mean, there are some people who desperately clings to their golden past and stubbornly refuses to move; on the other end of the spectrum, they are those who feel compelled to exonerate themselves completely from any association to their past.

Even if the memories are too painful or dreadful to be properly recalled, I believe that one cannot simply push it to the corners of one's mind hoping that it will go away as time passes by.

It needs to be confronted and dealt with for shoving it aside can only provide you with a short respite from it, if any.

Besides, repressed memories have a nasty habit of cropping up when you least expected it and its impact might be a lot worse the second time round.

No memories deserve to be forgotten - it is intrixicably linked to our character, it is what makes us who we are.

One cannot make a clean-cut escape from it; there will always be some 'residual' memories left and you may find yourself in a situation which those 'residual' memories will be triggered.

In George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, there is a party slogan which goes 'Those who controls the past controls the present; those who controls the present controls the future.'

I believe that validity and the truth of the core message of the slogan is blindingly obvious - if one could ignore the political totalitarian inclinations of the slogan for a while - one could not selectively chooses to only look forward to one's future whilst happily ignoring one's past or vice versa.

Therefore, on my birthday I wanted to thank God for the gift of insight, wisdom, knowledge and self in reasonable amounts to me, the gift of unconditional love, trust and support from my family, the gift of excellent and caring company of my friends and lastly the gift of hope, optimism and determination in facing the challenges of life.

It is fitting that my birthday falls on my first normal day in college; I pray that my hopes and desires for my birthday and the new academic year runs parallel and promises a whole new year of greater opportunities, thorough insights and closer collaborations.

It certainly feels good to get back to work and be 21 at the same time.

Dance one year in, kiss one good-bye; another chance, another start;

so many dreams to tease the heart.

seasons of love

2005-10-05T10:09:00.000+01:00

The responses have been mixed - some expressed their sadness and dissapoinment, some expressed their disbelief and skeptcism, some expressed their pity and sympathy.

Whatever their reactions may be, one thing for certain in all instances is that most of them have not been expecting this at all; it was highly irregular, highly unlikely and highly unbelievable.

For me personally, what disturbs me most is that I have not a clearest idea of the sequence of events which had transpired which ultimately resulted in his discontinuation for Imperial College.

Indeed, for most of us the first question to have crossed our minds after hearing about it was why and how did it happened.

Could it be reduced to a single cause or was it caused by a confluence of different factors? Was it solely due to internal, personal reasons or external, social reasons? Were the reasons unique to him or common to all of us? Was it a result of personal neglect or circumstances beyond our control?

I believe it is natural for us to ask these questions as it is natural for us to fear the unknown or unforseeable.

I guess whenever we ponder at his predicament, at the back of our minds, we can't helped but to wonder that the same thing could have happened to us - it could have easily been any one of us in his place, facing those troubles and complications.

We want to know whether our futures too will take us down his path; whether the circumstances will work against our favour and thrust us into the midst of the same problem he is facing now.

In short, whenever we think about his situation, it made us reflect on our own position, our own efforts and our own achievements.

We see a faint reflection of our own situation and wonder whether our situation is anywhere near as precarious or fragile as his.

Added to this is the sheer proximity of the situation to all of us - the fact that it happened to one of our closest friends. It does not have the measure of distance which normally shields us from the full emotional impact of the such emotionally devastating situations.

Apart from the fear for our own sake, we also can't help feeling a little guilty over the whole situation: have we done enough to prevent this from happening? Were we so ignorant so as to not identify the initial symptoms of the problem? Did we fail him as his friends by letting things to become this bad?

Each of us will surely give a varying degree of responses but the truth is that only we will know the answers to these questions for ourselves.

It is often said that only the purest and brightest of lights could penetrate the deepest and the darkest of corners.

And judging from the turn out of tonight's gathering - which was called on a rather short notice - I am beginning to understand the full meaning of that statement.

It is heartwarming to see all of us coming together again - either just to catch up with others or to show our support and concern or just to share a few laughs amongst ourselves.

Whatever the reasons might be, it is comforting to see that all of us can readily and willingly come to the rescue and offer him a few moments of happiness and hope, especially under such a despairing situation he is in.

It is a true and sure sign of the strength of bonds and connections which runs deep among all of us even after all these years that we openly give everything we have to help him get through his complications.

The sense of warmth, reassurance and solace serves as a device where all of us could anchor our emotions into, providing some form of stability and brief normalcy to the turbulent and chaotic times we had for the past few days.

Even the autumn breeze doesn't feel too chilly tonight.

lament for a friend

2005-10-05T10:00:00.000+01:00

So the cat is finally out of the bag; most of my classmates ultimately knew about Hyree's impending return to Malaysia and the circumstances which lead to this turn of events.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for him to muster enough courage and calmness to tell the rest of us about it; indeed there is a certain amount of coolness in his tone of voice, a non-chalant expression upon his face, an uneasy gesture of his body, all of which seemed to conceal a deeper, more profound sense of dissapoinment and regret within him.

Indeed, the seemingly laidback nature through which the news was conveyed to my ex-classmates struck some of them to be highly unnatural and that took them completely by surprise.

For some of them, the casual nature through which the annoucement was made did not befit the emotional gravity or weight of the news; I guess they were expecting a thorough, a slightly drawn-out and solemn account of his predicaments - something which a few lines of text messages will never do justice.

Personally, I do not ask for anything than that from Hyree; that is not to imply any serious shortcomings on his behalf. But I felt that that is how Hyree normally deals with stuffs of this nature - he have this urgent desire to get such things done and over with as quickly as normal courtesy allows.

I mean, he can and will beat himself over the situation if he wished too but I guess at one point, he realized that there are other more pressing and practical repercussions which needs to be taken care of.

I think one needs to realized that worrying and drowning yourself in self-pity does not really provide you with the much needed comfort one normally needs in such situations; it may keep your mind occupied but it does not really get you anywhere.

Therefore, it is better for one to focus on other practical matters which one could pursue, other opportunities which might be available to one; it is better for one to work on something more 'substantial' and would deliver results which could effectively boost one's morale.

That is not to say that it is not proper at all for one to exhibit any emotional response to the situation, but I guess one need not lose one's head and always be aware of the limits of doing so.

Keeping a cool head and maintaining your perspective are crucial to ensure that you will be able to rough the storm safely.

Of course, to expect that you will escape it unharmed or unscathed is highly idealistic; but when everything around you seemed to fall apart, the last thing you want to happen is to fall apart yourself.

After all, human character, self-esteem and reputation are fragile things; once broken, it may be some time before it becomes whole again - if ever that is.

Thus, as offended as some of us might be to receive the news about Hyree's predicament on such a short notice, we need to realize that in such situations, one's own well-being takes far greater precedence over the well-being of others.

For once, being 'selfish' is not a question of giving oneself an edge over the others, but rather a question of one's survival and sustainability.

of trust and personal censorships

2005-10-02T12:47:00.000+01:00

Two of my closest friends each made a rather huge revelation over the summer holidays; friend A announced that he will be discontinuing his studies at his current university and restart his first year in another university while friend B said that there is a high probability that he will stop studying at his current university because his first year grades didn't meet the required
standards.

What struck me most wasn't the gravity of the announcements themselves; rather it was the way, the tone in which those announcements were made.

I sensed that friend A tried to inject some humor into his announcement in an effort to give it a slight tone of light heartedness - though I thought that it was obvious that the subject was anything but humorous to him.

It felt as if he is trying his best to conceal his true feelings towards the matter by showing that he is not nearly as affected by the matter as he ought to be; he wanted people to think that the matter is not really a big deal to him, and it should be so too for others.

I don't pretend to be expert in reading other people's true intentions or thoughts, but I think I am sufficiently able enough to tell whether someone is trying to hide something from me, having being their friend for the past two years.

In my opinion, friend A's effort to conceal his true thoughts rings hollow through and through; it lacks the sincerity of emotions one would come to normally expect from the announcements of such nature.

I admit that everyone is entitled to select or filter the emotions and thoughts which one want others to accept or perceive - there are plenty of other less self-centered reasons for doing so. But where should line be drawn between self-censorship and trust?

I suppose the criteria for deciding between the two are of personal nature and it should be left entirely to the discretion of that individual.

But isn't the whole issue about censorship of any kind is that it breeds mistrust and animosity between the one enforcing the censorship and the target audience?

I believe a reasonable amount of censorship necessitated by a sincere and thoroughly insightful motivation are healthful in the long run; the interests and well-being of the audience should be given the utmost priority whenever such censorships are planned.

However, when the censorships are imposed solely to protect the interests and position of the censors themselves that it ceases to be an indispensable mechanism to protect and preserve and becomes a ruthless mechanism to subdue and stiffle.

And when that happens, the imposition of censorships will start to work against the interests of the censors themselves; indeed it will be detrimental to the censor's original cause of putting those censorships in the first place.

Those who underestimates the resourcefulness and ingenuity of their charges will come to realize that doing so will greatly compromise the long term stability and security of their position.

Their actions achieve nothing except create enemies out of their own audience or charges.

Like most things, one's initially noble and admirable intentions might eventually be perceived as self-centered and opportunistic once personal gains start to take precedence over the interests of others.

In short, those who think that they can have the cake and eat it as well are only hastening their exit or demise.

Therefore, in the case of friend A, I felt that it would have been kinder if he is able to tell his complications the way it really is without any need to glaze over the emotional repercussions.

That is not say that he should bear himself out entirely to others but at the very least allow others to emphatize and share his disappoinments or lingering regrets rather than putting a stoic and impersonal face to the world.

It is not bravery when one have to interchange between two diametric emotions to suit different circumstances; if one can hold one's head high in one situation, then being brave dictates that one should be able to do the same in all situations.

Multiplicity is not a sign of bravery; it is a sign of fear.

Of course, I am not accusing him of being a liar; but I sort of wished that he could realized that telling the matter the way it is and sharing his true emotions with me would not make me think any less of him.

I just wanted people to know that for once, I will refrain from being too critical or judgemental towards them; I want people to be able to tell me something without any fear of being rebuked.

If friend A hesitated to bear his true emotions to others, then friend B must certainly lie at the end of the spectrum.

I was taken aback by his calm composure when he told me about his unfortunate situation; he seemed so practical when he talked about it, always looking forward and never showed any wish to dwell on the issue much longer.

Unlike friend A, he didn't make an effort to lighten the matter up - he spoke of the matter as the way it really is. He explained the string of events which lead to this situation, any further actions he have taken and his own thoughts about the matter.

His concerns at the moment are mostly practical rather than sentimental in nature; he seemed eager to get over the matter and start something new as soon as possible.

I guess that is one way to cope - to always look ahead, keep moving and never pausing for a bit; for I think he is afraid that he might remain stationary indefinitely if he were to allow himself to think too much about it.

I admire his steadfastness and his courage to bring himself to tell others about his circumstances and I appreciate his efforts to inform me about it.

When you think about the issue as a whole, it is amazing how deceptively simple it is to either inspire or destroy one's confidence and faith in someone; one way is to make people think that you are coping well with it while the other is to set out the facts of the situation and allow the goodwill of others to decide for themselves.

It is true that one should be given the liberty to decide how one should reflect about our own circumstances; whether one should feel good or bad about it or the things one should continually tell oneself in order to cope with it.

But I believe to expect other people to feel the same way about it by carefully potraying the situation so that it would elicit that particular response in others is nothing but a lame effort to protect one's ego and image rather than to seek true empathy from others.

In such situations where I personally believe that the concern of others are most desperately needed, doing so will only sow further doubts and mistrusts.

Isn't that too much trouble to inflict upon oneself on top of all the dissapoinments and regrets one already have to bear with?

empty decorations

2005-09-30T14:24:00.000+01:00

I have moved into my new place on Monday; got a nice fairly large single room with a good view to myself - well enough for me to be sufficiently satisfied with it.

It's just that I wished that I could have all my stuffs now so that I could start unpacking and filling my room with stuffs as soon as possible; it is rather unnerving being in a largely empty room - the room feels impersonal, alien and cold (literally in my case).

I did some re-arrangements to the furnitures in my room based on my scant knowledge of feng-shui and some other practical considerations; I must admit that I very much prefer the way it looked now compared to its original arrangements.

Still, with all my stuffs at Jia Hong's place coupled with the fact that he won't be back till this weekend, I have to endure several nights without my books, duvet, pillows, cooking utensils etc. (the importance not necessarily in that order); let me just say that I'm not as adept at adjusting to the cold weather as I thought and that living in an almost empty room is as bad as experiencing existential angst.

I guess it goes to show how distressed I am that I have resorted to go around the house offering my assistance to my other housemates to organize their books and stuffs.

As for the rest of the house, I think the others are fitting in quite well themselves; we have bought most of the essential stuffs needed for the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom - though I would think several times before deciding to buy any household items from Argus next time round.

I guess desperate measures should only be taken up under desperate circumstances and that quality should never be compromised in the name of lower costs however tempting that might be.

For now, I am keeping myself busy reading several books - some I received as an early birthday gift from my family and some I borrowed from the college library - and trying as best as I could to nudge myself to start writing again.

I think there is something about the cold British weather that causes your mind to be extremely lethargic, making it hard for you to conceive any reasonably good ideas to be written down; indeed, sometimes it felt as if my mind is in a deep freeze.

Therefore, I am now desperately hoping for a kind of a 'divine' spark to get myself out of this hibernation; it has been far too long for my liking.

a bout of sentimentalism, fear and confusion

2005-09-29T17:39:00.000+01:00

Hey, I'm back in London.

I realized that my last few posts have been rather incoherent, mindless and sort of have a restraint feel to them; whenever I try to write in the past few days, my posts will tend to degenerate into a confusing mix of several topics at the end even though I had only one topic in mind in the beginning.

Even though some people would prefer to call such free flow of ideas as a burst of creative energy, mine felt more like several different voices speaking at the same time in my mind, each trying to outdo the other for attention.

It was difficult to form clear thoughts and follow them through, and this state I believe have manifested itself in my previous writings; rather than going directly to the point, I have a greater inclination to ramble and rave than I normally do.

I pondered over this matter throughout my flight back to London and I came to the conclusion that the reason for this was because my mind was burdened by the sheer emotional weight of leaving my family, friends and home.

Feelings of despair, fear, anticipation and joy periodically crossed my mind - a dangerous and unstable mix - causing me to be too caught up in the emotional conundrum, hence leaving my capacity to think rationally and reasonably to be greatly reduced.

And if you still insist to pen your thoughts - notwithstanding the glut you are in - it's as if you are viewing the world through those 3D glasses or that your views are obscured by a thick impenetrable fog - the observations you make will only be valid under certain carefully fine- tuned situations and seemed myopic (no pun intended).

The conclusions you derived will lack the depth, perspective and piercing quality which one will normally expect from anyone who is always mindful of their thoughts; these are exactly the qualities which were severely absent from my past few posts.

Having deprived of the ability to think things thoroughly and controlling my train of thoughts, I am slightly worried over the quality of my next post, which partly explains the conspicuous absence of any new posts for the past few days.

There are plenty of ideas for my next posts floating in my mind at the moment but I just can't bring myself to develop those ideas further. It is not enough for me for those ideas not only to fly, but to soar and for now, those ideas have not gained sufficient momentum yet.

It may take a while but as long as it is not terminal, I am willing to spare my patience.

let us step into the night...

2005-09-23T19:21:00.000+01:00

Will be flying back to London early Sunday morning so I expect that this will be my last entry from Malaysia.

Packing is nearly done; my luggage is brimming with clothes - quite a sight really, having all your clothes ordered neatly in your bag maximising every inch of space of the bag.

Not that the contents of my luggage were never neat or ordered, but I don't often transport that many clothes before this; normally my books, papers and stationeries will occupy more space than my clothes.

I can't exactly say what I am feeling at the moment - a queer mix of apprehension and excitement overshadowed by an unexpected aura of normalcy and coolness. I just that I will be able to properly say good bye.

I just pray that it will be a smooth transition into my second year in London - certainly there will a lot of things to look forward to, a lot of things to keep me going.

New challenges, new experiences, new troubles, new places, new people...

As I sign off for now, I quote Dumbledore when I say, 'And now, let us step into the night and pursue the flighty temptress, adventure.'

See you in London!

your routine - servant or master?

2005-09-22T14:34:00.000+01:00

Often you will have this funny yet selfish thought that whenever something of significance happened to you, you sort of expect the whole world to stop and take notice; you expect that people will stop going about their daily routine for a minute and recognize the fact that something out of the ordinary - to say the least - just happened to you.

Their willingness to spare a few minutes of their daily lives or to halt whatever it is they are doing at the moment qualififes to you as a polite acknowledgement of their awareness that your life is undergoing some kind of change.

At times, we may even go so far so as to expect that when they resume their normal activities, they will do so with a silent reminder tucked away at their back of their minds that you are about the embark on some life-changing experience.

I have come across a few writings in which people do expect such things to occur - for the whole world to stop spinning, for everyone to take heed and give their utmost attention to what is happening to you; people expect that to happen when someone close dies or goes away, when they are diagnosed with a terminal disease, when they failed to achieve something, when they loose something dear to them or when they received some earth-shattering revelation.

In each of these circumstances, all of them thought that what is happening to them is so mind-boggling, huge and important that time itself should have stopped so that they will be able to absorb or digest the news.

But alas that is not to be - time flows relentlessly, people go about busily with their daily routine, the city does not halt to a standstill, the trains pulls in and out of the station, flights depart and arrive on time, no public holidays are declared, no nation-wide announcements, no mention in the media.

The minutes ticked away like it usually does and in the cosmic scale of things, that particular moment to which you attach such great significance does not seemed any different from the minute before or after.

As my day of departure back to London draws nearer, that funny and selfish thought ocassionally comes to my mind.

I guess I am just struck by the uniformity and normality to which some of my friends go about their daily lives - commuting to college or work, having meetings and discussions, conducting classes and tuitions etc.

It made me feel a little offended with their today-is-just-like-any-other-day attitude which makes one wonder whether they are able to make any time at all in their daily schedule to spend some extra time with me, before each of us go our separate ways again.

But then again, maybe by allowing their daily routine to dictate their lives, by letting themselves to be so entrenched and caught up with their work or studies, they won't have the time to feel sad or lonely once I'm not here - not that I fancy myself as someone missable that is, quite the contrary I think.

Perhaps it is just their way of coping with my absence - to allow themselves to be swept away with waves and waves of work without any time to dwell in such thoughts.

Therefore, it is cruel and unfair to suggest that they don't care at all; they have their own lives to take care of, their own matters to settle. Besides, I am not their center of the world - their lives doesn't constantly revolve around me.

And I trully abhors the fact that I am able to dream up such selfish notions in the first place - it was really uncalled for.

I guess to a certain extent, their coolness in dealing with my upcoming departure caused me a certain amount of unease as well; their ability to go through their daily lives without exhibiting any excessive concern or despair have somewhat made me feel as if I'm doing nothing more than just moving over to the house next door - their calmness gives little weight or emotional resonance to my departure.

I fear that the lack of obvious acknowledgment may lull me into a false sense of security and complacency - that my 2nd year in London will just exactly similar to my 1st year, not that there is nothing wrong with my 1st year.

But the sense of complacency made me felt as if my 2nd year will be devoid of any new excitements and challenges; it doesn't have that enigmatic quality about it; that made me feel both apprehensive and a little too comfortable with my departure to London.

I want to be on my toes when I arrive there to begin my 2nd year; I want to look forward to new things to discover, meet new people and visit new places. However, the combined sense of calmness and coolness exhibited by my friends have made me feel as if my 2nd year in London is just like any other year in my life.

But then again, I must admit that the sense of security I feel now about leaving for London is also quite comforting sometimes - the kind of feeling you get when you slip into a pair of your most comfortable shoes, or fitting into your favourite pair of clothes, or of tasting your most likeable dish.

I mean, I too look forward to my routine back in London to allow me to settle in and get back to work; I hold on to it to prevent myself from slacking and wasting unnecessary amounts of time. By clinging to my routine, hopefully I am able to focus myself.

In short, I suppose the sense of complacency and security one feels can be both comforting and troubling.

Indeed, for some their routine anchors them to reality, detaching them from the mundane and trivial affairs of the heart and allowing to sail through their lives without much hassle - it comforts them and it accords them a sense of certainty and stable complacency in their lives.

For others, their routine shackles them to dull monotonous existence, preventing them for branching out and making new experiences and stiffles their joie de vie - it condemns them to a sterile and rigid life.

In the end, it's all about feeling your very best, being most comfortable and at ease with yourself under a given situation - routine or not.

After all from a cosmic perspective, it is us who impose rules and gives meaning to a particular moment in the grand passage of time.

And as much as we like to think that time somehow control our lives, the truth is that it has been the other way around all along.

hello, are you there?

2005-09-19T21:41:00.000+01:00

Have you ever had the distinct impression that certain people are deliberately avoiding you?

How can you tell? When the usually long MSN conversations you have with someone suddenly reduce itself to brief and hurried greetings and messages; or when you have to wait days to receive a reply to your SMSs which ultimately forces you to call up that person; or when you need to send countless e-mails just so that particular person will be induced to write back to you.

What are the kind of reasons given? Some people may be too busy that they really have no time for themselves, much less to call up and chat with you - which they might perceived as a luxury; some people are contrained by a confluence of unfortunate events and circumstances, preventing them to keep in touch with others at a particular moment in time; some people are just not bothered or despised by your company, thus having to come up with one weak reason after the other for supposedly not being able to contact you; and some people just choose to remain silent, preferring to let others make the first contact.

Why are we so upset over it? Because we are hurt by their passiveness and couldn't-care-less attitude; because we felt that all of our effort to initiate contact have gone down the drain; because we expect them to at least return the favor; because we want to make them feel bad for ignoring us; because we want something else other than their replies and company.

Granted, we have every right to feel uptight and offended if a certain someone happened to ignore all our attempts to communicate him; but I guess we too are obliged to re-examine our true motives and intentions to initiate that contact in the first place.

I believe that if we truly have faith in that particular person, no matter how often he or she ignores your e-mails, MSN messages or SMSs, we will keep on sending them in hopes that eventually they can bring themselves to reply.

If our intentions are pure, then we will be able to muster enough faith and patience to do that without succumbing to doubts and ill thoughts. After all, it takes a whole lot of courage to believe in someone rather than to doubt them.

But if that person chooses to ignore your attempts to contact him or her, then perhaps you should respect his decision and cease your efforts. It may be kinder to him/her and yourself to do that - you should know a lost cause when you see one.

Some people might abhor any attempts to read too much into a given situation and that one should always be willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. For them, it is too much to get all worked up just over the indifferent behavior of a single person.

I guess as much as it is proper and necessary for us to always be sensitive to the needs and intentions of our friends, it is equally important to learn when to respectfully back out if our friends felt that we are carelessly trespassing their personal space.

It all boils down again to the issue of trust and your true intentions - when it is too much that you should back out or when it is too little that you should move in.

Ignorance and concern each have their own suitable niche in any friendship and one should always be mindful of that.

But I suppose when you put the whole issue into perspective, it's not really the end of the world if one person decides to ignore you altogether; as long as you have exempted yourself from the blame and cleared your conscience, that should be good enough for you.

Besides, when one door closes, another door opens, right? For each person who have been hurt, they will always be another who have the ability to heal, another who can offer you refuge and comfort, another who can share your pain and frusfrations.

It is precisely in understanding the situation, putting it into perspective and taking the best course of action given the circumstances you are in which differentiates those who are in control of their emotions and those who let their emotions control them.

Having those emotions running unchecked in one's mind does not bode well for one's well-being; despair, resentment and angst are bad for one's soul.

It is detrimental to keep them in for too long because when it eventually comes out, it might get ugly.

of history and ignorance

2005-09-19T15:12:00.000+01:00

I know that some people might have grown accustomed to their pretty laidback life here in Malaysia that they dread having to fly back to London; they have developed a strong sense of attachment to the luxuries and conveniences their daily routine here have provided.

But for others, such notion of attachment are virtually unheard of; whether they are here in Malaysia or back in London, life goes on as it usually does for them - without the excessive display of emotional and cultural inertia when the time comes to leave.

I think we should do well to remember that the absence of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist; the lack of any feeling of regret and apprehension of leaving Malaysia does not make one any less grateful for having the chance of spending one's summer holidays back at home.

My point is that it is a little unreasonable to allow our sense attachment and complacency to unnecessarily distract our attention to the new exciting adventures we can look forward to in London.

To a certain extent, I find that it is a bit misguided to attach ourselves to a physical political entity i.e. our country whilst neglecting the social and cultural connections i.e. its people and heritage.

Indeed, I believe that the notion of Malaysia is not so much defined by its geo-political boundaries as much as by the characters and ideals of its people.

This is one of the reasons that I find the recent argument over the origins of the name 'Malaysia' rather misses the point, although I must fairly admit that the sudden albeit short-lived interest in Malaysian history shown by the public was heartening.

And the debate over the origins of the country's name seemed rather superficial when compared to other aspects about our country's history i.e. social, economic, political which seemed to have more substance, at least from a practical point of view.

It is certainly correct to argue about the symbolic importance of finding out the origins of our country's name in terms of its role in the development of the country's identity; but I felt that there are other more substantial issues about our country's history which are equally important to our country's identity which are worth debating about.

For instance, the histories of the early kerajaans in Penisular Malaysia, the early influence of Hinduism and Buddhism which bring about the process of Indigenization, the impact and relevance of the British socio-economic and political policies to the current political structure, the study of pre-Independence literature and press in Malaya or - like brought up by Ronnie Liu recently - the true fighters for Independence.

Personally, I felt that the notion he was trying to put forward was that they are other people, groups and parties whose efforts and dedications contribute to the gaining of independence for Malaya and its success should not be attributed only to the members of one political party.

But naturally in Malaysia, such delicate and fragile notion are stripped down and distorted for the benefit of a select few who wish to use it to gain instant political points. The fact that most of the Malaysian public are content with reading about it in the news, not bothering to find out more about its real context doesn't help either.

Not that I totally find myself in agreement with the statement made by Ronnie Liu either but we must always remember that one could draw several different, sometimes conflicting interpretations from a single historical fact.

Historical facts are certainly static and unchanging but historical interpretations can always be subjected to revisions depending on prevailing circumstances.

Besides, I believe that it is far more important to allow for open discussions and debates amongst these conflicting interpretations rather than hastily trying to decide which interpretation is the right one.

So far, most of our politicians, scholars and the public are more consumed in trying to outwit each other and proving the validity of their own interpretation in this issue whilst failing to even acknowledge - either due to sheer ignorance or an insurmountable ego - the plausibility of other interpretations.

Some of them can't barely see past beyond the bow of their own argument fearing that acknowledging other interpretations will lessen the credibility and validity of their own. They need to know that in this day and age, one sure way to strengthen one's views is to subject them to intense scrutiny by others and not by silencing the critics.

It is precisely because the issue is such a delicate one that it must be adressed immediately in an open, rational and objective manner. True, history is always written by the winning side but is it not that those who forget history are condemned to repeat it?

Especially if we choose to blatantly ignore the other side of the story, the past may come to haunt us.

In addition, when we begin to place more importance arguing over the exact origins of our country's name rather than debating about the lessons we could learn from our country's economic, social and political histories, we risk falling into the intellectual trap of putting form ahead of function.

And to tell the truth, Malaysians have been ensnared many time by such traps - but we don't seemed to learn from our mistakes.

Compounded by our revisionist attitude towards history, we risk turning our rich varied history into mindless propaganda by effectively closing the doors for further historical discourses.

It is inevitable that the interpretation of our history will be skewed to serve our nationalistic purposes, but it should not be pursued with such fervert zeal to the point that it stiffles any other point of views, thus giving the impression that the whole subject of history is dull, dry and stagnant.

Indeed, the study of history can be as vibrant and exciting as any other science subjects if one approaches it with an open mind and healthful amounts of curiosity; but then, the subject itself must be tailored in such a way that it encourages such modes of thinking.

The way I see it now, the study of history in our country seemed to induce nothing but sheer ignorance about it amongst our students - training them to accept only one version of history whilst happily ignoring the others - when it actual sense history is supposed to make one think outwards rather than inwards.

Ignorance are spread not by teaching ignorance per se but by forcefully suppresing any competing point of views and promoting their own version of history.

But then again, ignorant people act as ignorant people do, finding their audience among equally ignorant people.

all good things...

2005-09-19T11:28:00.000+01:00

This time next week, I will be back in London and on Sunday morning, I will be flying back to London.

I'm happy to say that I had a thoroughly good time during my summer holidays; apart from slipping effortlesly back into my role as 'housekeeper' around the house, I managed to re-discover and catch up with old friends and teachers, try out and hone in my skills on new endavours and forge better and meaningful relationships.

It has been one hell of an emotional ride, filled with joy, pride, anger, resentment, despair, angst, humor and satisfaction; it certainly wasn't an uneventful holiday.

It is a little sad that I have to leave just as I am about to be comfortable with my daily routine here for there are several things I am definitely going to miss.

I will miss having breakfast at those small Malay stalls - enjoying a plate of nasi lemak with a glass of teh tarik and occasionally having those lightly toasted and fluffy kaya breads with half-boiled eggs - all for only RM2.50.

I will miss visiting the riotous pasar malams - a venerable Malaysian institution - and being able to tempt your palate with the sheer variety of Malaysian cuisine or just watching Malaysians from all walks of life minggling and exchanging stories and gossips.

I will miss the soft soothing sounds of the real Malaysian rain outside my window and feeling the cool breeze on your face after a heavy downpour. I will miss being able to switch on the fan or air conditioner whenever the heat is too much to bear.

I will miss scanning the Malaysian newspapers and musing over the quirky, paradoxical and perplexing nature of the Malaysian public and leaders and imagining how things could be a whole lot better if someone truly capable were at the helm.

I will miss the comforting thought of knowing that most of my friends and teachers are only a driving distance away and ever ready to listen, talk or debate whenever I feel like I need to.

I will miss being able to fetch my brother and sister from their respective schools, taking them for lunch or snacks along the way.

I will miss the security, warmth and complacency of being surrounded by my family besides being able to help them get through their lives in return.

I realized that there are plenty of things I should be grateful for and I am glad that I have been given the opportunity to be part of those things. I hope that my presence have left some imprint - no matter how miniscule - on their daily lives and manage to induce some form of change in the long term.

I believe that the only thing that will stand up to the savage and continual onslaughts of time are the deeds and impacts you have made on someone else's lives which are safely locked away in their minds and hearts.

When you put it that way, the fact that you will be travelling nearly 12 000 km across the seas and will be physically separated for the next 9 months or so are rather immaterial.

Indeed, you will continue to hear the distant calls of memories and see familiar grounds, both of which transcend all spatial and temporal boundaries.

And as you reflect on that, you will eventually come to realize that you never actually left here.

nst replies 3 - of humility and defiance

2005-09-12T16:43:00.000+01:00

Third comment

True, it won international awards but how well do foreigners know and understand our culture? It is the same when we watch American movies and deduce that they are portrayals of American families. I have nothing against independent movies but Sepet was not that great and it is time we understood that just because foreign critics thought it was good, does not mean that it was.

Truth be told, I was smilling to myself when I read this bit of the letter and I have come to realized that we Malaysians are a funny and paradoxical bunch.

It is a well-known fact that our appetite for international renown and recognition are enormous and we are more than willing to go to the extremes in order to obtain such recognition from others - pouring lots of money to pursue mind-boggling activities such as cooking the largest this, painting the largest that etc.

However, under certain circumstances, we choose to refuse such international recognition bestowed upon us; we then tell ourselves that we do not require acknowledgement from others to know that our decisions and actions are right and that we can figure out what's good for our well-being for ourselves without the need for anyone to 'meddle' in our 'internal affairs.' Any further attempts to comment on our actions or decisions are simply labeled as anything from 'external interference' to 'neo-colonialism.'

Therefore, on one hand we graciously accepts such recognition and acknowledgement but on the other hand, we simply shrugs them off simply as an affront to our independence and sovereignty.

Although our defiance and steadfastness to stand up for what we think is right are commendable, at times this streak of independence have made us lose touch with reality.

It could certainly be argued that just because the foreign critics thought Sepet was good, it doesn't necessarily needs to be so. But considering the number of prestigious foreign awards Sepet have received, it's quite puzzling to find the local movie scene to be so antagonistic towards Sepet's win.

In the era of globalization, we cannot afford to go on about our lives without any care for what other people say about us. We need to realize that as the geographical and social borders around us dissapear, our playing field not only encompasses the local movie scene but the international movie scene.

And for Sepet to win these foreign awards, it tells something about the acceptance of the international movie scene towards the movie. It also means that Sepet has achieved a certain standard of excellence and on par with other international movies.

Perhaps the international juries are able to look beyond the superficial elements of the film - the lavish sets and props, the intricate costumes, the dazzling special effects, the huge budget - and focus more on the essence of the movie i.e. the real story the moviemaker wishes to tell.

Besides, one must always remember that two wrongs does not make one right; we can go on and claim that our oppositions to Sepet are justified until the cows come home but if almost the whole world takes up the opposite view, we should at least try to take into account their point of view.

After all, isn't humility just as important as confidence?

nst replies 2 - a question of degree

2005-09-12T15:38:00.000+01:00

Second comment

Sepet struck me as a personal movie by Yasmin Ahmad. She was re-living the experiences of her younger days. It is not a complete portrayal of today’s Malaysians. Everything in that movie reminded me of the 70s. The old government house (why did the family remain there when the father had retired?), the furniture, etc. And what’s with the main character’s obsession with the baju kurung? We live in the 21st century and even in remote kampungs, we do not see teenagers in their baju kurung. This is not a true reflection of present-day Malaysians. Sepet struck me as a personal movie by Yasmin Ahmad. She was re-living the experiences of her younger days. It is not a complete portrayal of today’s Malaysians.

I would like to point out that I wasn't solely referring to the visual aspects of the movie when I concluded that Sepet is a good and honest potrayal of Malaysian life.

Rather, I was referring to the issues raised and tackled in the movie, the plot of the movie, the dialogue and dynamics between the characters in the movie.

I couldn't care less whether the Malay girl was wearing a baju kurung, cheogsam or skirts throughout the movie or whether the furnitures look like they are directly transported from the 1970s. To me, the locations, props and costumes used are merely a vehicle for the filmmaker to present her story.

Granted, the props and costumes might have been choosen to add a local touch to the movie, to enhance the visual quality of the film or to enable the audience to readily identify with the characters and locations, hence allowing them to fully immerse themselves in an environment which closely resembles a Malaysian setting.

But what matters to me was the essence of the movie and the issues it chooses to tackle.

In addition, I had mentioned in my original article that I admit some parts of the movie might have been 'enhanced' to ensure a smoother transition to the screen and I didn't recall saying that the movie was a 100% accurate potrayal of Malaysian life.

No movie could ever completely captures the subject which is meant to be central focus of the movie, no matter how faithful or meticulous the moviemaker might be. There are bound to be some aspects of the movie which deviates from the original subject matter - that is to be expected.

Therefore, I believe the question of whether Sepet is an exact potrayal of Malaysian life or not should not be asked in absolute terms - it is not a question of 'yes, it is' or 'no, it is not' i.e. the issue is not simply black or white. To even think of phrasing the question in that manner reflects a lack of in-depth analysis and simplistic thinking.

Besides, if we are to subject all movies to the same strict criterion, I doubt not many movies will be acknowledged as an accurate potrayal of whatever it is they intend to potray in the first place.

Rather, the question as to whether Sepet is an exact potrayal of Malaysian life or not is a question of degree. And when one judges a movie, one should find that some movies are much better at capturing the real essence of their subject matter compared to others and precisely based on this fact that we should provide our verdict on Sepet.

In short, the question is not whether or not Sepet is an accurate potrayal of Malaysian life; rather, it should be to what extent Sepet accurately potrays Malaysian life. The distinction between the two is subtle but makes a whole lot of difference.

Personally, compared to other stereotypical local movies, I believe that Sepet does a good job at portaying Malaysian life; note that I said Malaysian not Malays.

I mean, how close to the realities of Malaysian life are other local movies such as Sembilu, Puteri Impian, Senario the Movie etc.? Besides, since when local filmmakers strive to potray the issues of Malaysian life rather than making films solely to appease the whims of the movie-goers or to make lots of money?

And if you wish to talk about visual accuracy, since when the Javanese palaces during the time of the Malacca Sultanate used modern bricks for their buildings such as potrayed in PGL? How about the kungfu-like fighting scenes in the movie?

In addition, who have the authority to decide whether a movie is cinematic enough or not? Is it proper to impose one's criterion for cinematic quality on someone else without understanding the context of the movie?

Even though not a filmmaker myself, I believe one should not blatantly sacrifice faithful potrayals in a movie just to increase the film's cinematic quality or to make it cinematic enough.

But then again, that's a personal remark.

nst replies 1 - the elusive notion of patriotism

2005-09-12T14:50:00.000+01:00

I know I should let the matter regarding my article published in NST to rest but the letters keep coming in and I am somewhat tempted to reply to them. This letter was published in today's NST (12 th September).

I would like to offer some comments on several points raised in the letter and I will do it in 3 parts.

First comment

From my contact with friends and family, I noticed that my young urban cousins and friends loved this movie to bits while the older generation like my parents, aunts and uncles, especially the kampung ones, did not think highly of the movie.

This is actually a very interesting observation about the movie - why does the issues raised in the movie connect more readily with young people rather than with adults? One reason might be because the plot of the movie revolves around the relationships between two teenagers rather than between two adults which are often potrayed in a stereotypical Malay movie.

But it is quite simplistic to attribute the observation only to this reason alone - I believe it is not so much of the actual potrayal of the relationship itself which appeals to the youths, but rather the essence and issues raised in the movie - the complications of inter-racial relationships, the challenges and pressures a youth face in their daily lives with their families and friends.

It is not a simple love story - but a love story made within the context of the challenges of Malaysian life divided along racial lines. Youths today identify with that because it is the kind of issues they encounter everyday; they are willing to grow out of their racial coccon and refuse to allow racial suspicions to be imposed on their lives.

I believe that this is a crucial point to note - Malaysian youths today have a somewhat different interpretation of the notion of 'patriotism' compared to their parents or grandparents; they do not live through the pre-Independence period of the country's history under the colonial rule of the British and Japanese, hence could not be expected to have the same degree of appreciation of the struggles of the country's founding fathers.

That is not to say that youths today are ignorant to the country's history; rather, their notion of 'patriotism' seldom conjures up the image of militaristic struggles against the Communist or of patient negotiations with the British.

Therefore, their notion of 'patriotism' often find its basis in the challenges and problems of the present generation - the problem of true unity among the races, the absence of equal opportunities among the races, the socio-economic gap between the rich and poor, the paralyzing state of our education system, the imposition of moral rules on social conduct etc.

These are the problems and challenges of relevance to Malaysian youths now; the challenges of their generation. Hence, their notion of 'patriotism' must be revised in accordance to these issues and challenges - the creation of a just, diligent and equal society where their race is neither a hindrace or an unfair advantage to their own personal advancement in life.

For them, overcoming these challenges epitomizes and resonates with their current notion of 'patriotism.'

When viewed in this context, one should not be surprised if youths today are not as jubilant to wave the Jalur Gemilang or sing patriotic songs during the Merdeka month celebrations; in their minds, they felt that Malaysia have a long way to go before it becomes a country which they have envision.

The struggles for Independence are of the past generation - their parents and gransparents - and have succeded; however, the post-Independence era is frought with its own social, economic and political challenges and it is precisely to overcome these challenges that today's youths have found their niche.

These are the struggles of their generation and we have only just begun to grasp and tackle them.

ad absurdum...

2005-09-07T19:20:00.000+01:00

I sent my blog entry 'A Merdeka Thought' to the News Straits Times (NST), The Sun and The Star. The Sun published the whole complete article in its Merdeka Supplement section (31st August) on page 22.

However, the NST (1st September) published a very stripped-down version of my article, apparently focusing only on the Sepet and PGL bits of the article and removing the remainder of the article:

My article as published in NST 1st September

Naturally, it has attracted several responses, one which claims that my reasoning 'simply lacks academic anaysis':

A reader's reply to my published article (NST 6th Sept)

I would like to stress here that my original article was never meant to be a professional review of Sepet or PGL. If it was, I would written a more detailed (and longer) article than that in order to do the film justice.

If anyone have read the entire article here on my blog, they will know that the parts on Sepet and PGL are merely a vehicle for me to begin my article - it only makes up a quarter of the original article.

Indeed, the editors of theCICAK.com removed the references to Sepet and PGL because they felt that it was the weakest part of the article - which is mainly reflections on the state of our country. The edited version published in theCICAK.com could be read here.

In the original article, I touched on the issue of equal playing field among all Malaysians, the need for transparency, accountability and integrity before rounding it up with my evaluation on the survival value of the Malays.

All of this have been conveniently removed from my original article; even some of my comments about Sepet and PGL were unceremoniously deleted such as:

Granted, some of the potrayals in the film might be 'enhanced' to increase its impact on the audience, but the potrayals draw their basis from real life facts.
If the detractors for the movie felt the potrayals in the film repulsive, then they should re-examine and introspect their own self and ideals rather than channelling their disgust at the images reflected in the film itself. Besides, cleaning one's reflection on a mirror will not make one's face any cleaner. Could it be that the truth hurts so much that we couldn't bear to see and stare at our own reflection?
I realized that some might oppose to the Sepet's win purely because it triumphs over big-budget movies such as Puteri Gunung Ledang; some people felt that the fact PGL is a big budget movie alone makes it worthy to reap the top prizes. Such reasoning only typifies the prevailing yet misguided Malaysian attitude of the 'most expensive is always the best.'
However, we cannot deny our own reflection just as we cannot run away from our own shadow; either we confront it face-on or it will haunt us forever. Therefore, I believe that we can no longer remain ignorant to the slow decay of our country and its people.

I felt that comment no. 1 was very important because I admitted that some portrayals in the movie are slightly exxagerated to increase it's cinematic quality and that I am not taking the whole movie as it is.

The reasons behind the deletions of comments 2, 3 and 4 are a lot more easier to fathom, when you take into account the fact that it is being published in the NST.

Professor Datuk Dr Dyed Hussein Alatas lamented the lack of intellectual discourses among Malaysians in his recent interview with the Sun. When asked about ways to stimulate thinking, he replied, "The most important thing is the media. To talk in practical terms, the newspapers should have columns and try and get thinking people to contribute, do not impose any internal censorship."

Though I would hardly claim that my article was of an intellectual nature, I find that their decisions to irresponsibly edit my articles in such a myopic manner either shows that they are totally ignorant to the more significant points of my article or that they deliberately choose to delete those parts - the reason for which are only known to them.

Either way, it shows the lack of maturity and moral hindsight of the newspaper in carrying honest, provocative and engaging articles about the country to the public.

It would be very sad indeed if we could not count on the country's media to fulfill this responsibility of theirs.

getting to know you

2005-09-05T16:25:00.000+01:00

I had tremendous fun at the Freshers Camp in Tapah over the weekend.

I enjoyed minggling around with the juniors and just getting to know them. I derived great satisfaction from sharing my experiences and my naive and limited knowledge of life in London with them.

I guess I must have did more of the latter rather than the former because most of the juniors commented that I'm 'quiet but informative' - which makes me sounds like a computer or an information desk.

In addition, my mortal concluded for my letters to her that I might have disliked her; but I must admit that my first few letters to her were a bit impersonal by the usual standards. Anyway, I have apologized and cleared up the matter with her so I pray that no lasting damage is done.

I guess I'm just the kind of person who takes a much longer time to warm up to new people. But once I do, I think I'm quite an easy person to get along with - but I rather leave that judgement to my friends to make.

I mean, I am very sure of the validity of the first sentence but the second one is pure speculation on my behalf. I guess in the matters of the heart, incessant mutterings are sometimes more preferable than ambigious silence.

Apart from the juniors, I cherished the fact of being able to meet up with the seniors from my batch and the ex-committee members; I am happy because I was able to get to know some of them very much closer during the camp, more than I ever did in the past 9 months in London.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Joo Hong for being such a great, loyal and admirable company during the camp - from the moment I retrieve you from Wei Chieh in Ipoh till the very last day of the camp.

The same gratitude also goes out to Jian Jiao and Cheng Chun. I enjoyed those small talks we had either over breakfast or during BBBQ; it was great fun spending time with you guys and hope we could continue being close friends.

Thank you to Winston for allowing me to tease you about your weight; I would like to assure you for the umpteenth time that you are not fat and you should not worry unncessarily about it, because worrying can induce overeating in some people which will make you fat. Really.

Thank you to Song for bearing with my peculiarities, quirks and sheer incompetencies which I might have inadevertently exhibited throughout the camp. I am grateful to have you by my side.

Thank you to Stone and Wesley for giving a truly moving and fitting presentation of the Malaysian Night. I think your presentation did justice to the pure essence and drive of the production besides reminding us the great times we once had doing it.

Lastly, my highest congratulations to Chuan and Wei Chieh over the smooth and succesful running of the whole camp; your tenacity and enthutiasm have helped tremendously in making the camp a huge hit among the juniors and seniors alike.

I went to the Freshers Camp with hopes of forging close ties with the juniors and to share all that I could with them in preparation for their departure. But in the end, I discovered something that is not so external but equally important which I had nearly overlooked- the relationships I already had with my friends.

I have come to realize how lucky I am to be in their wonderful company and the many insights I've gained through my friendships with them. They have certainly made my life in London a lot less lonely and a lot more richer and meaningful.

It was an honour and a pleasure indeed.

menjelang kemerdekaan...

2005-08-30T10:21:00.000+01:00

TANAH AIR
Allahyarham Dato' Usman Awang

Engkau, Tanah Air, pemilik perut yang berbudi,
Penampung hujan, penyedut sinar matari,
Lahirlah anak-anakmu dari semaian-semaian petani.

Engkau, ibu murni, dengan jasa abadi,
Berdetik di denyut nafas kami,
Kerana kita adalah satu dan sama dipunyai.

Telah kau rasa segala seperti kamu,
Dalam kengerian perang dadamu dibongkar besi,
Di mana-mana wajahmu tidak pernah mati.

Tapi begitu sejarah hidup zaman-berzaman,
Yang pernah merangkul pahlawan kemerdekaan,
Mereka sujud dalam kaku memohon perlindungan.

Bukankah dengan kasih dan harapan,
Kau tenggelamkan mereka dalam dakapan,
Di mana bunga ganti nisan bertaburan?

Negara baru di atas rongga jantungmu,
Akan tegak bertapak dalam kebebasan,
Cinta antara kita wahyu dari Tuhan.

a merdeka thought

2005-08-26T11:15:00.000+01:00

The sheer intensity of the recent uproar and controversy over Sepet's win at a national level film award has totally caught me by surprise; apparently, some members of our film industry does not approve of the jury's decision to bestow the highest award to the movie Sepet.

Many of my friends who have watched the movie said that Sepet is the only truly Malaysian movie produced so far; having watched the movie myself, I find myself in total agreement with them.

Sepet is a movie that any normal, self-respecting Malaysian could relate to. It bears completely to the audience the honest albeit uncomfortable truths of the realities of life in Malaysia. Granted, some of the potrayals in the film might be 'enhanced' to increase its impact on the audience, but the potrayals draw their basis from real life facts.

Therefore, for the movie to receive such intense opposition is beyond me. If the detractors for the movie felt the potrayals in the film repulsive, then they should re-examine and introspect their own self and ideals rather than channelling their disgust at the images reflected in the film itself.

Besides, cleaning one's reflection on a mirror will not make one's face any cleaner. Could it be that the truth hurts so much that we couldn't bear to see and stare at our own reflection?

I realized that some might oppose to the Sepet's win purely because it triumphs over big-budget movies such as Puteri Gunung Ledang; some people felt that the fact PGL is a big budget movie alone makes it worthy to reap the top prizes. Such reasoning only typifies the prevailing yet misguided Malaysian attitude of the 'most expensive is always the best.'

However, we cannot deny our own reflection just as we cannot run away from our own shadow; either we confront it face-on or it will haunt us forever. Therefore, I believe that we can no longer remain ignorant to the slow decay of our country and its people.

We must wake up to the harsh realities of the state of our country; we must be willing to have a good stare at ourselves - our successes and our failings; we must seek ways to root out the endemic problems that have been gradually entrenched into the notion of a properous and harmonious nation initially propounded by our founding fathers.

The awareness must come swiftly and actions taken immediately before it incurs irreparable damage on the well-being of our country and its people. However, I believe that a sustained and concerted change could not occur without the realization of two things.

First, the creation of an equal playing field in all aspects of economy, education and social issues which allows a person to advance based purely on his merits rather than his connections. The world may not be flat but the playing field between all Malaysians should be.

Second, an unwavering commitment towards transparency, integrity and accountability in every level of society - from the country's top leaders to a lowly janitor. After all, if one is working solely for the betterment of one's country and the people one serves, why should there be anything to hide to begin with?

In Malaysia, those who discussed these kinds of things will eventually find themselves bumping into a wall called 'affirmative action for the Bumiputra' - a series policies put in place to safeguard and secure the political, economic and social position and well-being of the Bumiputras.

But is the wall really that insurmountable? Does it really impede the efforts to reinvent the Malaysian society for the betterment of the country?

I believe that the real cause for the affirmative actions have been betrayed. Coupled this with the inherent apathy among the Malays, the policies have not managed to produce the targeted results even after being put in place for nearly 20 years.

The aim to create a class of independent, resourceful and towering Malays have only increased their appetite for subsidies, loans and govermental assistance. True to its name, Melayu have indeed become Me-LAYU.

To stem such decay, Malays must be willing to reflect on their qualities and failings besides being prepared to come out of their comfort zone. They must be willing to change themselves.

Some Malays might balk at such suggestions, but they need to realize that it is their future which is at stake. More importantly, it is our country's future at stake as well.

If the Malays then are willing to give the Chinese and Indians citizenship during the pre-Independence era, then the Malays now must be willing to initiate a radical make-over of themselves in order to ensure the survival of our country and the other races.

The Malays must be willing to make some sacrifices or pengorbanan just like their forefathers had done.

Of course, to lead and rally the Malays to make such a move requires an honest, firm and enlightened leader who puts the long term gains of the country before the his own short term political gains. He must not only preach but also practices the ideals he espouse.

After all, one could not freely preach others while at the same time be living in sins. That said, Malaysians must also be courageous enough make our leaders accountable for their words and actions.

Indeed, some might point to the historical and social inertia which continually prevents us from embracing change. It is one thing to remember our past so as to not lose our head but it is another thing altogether to use our past as a convenient excuse not to change.

We may be known by our races now but it need not be the case in the future; for instance, I look forward to the day when we need not worry about not having enough Malay or Indian influence or dances in a cultural perfomance. Rather, a Malay can happily look at an Indian dance and say, 'That's a Malaysian dance' and that should be good enough for all of us.

But for now, a true Malaysian is a lonely person.

Kassim Ahmad, a thinker and philosopher mentioned in his recent interview with the Sun that nearly 30 years have passed and no fundamental change have occured in our country and unless anything is done soon, we're doomed.

Judging from the reaction received by Sepet, I too have a reason to be apprehensive about Malaysia's future and the direction our country will take. But then again, Kassim Ahmad has been around for nearly 70 years while I am still 20 years old with a lot of more years to spare, God willing.

I can only pray that I won't be repeating his gloomy forecast about our country's future when I reached his age.

Selamat Hari Merdeka Malaysia...

critic vs. friend

2005-08-24T00:34:00.000+01:00

Certain turn of events in the past few days have forced me to re-evaluate the surrounding circumstances of being a friend and a critic.

When you criticized someone, does that mean that you are no longer that person's friend? Obviously the proposition contained in this question is terribly absurd for it logically follows that if the answer is yes, it means that when we befriend someone, we could not and should not criticize at all.

After all, a true friendship emerged stronger if it survives the criticism rather than quickly falling apart right?

But I am not talking about those kinds of simplistic circumstances; I am referring to the cordialities and courtesies one should always exhibit and offer to one's friends - should one do away with it completely when one criticizes one's friend? Will turning off one's politeness makes the criticism more stinging, more piercing, more effective?

I believe that sometimes in my zeal to criticize and comment, I may have forgotten that the person I am commenting is a friend of mine - someone whom I had the honour and pleasure of knowing.

It's a funny thing but sometimes when you criticizes a friend, all your past experiences with him, all the memories and the strong bond of friendships forged seemed to be conveniently thrown out the window the instant you utter your first remark.

In the short term, you may feel a sense of satisfaction or even vindication of being able to convey your criticisms and comments to your friend. But once that feeling disappears, a sense of regret may take over and you wished that you could have been a little more tactful and understanding.

I believe that this is exactly what has occupied my mind for the past few days; in my haste to ensure my suggestions are effectively conveyed across, I may have forgotten my manners.

I mean, I'm not one of the judges of Malaysian Idol who is at the liberty at firing blunt and direct criticisms to complete strangers without any remorse. Rather, I am commenting and criticizing a friend; therefore, I felt that the rules, manners and cordialities one usually expects in a friendship still apply in such situations.

The bottom line is that being a friend and being a critic are not mutually exclusive of each other; you can still be good at one of the roles without abandoning too much of the ideals of its counterpart.

I am not saying that I regretted saying the things I've said but I just think that I should be a bit more gentler and polite next time in the diction of my comments.

Indeed, we should do well to remember that the slow, gentle drip of water is just as effective and powerful as the forceful poundings of the waves in changing the shapes of rocks.

see no evil, hear no evil, do no evil?

2005-08-23T23:49:00.000+01:00

Admittedly, these past few days have been an 'interesting' one for me - a mix of disappoinment, surprise, despair, joy, exasperation and relief; one could say that I got more than what I bargain for when I came to KL on Sunday.

I have realized a long time ago that I am inclined to be a non-conformist and a bit of a rebel whenever I am in a group of people.

Even before some of my friends alerted me on the 'difficulties' and 'friction' that might arise in the course of my work with this certain group of people, I could foresee that it may not be a smooth sailing all the way to the end.

Add in my rebellious inclinations and I can say that my presence may even stir up a storm. With that forecast in mind, I have tried to exercise some restraint over the things I would say or do since the beginning.

It is often said that you cannot deflect a storm from its predetermined path, but you can only try to avoid being in its way. Therefore, the storm came and went just as predicted and I had the unfortunate experience of bearing the full force and brunt of it.

Some of my friends were slightly dissatisfied with the way some things are proceeding within a particular group and I agreed with what they have said.

Therefore, I decided to suggest a few things to give more structure to the group, streamline the division of tasks and point out to them the need for greater urgency. I also offered some of my personal views on the proposed meeting they were planning to have.

Considering what had indirectly transpired afterwards, I would say that I didn't regret saying the things I've said in the proposal but I regretted for not having to put them in a more tactful and less blunt manner; I would like to believe that the nature of my suggestions not the actual of my suggestions that might caused some discomfort among the other group members.

I have continually tried to remind myself that they would never be bothered by such things. I am giving them the benefit of the doubt by denying my fears that some of them might have been offended with my suggestions. Instead, I would like to believe that I am worrying over nothing and that all these fears are the result of my wild imagination and unchecked paranoia.

If my speculations are proven to be unfounded, then I should rightfully apologize for my behavior and will gladly remove myself from the group. However, if there is any indication otherwise, I will definitely consider removing myself from the group.

I intended none harm, said none harm and did none harm; if that is not enough to keep me within the group, I may be better of not being in it.

the measure of one's success

2005-08-20T11:14:00.000+01:00

The question of the recognition of one's achievements is always a tricky one; should one be contended with one's achievements even if others around doesn't approve of it? Some people only care about how they feel about their achievements even if the rest of the world abhors them; for them, the only recognition worthy of their attention is their own.

Not that there is anything inherently wrong with that premise, but some people tend to stretch the meaning of that statement to the extreme; in order to satisfy their insatiable appetite for instant glory and recognition, they are usually willing to take the short route to extol themselves which is normally frought with dubiousness and complicity.

What makes the whole affair a lot more troubling is that the credit is often not given where it is due; these recognitions lack sincerity and honest admiration and serves only as a superficial decoration.

But then again, the question of honesty might not be of utmost importance to those who will do anything to obtain the recognitions they seek in the first place. For them, the ends do justify the means.

What is even more worrying is when people in high position of power displays such deplorable and shameful attitude, where it can wreak havoc with the long term well-being of an organization.

I think such attitude is more common among those who have always been under the authority of someone else; when their bond with their authoritative ruler is gradually weaken, they have a tendency to display a streak of independence by wiping off any traces of their former subjugation.

They seek to differentiate themselves as much as possible from their former masters even if it means embarking or adopting something totally radical that does not suit their inherent persona, nature and values.

Obviously such efforts are not always reprehensible, but when the sentimental desires to rewrite and reform oneself take precedence over the practical desires for actual, concrete progress, one might end up dismantling the functioning system that has been set in place by one's predecessors. The single step forward one takes might leave you two steps behind.

After nearly 50 years of gaining independence, I felt that Malaysia is still trapped in such a mindset. On one hand, we want to assert our own self, to proudly speaks our own national language, to create our own world-class students and workers and develop our nation according to a truly Malaysian mould.

On the other hand, discussions over crucial issues of national interest such as the medium of instruction in our education or the leveling of economic playing field still draw heated and emotional reactions from several groups which ultimately stiffled the move towards the creation of a unified and equal nation.

Furthermore, the confluence of lack of self-confidence coupled with sheer incompetence, the stiffling atmosphere of unequal opportunities and deep racial segregations has caused the confident striding steps taken by our forefathers towards the goals mentioned above to gradually falter and slowed down to a crawl.

Now, the sheer diversity which makes us unique as a country is widely perceived as the very thing that is holding us back.

But I do not believe in that; our diversity is an inevitable fact of our life as a Malaysian which all of us - from the politicians to the students - have to learn to accept and appreciate. On its own, it does not serve to hinder us back or propel us forward but could be guided to go either way under a skillful and firm hand.

Our country is nearly half a century old and it will be a sad and unfair reflection of a Malaysian's ingenuity, maturity and character if we could not bring ourselves together and figure out a way to move forward confidently by gradually shedding our prejudices and cynicism, rejecting excessive materialistic desires and casting away our paralysing apathy.

If such problems are left unattended and not immediately adressed, we may find ourselves moving backwards in the near future; and that will be very sad indeed.

a cause for change

2005-08-17T05:52:00.000+01:00

Consider the following situation: friend A who is strong-willed and a pleasant company to be around with but is incurably dishonest and friend B who is resourceful and talented but tends to be careful to the extent of extreme hesitation.

Friend A is not ashamed to flagrantly distort and exaggerate the facts of his life and his accomplishments; friend B has grown too comfortable with his life and the sense of security it has accorded to him to the point that any possibilities for personal betterment seemed reprehensible to him.

In short, one of them have an excessive desire to become more that what he really is and the other is afraid to become more than what he possibly could and capable of; here's a toast to stability!

Friend A argued that it is unhealthy for others to doubt his achievements because he believed that - as he put it himself - "everyone has the innate ability to realise his potential to its fullest given that he worked hard enough."

The statement is perfectly agreeable to most people; but if taken at face value, it seemed to justify his somewhat gradiose claims and stories, leaving no room for scrutinization; he can go about distorting and exaggerating facts without any qualms because others do not have any right to question them or if based on his logic, anything is possible if one works hard enough.

People often say that if you work hard enough, you can reach for the stars; but I doubt that they meant it to be taken literally.

If the claims and stories start to contradict each other, bordering on spatial and temporal impossibility, no amount of 'hard work' or 'effort' can make them agree with each other; mere mortals are not able to turn water into wine.

As tempting as it might be for me to 'publicly' expose the inconsistencies in his claims and stories with the distant hope that it will eventually bring him back to the ground, I have decided to bring the matter up to him and allow him to set his records straight.

I must admit that this involves a huge leap of faith for me as he have never gave me a strong and consistent reason to completely trust him. Even though believing in someone is far less wearying than doubting them, it should not be done at the expense of the truth.

As for friend B, I felt that he has grown a little too complacent with his current position; one will be hard pressed to find any fault about this, but he himself is not too happy with it either - he often complains about the dull monotony of his life and how dissatisfied he is with it.

I think when you are continually dissatisfied about something which you are supposed to be extremely fond of, then something is wrong somewhere and it would be wise for you to stop for while and re-examine your motives.

Besides, what do you do when you found out that the wine doesn't taste as good as you expect it would?

However, most people have a certain amount of emotional inertia which makes them intrinsicly resistant to change or even the mere thought of change; being cooped up for a long time in a single place does not serve to remove the comfortable sense of security and control which firmly withhelds one from embracing change and improvement.

Indeed, a person have to muster a great deal of courage and preseverance to abandon one's lofty and well-to-do position for better and greener pastures. It might be a rough and abscure path but you will never fully comprehed its worth until one has travelled it for yourself.

I think the lack of change which will eventually lead to stagnation and deterioration should be a good enough reason to nudge oneself to start one's journey down that path; everyone have the capacity to better themselves and it is a tremendous waste to let that opportunity slip away.

However, the zeal to better and improve oneself should always be grounded in reality and not allowed take operatic proportions and grandeur; to do so would cause one's true intentions to be unduly questioned - even by well-meaning individuals.

hazy weather, hazy minds?

2005-08-12T00:50:00.000+01:00

Several issues that has been in the news lately got me thinking about how powerful perception or misperception is:

Haze & API - The government decided to lift the secrecy surrounding the API by releasing the API figures to the public; how will this move be perceived and what does it signifiy about the present administration? Only a day before it was decided that the API figures were released, the DPM made a statement saying that the government had no plans to release them and a day after it was released, he accused some foreign media (aren't it always?) of distorting the facts and providing a misleading picture of the current haze situation; how will the public perceive the cabinet's sudden decision to overturn the 8 year ban of the release of the API figures recently trumpeted by the DPM? The conventional reason given by the government for not dilvulging the API figures is out of fear that it will be exxagerated and mistreperted, hence chasing away tourists and visitors; how will the public - who doesn't have the luxury of leaving the country whenever an environmental catastrophe occurs - perceive this logic which seemed to put the well-being of tourists ahead that of its citizens?

Approved Permits (AP) - While the government's decision to release the list of name of AP holders is certainly laudable, the lists and statistics made public were reportedly riddled with inaccuracies and inconsistencies; how will this slight oversight affect the public's perception towards the sincerity of the government and accountability of this policy? The MIT minister have stubbornly refused to bow to the pressures for a clearer and better explanation of the inctricacies of the AP policty and even lashed back unabashedly at her detractors - even other cabinet members; how will the public perceive her apparent inability to appreciate the weight of the situation bearing down on her and the entire administration? The MIT minister was absent during the previous cabinet meeting, citing health reasons before jet-setting to Australia and at the same time, giving us new insights into the layout of her ministry building as she tries to avoid nosy and inquisitive reporters; how will her 'convenient' absence at the cabinet meeting and determination to escape from reporters be perceived by the public especially about her credibility and accountability?

Incurable tendencies - Person A seemed to be studying at a new place every few months or so, always being offered new scholarships to study at a new place - even when it seemed a little too often; how will the people around him perceive him especially those who have known him/her for a long time thus being very familiar with his/her antics? Person B claims that he/she have relatives (however distant) in almost 20 cities around the globe and each of them managed to become rather succesful at each respective places, becoming Nobel laureates and restaurant owners; how will other people perceive him/her whenever he/she unabashedly makes one of those grandiose claims of his/hers? Person C have a tendency to exxagerate and distort the truths about his/her life story - from boasting about performing with a famous pianist at the DFP to keeping a whole collection of orchestral instruments in his/herhouse ; when the cat is finally out of the bag, how will others perceive him and more importantly, how will others view what he/she perceived of them?

In Robert Bolt's Man for All Seasons, one character said to the main character, 'Not only you are honest, but you are known to be honest!' which underscores how powerful perception (or in the case of misperception, how damning) could be to a person.

Indeed, sometimes it is not what your intentions or actions are that matters, but rather how others will perceive that particular intention or action in the context of the surrounding circumstances.

I do not mean to say that only the outward superficial image of a person is important; but just that we all live in glass houses and we would do well to remember that each of our actions will inevitably be judged according to the prevailing sentiments about you.

Some people might balk at this notion, but if you have given people every reason to trust you and not perceive you in the most unfavourable light, the chasm between how other's perceive you and your true self won't be that wide - if it exists at all. In fact, it is exactly when you give other people a reason to doubt you that this whole credibility crisis ensues.

Granted, there are some people who choose to just skim the surface while comfortably ignoring the real substantial stuffs. But often, it is not so much about them but more about us.

For some, their perception will always be clouded and their view opaque; but for most of us, it's just due the hazy weather.

UPDATE: Read this article which follow the same vein of approach of this post - but better written.

self-professed incessant apologetic..

2005-08-10T08:55:00.000+01:00

I often think that it is a troubling indication for any friendships when you start apologizing needlessly to your friends; when your conversations are littered with the excessive use of the phrase "I'm sorry" or "I wanted to apologize for..." or something to that effect.

I admit that I am inclined to do that sometimes but I feel that I have managed to keep that tendency in check lately; lacing my apologies with humor often do the trick.

Therefore, when Song - with a slightly exasperated tone - told me that I'm being too apologetic, I knew that I am in danger of reverting back to my old apologetic self.

The conventional reason people often give for exhibiting such behavior is the fear of losing your close friends in case you accidentally upsets or hurts them. But I feel that that is only part of the real reason.

Apologetic people are what they are because they want to be in complete control of the perceptions and views others might have towards them. They want other people to regard them exactly the way they wish themselves to be regarded by other people.

When they have this goal in mind, they will try their best to act in such a way that other people will view them favorably. However, being human themselves, apologetic people will at times act foolishly or upset others; they will do things which are totally contradictory to the favourable image which they are desperately trying to cultivate. It is exactly when such things happens that they begin to apologize profusely to their friends hoping that such shameful acts will not affect their friend's perception towards them, hoping that their friends will dismiss such acts as a quirk and not indicative of their true personality.

I believe that there are several possible reasons which forces them to go through all this trouble: apologetic people may be overly conscious about their image perceived by others; apologetic people may harbor some insecurities of their own which forces them to seek acknowledgement and recognition from others; apologetic people may treasure a person's company so much that they are afraid of effectively losing it if they were to mistreat him.

Ultimately, I think it is question of trust - or rather, the lack of it; there is a fine line between minding your words and actions so that you won't upset your friends and being too protective and too careful until you are cowed into repeatedly punctuating your sentences with apologies or worse still, not risking to say anything at all to your friends.

Hurting and upsetting your friends is an inescapable fact one must be comfortable with if one wish to have a friend or be in a relationship. It is something one can't avoid from doing forever; is it not a question of if, but a question of when and how.

With that in mind, one doesn't need to be ready to apologize all the time if one feels that he/she have overstepped some boundaries; one just have to trust and believe that your friend will understand the circumstances which leads to your 'bad' actions and eventually bring themselves to forgive you.

After all, isn't being forgiven by others more preferable than having to forgive yourself each time something goes wrong between you and your friends? The former is a far better test of a friendship rather than the latter.

Besides, those who are afraid of making mistakes and taking risks have no idea what they are missing...

prepared in (rational?) minds and resources...

2005-08-04T08:49:00.000+01:00

What does it mean to be 'rational' in one's life? What is it like for someone to rationalize everything he does or to view the world through rational eyes? Does being rational means suppressing one's creativity, making a person dull and not flexible? Do we have to live a rigid and monotonous life to actually be rational?

I think it would be far easier for me to explain what does not being rational means; for me, being rational does not mean you have to know everything there is to know about something, it does not mean you have to know something inside and out before you can make a decision, it does not mean denying the unpredictability and spontaneity that often colours one's life, it does not trying to classify and put everything - tangible or intangible - into clearly defined groups.

For most people, the word rational is often seen as a direct antithesis of the word practical or empirical; they feel that rational people places more importance of the conclusions derived from one's reasoning rather than those derived from one's experience. Often, they feel that rational people tend to see too much into things or over-analyze things, something which prevented them from seeing the big picture.

In their view, rational people think too much and too deep; rational people are not someone who you would want to go to to have a normal and casual conversation, therefore many people find them to be a wearying and intellectually mind-boggling company. Rational people lack the drive and spontaneity needed to have a vibrant and happening lifestyle, they are those who spoils the mood in a crowd. Rational people are boring.

Granted, some of things mentioned above have some truth associated with it. But for me, being rational means allowing yourself some degree of knowledge which translates into control over the things happening around you; it means seeing beyond the superficial side and delving into the fundamental and underlying patterns of things; it means being aware to the other points of view present in a given circumstance and able to bring yourself to consider them without any emotional attachment; it means guarding and controlling your thoughts and speech.

In short, being rational means you are able to calm yourself down, to listen and consider sincerely what other people got to say on a subject and to be mindful of your thoughts and speech.

Therefore, if viewed in this way, being rational does not mean having to know everything there is to find out; rather it simply means knowing what you have and making the best out of the limited and contrived knowledge which we have at our disposal.

And although both involves some degree of thinking, the results of pursuing any of them are vastly different.

I must fairly admit that I have been labeled as someone who thinks too much and sees too much into things; I am not sure whether they intend to say that I'm being too rational, but I think that is what they are actually trying to convey to me.

I've given it some thought and I come to realize that given my personality, I require some form of rigid structure to contain and control my thoughts and speech. It might seemed a bit brutal to have to confined your thoughts in such a way but I do not see it as a disadvantage. Having such form of control allows me focus my thoughts and carefully considers the things I wanted to say; such rigid structure accords me some measure of stability and certainty. Rather than keeping and locking my mind in, it liberates my mind because I am able to discern the fine implicit details which allows me to better my judgements and actions. It allows me to rise above the mundane and trivial things and gives me a clear perspective on the things that really matters.

However, it is true that trying to rationalize all emotions leads you to an intellectual trap; but like I said before, being rational does not mean you have to know everything. Once viewed in that manner, being rational does not seemed to be mutually exclusive with being practical or emotional.

Indeed, I am not denying the purpose and usefulness of being emotional; but considering the state of affairs of the world today, it might not be such a bad idea to start using more of our rational self and less of our emotional self.

reunion gathering - part II

2005-08-02T09:15:00.000+01:00

I'm franky disturbed that my previous post of my class's reunion gathering sounds more like an organizational and leadership skills essay rather than a plain and simple jottings of the gathering itself. But then, I am not exactly famed for my ability to stick to the main points and not veer off from the relevant main topics in my writings; it is not something I'm proud of either.

My classmates - one year after...

Anyway, my class's reunion gathering went smoothly despite the minor complications during the planning staged. It was really heartwarming to be able to meet up with all of them again, to catch up on things, excitedly exchanging news, stories and gossips, openly sharing jokes and laughing at it together. Besides, the food was good too.

Some of us might shudder and cringe at the thought of attending a reunion and some cannot endure the line of questioning which one will have to face at such events. Granted, some of us will be subjected to such questions at a reunion, but what is more important is how one uses that information afterwards - will it be used to compare one's achievements so far with others? - and whether one is comfortable to dilvulge such information to others in the first place.

Personally, if the reunion begins to resemble an interrogation or a cross-examination, I think it would have second thoughts about attending it as well. But then again, such reluctance also speaks volumes about yourself.

I think you have to have a clear idea of what the reunion is all about: is it about catching up and meeting old friends or is it sort of a victory parade to show and celebrate one's achievements?

I believe that one does not have to attend a reunion to achieve the latter; true and genuine achievements and accomplishments do not need to be trumpeted by the individual itself because such things are 'light' enough to 'float' and reach a huge group of people but 'heavy' enough to leave a lasting impression on the person who hears about it.

Such attempts to shamelessly proclaim such things tells more about the nature of the person rather than their accomplishments. After all, desperate people resort to desperate measures.

And I think it's a really sad if we choose not to attend such reunions just because one person is desperate to show off how much he have accomplished since the last time you met him. It's really irresponsible of us to deny our friends the pleasure and joy of seeing us again just because a single person could not resist the temptations to publicly parade himself.

As for my gathering the other day, I'm glad to say that none of us have to endure such display of ego; I think the bond between us have grown so deep and so strong that all of us view such things as shamelessly superficial and we realized that there are other more fundamental and lasting things than that. Even if one of us were to tell us of his/her accomplishments, I think most of us will be overjoyed for him/her rather than feeling uncomfortable with him/her telling it to us.

It's a funny thing but when we met the other day, it felt as if we never even said goodbye and it's hard to believe that almost a year have passed since we last see each other together. The atmosphere during the gathering was one of geniune happiness and warmth and it almost felt like the old times we had back in college.

Of course, most of us have changed - our priorities are different, our outlook on life have been elevated to a higher level, our behavior have been altered - but it seemed that there is one small part of us that still remains the same, the feeling of camaraderie between us and it was obvious that that feeling was reignited during the gathering.

And you know what? I found out that the 1st of August was Friendship Day and our gathering was held on the 31st July; how fitting indeed...

reunion gathering - part I

2005-08-02T08:22:00.000+01:00

My previous classmates at KMB (Kolej Mara Banting - IB World School) managed to meet up last Sunday at the Palm Gardens Hotel Putrajaya for hi-tea.

Despite the frequent revisions of the venue (Restoran Nelayan Titiwangsa or Palm Gardens Hotel), time (lunch or dinner) and date (3oth or 31st July, 6th or 13th August); from the endless attempts to agree upon on a single date when all of us would be available to trying to arrange transport to ferry us between KL and the hotel; the endless SMS which have to be sent to my classmates either to remind them of the plan or to notify them of any new developments in the plan.

Given the state of things, I think I might be forgiven to feel exasperated by the confused and haphazard planning which threatens to jeopardize the gathering itself; initially, I was given the task of communicating the latest details of the gathering to the rest of my classmates but eventually, I find myself trying to 'influence' the choice of venue and date of the gathering itself in hopes that situation would clear itself up (which would also reduce the need for me to send countless SMSs to my friends about the plans for the gathering in a single day).

In short, the plans for the gathering were in a total mess and it was a coup d'etat waiting to happen.

But truth be told, I cannot blame the confused state of affairs on a single person; it was not the result of an oversight of one individual. Even if it was, the others (including myself) should be aware of the impending problems and tried to bring the matter to our attention.

The fact that there is no central authority to regulate the decision-making process compounded the problems even more; all of us placed too much importance in the belief that we would be able to reach a unanimous decision on the details of the gathering.

The possibility of reaching a unanimous decision through consensus in itself is not unrealistic; however, I believe that trying to reach a unanimous decision through concensus without the regulation of a central authoritative figure is or at best, difficult to achieve.

This does not mean that one should be dictatorial in one's decision-making process - that would be courting with disaster; but it does not mean that one should absolve the entire decision-making process to the individual members of the group as well.

Like most things in life, one have to tread the fine balance between the two extremes.

adakah kita telah kehilangan nama?

2005-07-28T03:08:00.000+01:00

KEHILANGAN NAMA
Allahyarham Dato' Usman Awang

Kerana kau seorang yang tak bernama
Kau akan ditangkap
Jika politikmu lain dari yang ditentu;
Kerana kau seorang yang tak bernama
Pondokmu akan dirobohkan
Jika kau tak mengisi borang permintaan;
Kerana kau seorang yg tak bernama
Tanah yg baru diteroka akan diambil
Jika kau tak punya surat T.O.L.;
Kerana kau seorang yang tak bernama
Bahasamu harus dikorbankan
Jika tidak kau dituduh perkauman.

Siapa saja selain dari nama tak bernama
Boleh berontak boleh berteriak selantang suara
Dia akan dipujuk diusapi hati marahnya
Jika dia ada di sebuah pulau
Pulau itu akan dianugerahkan padanya;
Jika dia ada di dalam negeri
Marilah tinggal di Residency.
Jika dia ada di wilayah timur
Para pemimpin akan mengunjunginya
Membujuk dan menjanjikan tiap permintaan.

Apabila kau seorang tak bernama
Jangan kau tanyakan ladang-ladang itu siapa punya
Jangan kau tanyakan kemerdekaan dan pangkalan tentera
Jangan kau tanyakan lombong-lombong itu milik siapa
Jangan kau gusar pada bangunan-bangunan besar
Jangan kamu sebutkan nama-nama sekolah yang makmur
Dan bertanyakan apa bahasa pengantar;
Dengan pertanyaan itu kau dimurkai
Seorang perkauman yang dibenci
Oleh juara bangsamu sendiri.

Seorang yang namanya tak bernama
Tinggallah di pondok buruk itu
Jika pondok itu pusaka halal dari moyangmu;
Tanamlah padi di sawah kecil terpencil
Jika sawah itu warisan sah dari ayahmu;
Berdirilah di tangga bangunan dengan songkok dan samping
Jika kau beroleh jawatan budak suruhan;
Menorehlah di ladang-ladang besar
Bekerjalah di lombong-lombong saudagar
Jika kau mendapat kartu seorang buruh;
Hantarlah anak-anakmu ke sekolah berdekatan
Yang kita megahkan dengan nama 'kebangsaan'

Demikianlah kau telah kehilangan nama
Yang telah dikebumikan dalam seribu ucapan.

luxury or right?

2005-07-27T14:19:00.000+01:00

I read with interest Charlotte's comment on my previous post; she said:

"Capable leaders don't become politicians in malaysia. No one's ever taught us that maybe we should give back to society when we are in the position to. No, we grumble about the apathetic situation and then leave the country... for good. Leaves us with nitwits for wakil rakyats - people who want power and respect but can't earn it."

It's an obivious fact that the level of competency of most of our local politicians leaves much to be desired. But Charlotte raises a good point when she said that most of the people who are capable leaders do not become politicians in Malaysia.

Therefore, the pressing question now is where do these people go to? If they left the country, why? Is there any way to woo them back?

I think the prime reason which causes capable and talented Malaysians to leave the country in droves is the uneven playing field in our country; as if the Malaysian political, economic and social system is not saturated enough with the affirmative actions inherently enshrined in the Constitution to help the Bumiputras, it is also plagued by rampant corruption and nepotism (which now goes by the euphemism of 'money politics') which indirectly causes it to reek with bueracratic hassles and widespread inefficiencies.

Malaysians have to live with the mind-boggling reality that even by working hard, dilligenty and honestly, being adaptable, humble and resourceful, success and opportunities will not necessarily come one's way. The sense of equal opportunities are sorely lacking in Malaysia.

Openness, transparency and integrity are alien notions in Malaysia and among Malaysian politicians; the mere mention of these words are frowned upon and the words themselves are a taboo among Malaysians.

I think in Malaysia, transparency, accountability and integrity are not viewed as a right but rather as a luxury; something that are accorded to the public when conditions are favourable, only when its purpose paralles those of the politicians.

Ideally, transparency, accountability and integrity begets prosperity; but in Malaysia, we are taught that only with prosperity, transparency, accountability and integrity could be gained.

UPDATE! An excellent and illuminating quote from Yuen Ai: "And I guess some people are leaving, because they dont think they have the time to wait for Malaysia to catch up with them."

great expectations?

2005-07-26T02:45:00.000+01:00

One could not help but to notice that the political climate in Malaysia have been a lot warmer than usual for the past few weeks which mainly manifested itself in our politicians exploring their full range of human emotions; there's denial, scorn, resentment, anger, regret and dissapoinment.

The only other place where Malaysians could be treated to such a bizzare confluence of conflicting emotions is in the reality TV show Malaysian Idol or Akademi Fantasia.

Indeed, I find Malaysian politicians to be a queer bunch; their behavior sometimes does not reflect the qualities one normally expects from a leader.

I believe a partial reason for this - and this is my personal view - is that our politicians are unable to fully grasp the expectations which the public have in them. They are unclear about the kind of tasks, the nature of challenges, the amount of workload and the necessary skills which their post entails.

Granted, one does not expect a politician to be extremely well-versed in all of these things before taking the post; a politician also needs to have the willingness to learn and listen, not afraid to make mistakes in order to better themselves besides being able to humbly admit their mistakes.

Therefore, a politician should have both the prerequisite knowledge and skills to begin with and at the same time, must be willing to learn and acquire new ones. Ideally, these two traits are not mutually exclusive. Ideally that is.

When a politician have a clear idea of the things that are expected from them when they take up a certain post, they would at least think twice before complaining of not having enough time, of having too much work to do, of having too little salary to go around, of not being able to lead a normal life far from the prying eyes of the media. They will be a little less hesitant to react irrationally when scrutinized by the public, lashed out at their critics or to make seemingly absent minded comments.

They will put less importance of superficial, cosmetic, short-term and adhoc measures and gains and more on substantial, wholesome and long term measures and gains. They will think less of their own political survival and more on the well-being of the people they are elected to serve.

Politicians will realize that the public are their real masters - not vice versa - and that they are accountable for their every actions.

And even though I used the word 'politicians', I believe that similar arguments applies to leaders or all kinds as well, be it from a leader of a student body to a president running a country.

I always believed that the tasks of a leader are two-fold: first, they must ensure the smooth running of the organization they are leading and second, they must seek to improve and develop the organization itself.

Some people will focus more on the latter rather than the former; they think that the latter will guarantee the creation of their own legacy or imprint their mark on the history of that organization. But I think the former is no less effective in doing that.

It is when they tried too hard to accomplish the latter that they will go to great lengths to gain attention when ideally one should let one's success and achievements speaks for itself; besides, the legacy of good and great leader would naturally outlive the term of the leader in office.

It is precisely when that fails that they start to bear their whole soul to the public, resulting in the desperate, excessive and ugly display of emotions.

looking through the eyes of....

2005-07-22T18:38:00.000+01:00

"Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don't care what it's founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart."

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today, I had the strongest feeling that I have been taking my life too seriously lately - lately as in the past few months.

I know that many of friends have pointed out this fact to me countless times before - either out of pure concern or sheer frusfration - but it felt different when you are 'induced' into uttering such statements on your own.

When someone tells you things like that, you have the liberty of calling it a malicious comment and that label will put some distance between you and the comment, which makes you feel less guilty if you were to ignore it. But when you somehow manage to bring yourself to say those things, the comment seemed to strike a chord with you and you are forced to consider the possibility that it could be true.

I felt that I have given too much importance to reason and rational thought in making the choices in my life, to the extent that my appreciation for the value of sentimentality in a decision-making process have been reduced tremendously.

I begin to perceive emotional consideration as unstable element in my decision-making process, a liability which threatens to mislead and cloud my judgements. I scorned it and tried my best to supress it while at the same time, increasing my steadfast reliance to reason and rational thought to make any decisions.

Granted, this has given me a sense of certainty and security as I go about my daily life; at times, I felt that I am able to foretell where my decisions will lead me in the near future. There is a sense of order and uniformity to my life and the things I do.

But I think this cannot go on - I cannot go on believing that reason alone is sufficient to enable you to make the best choice for the challenges in life does not always present itself with a clear cut distinction between what is right or wrong.

Life manifests itself in many kinds of colours, not only in black and white. Seeing life through the eyes of reason alone only enables you to see the world in black and white; however, seeing life through the eyes of emotions allows you to fully appreciate the full range of colours life offers. Why should I be content seeing only the black and white when I could enjoy a more colorful view?

Having a sense of order and uniformity might seemed like a welcome reprieve in this uncertain world, but it does not necessarily translates into happiness and contentment.

UPDATE! I wanted to add this quotation I culled from the June edition of the National Geographic Magazine:

"A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections - a mere heart of stone," Charles Darwin once wrote. Most of us aren't quite so rigorous. We harbor wishes and affections of our own."

hbp: my two cents worth...

2005-07-20T08:09:00.000+01:00

I've read many reviews from newspapers, magazines and my friend's blogs about the latest Harry Potter book; allow me to comment on some of the recurring points I noticed in most of these reviews.

Some reviewers mentioned that Half-Blood Prince (HBP) lacks the magical feeling present in the previous installments and some parts of the book feel a little old. I am not exactly certain what they mean by the word 'old' but I must admit that we didn't get to see many new magical devices or spells, no new insights into the workings of the Wizarding world in this book; in fact, most of the magical devices and spells featured in this book have been introduced and properly explained in the previous books i.e. Weasly's magical clock, the pensieve, the polyjuice potion etc.

I think it would be unrealistic to expecting Rowling to keep introducing new magical devices or spells indefinitely until the very last book. One must bear in mind that this is the penultimate book in the series; at some point she has to stop focusing on introducing new magical devices or spells, and actually starts incorporating these magical elements into the plot itself. In short, the exposition of the Wizarding world with all its intricacies need to stop being the main priority and instead, more focus should be given on allowing these magical elements to play a role in the story i.e. the pensieve as a clever plot device to reveal Voldermort's past, the Weasly's magical clock as a manifestation of the uncertain and troubling times they are currently in. However, even in this book, she never failed in tantalizing and delighting the readers by offering them brief glimpses of the deep workings of the Wizarding world i.e. the horcruxes, Felix Felicitis.

Another theme which takes center stage in this book is love, specifically the different layers love works; from the typical playful, jealous-driven, teen love - which most of the main characters seemed to succumb to - to the intense, powerful and sacrificial love which managed to keep Harry safe and live, Rowling managed to have a healthful interplay between these two extremes while ensuring each retains its own distinctiveness; we scorn and sighed at the rocky relationships between the teenage characters and yet we are touched by the love and respect shown by Lily and Dumbledore to Harry.

Indeed, Yuen Ai suggested that it is this particular treatment of love in the books which gives the whole series its childhood innocence, to which some people might be tempted to call them naive; I felt that it gives the notion of love more dimension. But then again, I personally feels that it goes to show that love is what one chooses to make of it.

A few of my friends (and even my dad) said that they feel that this book is incomplete, or rather the story feels incomplete. I think in this particular book - more than the previous books - Rowling managed to provide the readers with so many answers - some are explicitly pointed out and some requires a little more thought into them - and I think some of the readers are not used to getting so much answers in a single book (I know that I need some time to get used to it; but I'm not complaining).

What is undeniable though is her ability to weave and bring all the seemingly disparate elements together from her previous books; I think that there lies her genius as a writer.

Rowling is also a genius when it comes to character development; they are so visually and vividly described till we are taken to believe that the characters are made out of flesh and blood. We are inclined to symphatize with them, reprimand them when they did something foolish or reckless, cheered and laughed with them at the hilarity of their situation. I think being able to induce such emotional responses from the readers is not an easy feat to accomplish, even among good writers.

In short, I felt that this book is one of the better books in the series; she cleverly managed to wrongfoot us once again and her talents at foreshadowing are obvious once again in this new book.

Granted, some of us might feel a bit disturbed and dissatisfied that she spent so much time setting up for the next book so much so that this new books feels more like an extension of the final book and does not seemed able to stand on its own.

However, taken on its own, I believe that this book perfectly sets the tone for the final down; she has opened up so many possibilities for the ending, even more than we would like to imagine before. This new book has no doubt left us eagerly anticipating for the final book while at the same time still gives us the freedom to continue speculating and theorizing how the series will eventually end.

Now where can I pre-order book 7?

of being wise and isolation...

2005-07-19T17:32:00.000+01:00

I thought I post this excerpt from an interview with J.K. Rowling with The Leaky Cauldron and Mugglenet on the day the 6th book was released; it contains a very interesting and insightful take on Dumbledore's attitude - which I personally agreed with.

ES: I know Dumbledore likes to see the good in people but he seems trusting almost to the point of recklessness sometimes.

[Laughter] Yes, I would agree. I would agree.

ES: How can someone so -

JKR: Intelligent -

ES: be so blind with regard to certain things?

JKR: Well, there is information on that to come, in seven. But I would say that I think it has been demonstrated, particularly in books five and six that immense brainpower does not protect you from emotional mistakes and I think Dumbledore really exemplifies that. In fact, I would tend to think that being very, very intelligent might create some problems and it has done for Dumbledore, because his wisdom has isolated him, and I think you can see that in the books, because where is his equal, where is his confidante, where is his partner? He has none of those things. He’s always the one who gives, he’s always the one who has the insight and has the knowledge. So I think that, while I ask the reader to accept that McGonagall is a very worthy second in command, she is not an equal. You have a slightly circuitous answer, but I can't get much closer than that.

ES: No, that was a good answer.

MA: It's interesting about Dumbledore being lonely.

JKR: I see him as isolated, and a few people have said to me rightly I think, that he is detached. My sister said to me in a moment of frustration, it was when Hagrid was shut up in his house after Rita Skeeter had published that he was a half-breed, and my sister said to me, “Why didn't Dumbledore go down earlier, why didn't Dumbledore go down earlier?” I said he really had to let Hagrid stew for a while and see if he was going to come out of this on his own because if he had come out on his own he really would have been better. "Well he's too detached, he's too cold, it's like you,” she said!" [Laughter] By which she meant that where she would immediately rush in and I would maybe stand back a little bit and say, “Let's wait and see if he can work this out.” I wouldn't leave him a week. I'd leave him maybe an afternoon. But she would chase him into the hut.

friendship 101

2005-07-18T13:44:00.000+01:00

Do we have any right to 'evaluate' our friends?

I am rather uncomfortable at the way the question is phrased; 'evaluate' is such a punishing word.

I think all of us are entitled to our own thoughts about our friends. The important thing is what we do with such information floating in our heads; do we hide them indefinitely or do we kindly share our thoughts with the person in question?

It is true that a friendship requires a healthful amount of restraint and modesty, but when this modesty begins to infringe on the truth, I believe that honesty is always preferable to modesty - as the truth is always preferable to lies.

But some people - for some unknown reason - do not share this view.

I mean, isn't it more sincere to tell your friends your true views about him rather than glossing the truth just to keep him happy? Do you think he will be happy when he finds out that we have been hiding the truth from him all this time?

Expecting someone to always sing praises about you and at the same time, hide the bad things he felt about you from your knowledge does not sound like it will make a long and lasting friendship to me.

In fact, it sounds like a very primaeval notion of friendship, lacking sincerity and honesty.

In the end, it all boils down to how one respond to criticisms from others; I believe that when someone criticizes you, how you respond to the criticism is more indicative of your personality and attitude rather than the actual content of the criticism itself.