critic vs. friend

Certain turn of events in the past few days have forced me to re-evaluate the surrounding circumstances of being a friend and a critic.

When you criticized someone, does that mean that you are no longer that person's friend? Obviously the proposition contained in this question is terribly absurd for it logically follows that if the answer is yes, it means that when we befriend someone, we could not and should not criticize at all.

After all, a true friendship emerged stronger if it survives the criticism rather than quickly falling apart right?

But I am not talking about those kinds of simplistic circumstances; I am referring to the cordialities and courtesies one should always exhibit and offer to one's friends - should one do away with it completely when one criticizes one's friend? Will turning off one's politeness makes the criticism more stinging, more piercing, more effective?

I believe that sometimes in my zeal to criticize and comment, I may have forgotten that the person I am commenting is a friend of mine - someone whom I had the honour and pleasure of knowing.

It's a funny thing but sometimes when you criticizes a friend, all your past experiences with him, all the memories and the strong bond of friendships forged seemed to be conveniently thrown out the window the instant you utter your first remark.

In the short term, you may feel a sense of satisfaction or even vindication of being able to convey your criticisms and comments to your friend. But once that feeling disappears, a sense of regret may take over and you wished that you could have been a little more tactful and understanding.

I believe that this is exactly what has occupied my mind for the past few days; in my haste to ensure my suggestions are effectively conveyed across, I may have forgotten my manners.

I mean, I'm not one of the judges of Malaysian Idol who is at the liberty at firing blunt and direct criticisms to complete strangers without any remorse. Rather, I am commenting and criticizing a friend; therefore, I felt that the rules, manners and cordialities one usually expects in a friendship still apply in such situations.

The bottom line is that being a friend and being a critic are not mutually exclusive of each other; you can still be good at one of the roles without abandoning too much of the ideals of its counterpart.

I am not saying that I regretted saying the things I've said but I just think that I should be a bit more gentler and polite next time in the diction of my comments.

Indeed, we should do well to remember that the slow, gentle drip of water is just as effective and powerful as the forceful poundings of the waves in changing the shapes of rocks.