pre-exams thoughts.... and a silent plea....
I think it's not a good sign when you start losing track of the days of the week, especially when you are in the midst of preparing for your exams.
I must admit that these past few days had been rather nerve-wrecking for me; the kind of days when everything does not seemed to go as you planned, days when everything went wrong.
My revisions are going at a steady pace but I'm worried whether I am going fast enough. Then, I would begin to panic and would eventually lose my ability to concentrate, making it impossible for me to continue with my revision.
And sometimes I worry that I might not be able to remember all the facts and formulas in my notes; again, panic sets in and thus, rendering me incapable of continuing with my revision.
I guess it is normal for one to feel such way near the exams, but the crux of the matter is that I never faced such 'crisis of confidence' during any of the exams I took previously; and it's quite unsettling for me to feel it now. I am not trying to blow my own trumpet here, but I always managed to cover all the 'grounds' adequately before any exams; at least adequate enough that I
knew what the question is all about, confident with my answers and able to articulate the facts to my friends without any doubts.
But now, I do not feel so confident now. But then again, perhaps the situation is not as bleak as I imagined it to be; one does tend to lose one's sense of perspective when one is under immense amount of stress and pressure.
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite telling other people that electromagnetism is fun, quantum physics is exciting, proudly announcing to other people of the joys and beauty of physics, when sometimes, I do get frusfrated and perplexed with the bewildering complexity of electromagnetism, inherent weirdness of quantum physics and the unshakable rigidity of mathematical reasoning myself as well. At times, I feel that it is just too much to bear...
But then again, it's funny to think how one losses one's appreciation for the aesthetics in times of great stress and calamities...
Whatever the situation I might be in, I always tell myself that God would not have put me in a situation which I could not cope or put forward a challenge to me which I could not overcome. This statement has kept me going through many difficult situations before and I pray that it will get me through this one as well.
On the other hand, I must admit that it would be comforting if I could share my insecurities with someone. Not that there is no one around that I am close enough to share my insecurities and weaknesses with, it's just that I'm scared at what their responses might be; would they think less of me? Would they lose faith and confidence in me?
Or... would I dissapoint them by revealling to them that I do not know what they think I should know? Then, not only I will have a crisis of confidence with myself, I would also face a crisis of confidence of other people towards me...
I guess my fear to what other people would say or do when I share my insecurities with them has prevented me from telling anyone about it. At the end of the day, I would have to be content with keeping it all to myself....
I must admit that these past few days had been rather nerve-wrecking for me; the kind of days when everything does not seemed to go as you planned, days when everything went wrong.
My revisions are going at a steady pace but I'm worried whether I am going fast enough. Then, I would begin to panic and would eventually lose my ability to concentrate, making it impossible for me to continue with my revision.
And sometimes I worry that I might not be able to remember all the facts and formulas in my notes; again, panic sets in and thus, rendering me incapable of continuing with my revision.
I guess it is normal for one to feel such way near the exams, but the crux of the matter is that I never faced such 'crisis of confidence' during any of the exams I took previously; and it's quite unsettling for me to feel it now. I am not trying to blow my own trumpet here, but I always managed to cover all the 'grounds' adequately before any exams; at least adequate enough that I
knew what the question is all about, confident with my answers and able to articulate the facts to my friends without any doubts.
But now, I do not feel so confident now. But then again, perhaps the situation is not as bleak as I imagined it to be; one does tend to lose one's sense of perspective when one is under immense amount of stress and pressure.
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite telling other people that electromagnetism is fun, quantum physics is exciting, proudly announcing to other people of the joys and beauty of physics, when sometimes, I do get frusfrated and perplexed with the bewildering complexity of electromagnetism, inherent weirdness of quantum physics and the unshakable rigidity of mathematical reasoning myself as well. At times, I feel that it is just too much to bear...
But then again, it's funny to think how one losses one's appreciation for the aesthetics in times of great stress and calamities...
Whatever the situation I might be in, I always tell myself that God would not have put me in a situation which I could not cope or put forward a challenge to me which I could not overcome. This statement has kept me going through many difficult situations before and I pray that it will get me through this one as well.
On the other hand, I must admit that it would be comforting if I could share my insecurities with someone. Not that there is no one around that I am close enough to share my insecurities and weaknesses with, it's just that I'm scared at what their responses might be; would they think less of me? Would they lose faith and confidence in me?
Or... would I dissapoint them by revealling to them that I do not know what they think I should know? Then, not only I will have a crisis of confidence with myself, I would also face a crisis of confidence of other people towards me...
I guess my fear to what other people would say or do when I share my insecurities with them has prevented me from telling anyone about it. At the end of the day, I would have to be content with keeping it all to myself....
posted by wanaimran at
11:13 PM
7 Comments:
wahahaha welcome to uni life man... especially at imperial. crisis of confidence say you? well it happens/ is happening. lots of ppl including me are experiencing the first time realisation of failure
i think for me, it was a feeling of despair mixed with regrets....
regretting cos i felt that i could have done more, work harder, push myself further...
well, life is a series of mistakes, and with it comes opportunity to learn and improve oneself...
gambateh!
"regretting cos i felt that i could have done more, work harder, push myself further..."
more... and more... and more... so, what is the ultimate end? can we really achieve the ideals imposed on ourselves by ourselves?
why not:
"I've done what I'm suppose to be doing, I did it the way I believe it is suppose to be done, therefore, there are no good or bad results, there are only outcames. And I'll accept whatever outcomes as the correct and good ones for me."
i guess the difference lies between 'setting' your goals and 'imposing' your goals upon yourself...
oh, dun worry about being a hypocrite when u tell ppl physics is fun...unless u dun mean it at all...i mean, these couple of days i've just been thinking about biochem pathways and smiling to myself...i admit that i'm going bonkers...yea...well...umm...depends on what u appreciate lar...(c'mon...i found cells very cute and this happens to disturb my coursemates...oh well)
that, i think is the difference between ppl doing pure science and applied science...sometimes, u just forget to stop and appreciate when u're doing an applied sci when there's just too much to cope with?
if u can't understand it, it'll just take a bit more time...after all, it took many others much longer to hypothesize, experiment, and of course, appreciate it...appreciate the complexities of the world, the intricacies that only He can think of and create in this universe which we call our home, our shelter and...(umm...i'm gonna start going into bio terms...better keep it at that)
yea well, and i hate exams as well...its a mere formality that we just have to cope with...i'm being rather random...sorry abt it...blek
yeah.. and in the end, the ultimate goal in life is not scoring the maximum marks in exams right?
if we feel we haven't done enough, then do more next time.. but it makes me think.. how much more is enough? does it have to go on and on ad infinitum?
to me, setting and imposing goals are just some rough guidelines to give us some sense of clarity on a particular direction we are heading to... just a rough guideline.. i may or may not arrive at at.. and it doesn't really matter..
what matters is that we have followed correctly the guidelines that we have decided to impose on ourselves, and thats it.. it has served its purpose..
"what matters is that we have followed correctly the guidelines that we have decided to impose on ourselves, and thats it.. it has served its purpose.."
that's a very good way of putting it ikhwan.... thanks
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