so long and thanks for the memories...

I expect that this will be my very last post before I leave for Malaysia, or rather more nostalgaically, my last post from London.

I could still recall my first few attempts in finding my way to the big Sainsbury along Cromwell Road; the time when the name 'Sainsbury' is still very much alien to me; my first grocery shopping...

I could remember my first day in my department; the first time meeting Ben and Justin; the blank and cautious looks on our faces; my first chance encounter with Jia Hong....

I could still remember the long nightly walks I used to take from Evelyn to Linstead after having dinner at Colin's place, come winter or spring...

I could remember my naive fervour and zealousness of taking the tube whenever I need to go anywhere in London; the number of times I would travel across London to get to Petticoat Lane...

I could also recall the fleeting feeling of detachment and loneliness which sometimes haunt me especially because I stayed away from those who I am familiar with; the uneasy sense of longing which ocassionally troubled me...

I could also remember the conflicts, disagreements - both obvious and not-so-obvious ones - I had with some of my friends for having to sticking to my principles or at times maybe just due to pure stubborness ; the difficult choices I have to make, of the missed opportunities and recurring regrets...

I could remember my trip to Cambridge; how it felt to be there, the feeling that history truly saturates the place...

I could still remember my first encounter with the ambitious project called 'Malaysian Night', the first joget practice I attended; how I managed to get entangled with it eventually; the experiences and sweet memories gathered, new friendships forged and the painful sense of emptiness which lingers long after the show is over...

I could still remember the long hours I spent slogging and mugging in the library; those daily revisions - albeit rather dull and monotonous - accompanied by Jia Hong and Song; how we would eat lunch and dinner together; the things we talked about, from pure nonsense to deep reflective discourses...

I could recall the sense of exhilaration I get whenever I go through my notes immediately after the lectures at the end of the day; the geniune sense of joy and satisfaction that comes from knowing that you are giving your very best effort...

As I look back at my first year at Imperial, it never failed to amaze me the number of things that could happen within the span of one year; the changes one would go through and the things one gain, be it tangible or intangible...

Then I asked myself: have I gained something that could uniquely be found only in the UK? Are the changes I have embraced worthy of my sponsorship to study here at Imperial? Have I really realized my potential to its fullest, pushed the limits to the maximum? Have I accomplished everything which I initially set out to do in my first year at Imperial?

I think it is all too easy to reduce one's accomplishments to a series of worldly and rather superifical achievements; but I believe that there are other ways of measuring one's accomplishments - new friendships one makes, new insights one have into others - and most importantly, the profound realizations we obtain as we learn to get to know ourselves better...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is convenient to 'project' our accomplishments to something external in nature - the impacts we have on others, the imprints we leave on their lives, the achievements recorded black and white on a piece of paper.

But maybe we also need to 'project' our accomplishments inwards, to something internal, to something within us - whether we have been able to better ourselves given the circumstances around us, whether we could proudly say that we had given our best in every endavour, whether we are at a better position compared to when we first arrived here.

Sometimes, we are more inclined to do the former compared to the latter, and immediately be contented with it. We prefer to ponder at the external and ignore the internal, and that would be a sufficient criteria for us to be satisfied.

But one must remember that such sense of satisfaction rings hollow, reeks with superficiality and inherently transient in nature; besides, those who seeks to know thyself and eventually manage to control oneself, I think he has attain the ultimate power.

Therefore, as I reflect back on my first year in London, I thank God for giving me the courage to pursue the latter path without carelessly abandoning the former; I could not ask for anything more precious than that.

Ah well.... tempus fugit; cheers everyone...