looking through the eyes of....

"Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don't care what it's founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart."

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today, I had the strongest feeling that I have been taking my life too seriously lately - lately as in the past few months.

I know that many of friends have pointed out this fact to me countless times before - either out of pure concern or sheer frusfration - but it felt different when you are 'induced' into uttering such statements on your own.

When someone tells you things like that, you have the liberty of calling it a malicious comment and that label will put some distance between you and the comment, which makes you feel less guilty if you were to ignore it. But when you somehow manage to bring yourself to say those things, the comment seemed to strike a chord with you and you are forced to consider the possibility that it could be true.

I felt that I have given too much importance to reason and rational thought in making the choices in my life, to the extent that my appreciation for the value of sentimentality in a decision-making process have been reduced tremendously.

I begin to perceive emotional consideration as unstable element in my decision-making process, a liability which threatens to mislead and cloud my judgements. I scorned it and tried my best to supress it while at the same time, increasing my steadfast reliance to reason and rational thought to make any decisions.

Granted, this has given me a sense of certainty and security as I go about my daily life; at times, I felt that I am able to foretell where my decisions will lead me in the near future. There is a sense of order and uniformity to my life and the things I do.

But I think this cannot go on - I cannot go on believing that reason alone is sufficient to enable you to make the best choice for the challenges in life does not always present itself with a clear cut distinction between what is right or wrong.

Life manifests itself in many kinds of colours, not only in black and white. Seeing life through the eyes of reason alone only enables you to see the world in black and white; however, seeing life through the eyes of emotions allows you to fully appreciate the full range of colours life offers. Why should I be content seeing only the black and white when I could enjoy a more colorful view?

Having a sense of order and uniformity might seemed like a welcome reprieve in this uncertain world, but it does not necessarily translates into happiness and contentment.


UPDATE! I wanted to add this quotation I culled from the June edition of the National Geographic Magazine:

"A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections - a mere heart of stone," Charles Darwin once wrote. Most of us aren't quite so rigorous. We harbor wishes and affections of our own."