Thursday, June 29, 2006

down the path i go

So I'm finally back in Malaysia but somehow I do not feel at home. Or rather the warm, homely feeling that greets me when I returned last summer did not feel as strong, as obvious, as pervasive.

My father and brother were waiting at the airport to receive me this afternoon. And as grateful and elated I am to be able to see both of them again, something did not feel right about the entire picture.

I think that it is only a testament to how much have changed since I left for London last autumn; my sister is went off to college today to do the IB program while my mother is currently in Langkawi attending an important meeting.

I think I never really fully prepared to the fact that I will not be meeting my mother and sister at the airport this afternoon; I was told beforehand that they were not going to be there but I guess I never really fully immerse myself in that realization.

I suppose conveying facts over the phone does little, if at all, to prepare you to face the real thing - especially if you are geographically separated by 12,000 km.

I admit that I was a little disturbed and unnerved by my mother's and sister's absence. It is like one of those first impression things - you need to get it right at the very beginning or forever you will be damned.

Not that I do not appreciate my father's and brother's presence at the airport - I really, truly and deeply do.

But there is that nagging feeling at the back of my mind reminding me that there is some form of incompleteness to this scenario.

And as selfish as this may sound, I wondered whether I could have spared myself the anxiety if I had choose not to come back for the summer at all.

But then again, maybe it is too early to tell. Perhaps something wonderful, something great and most importantly, something familiar with happen soon.

Something to jog those vague memories of old.

I suppose that is the feeling of my homecoming this time around - rushed and unfamiliar.

With the plans for my internship at UKM still floating in mid-air and the anticipation that certain things will have to change, I would be lying to myself if I were to say that I am not apprehensive at all about it.

The uncertainty of it all is simply depressing - especially when you cannot see too far ahead down the road.

But then again, perhaps that is precisely what makes it worth traveling in the first place.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

a warning one must not ignore

And so it goes on - Mahathir last week renewed his critical remarks and scathing attacks on the current administration headed by Pak Lah, responding to the 'answers' given by the members of Pak Lah administration towards Mahathir's earlier queries.

In this latest round, Mahathir's attacks reached new stratospheric heights when he implied that someone else - a 'brilliant Oxford graduate' - is controlling crucial government decisions from behind the scenes.

Ardent followers of Malaysian politics have no doubt exactly who he is referring to.

I do not know to what extent that statement is true but I think one thing that this entire episode between Pak Lah and Mahathir had clearly revealed to us all is that there are a lot of behind-the-scenes, shady and unspoken dealings within the Malaysian government.

I think more than anything else, it gave the public a glimpse of the discreet discussions and underhanded political maneuvering that took place at all levels of the government; it shows us the tussle of power being fought between the different blocs and interest groups in the government.

Granted, such things may exist in almost every government in the world; I always have the impression that there is an 'invisible hand' pulling the strings and nudging the government in certain directions.

I felt that being Malaysians, we are always quick to pre-suppose that there is often an underlying reason, a hidden machinery at work which moves the gears of the government rather than take the official versions given by the government at face value.

For instance, in the case of the half-bridge in Johor, we much prefer to believe that the decision to build the half-bridge in the first place was because a select few individuals in or related closely to the government would benefit financially from it rather than see the project as benefiting the entire nation.

Similarly, when the half-bridge project was discarded, we are more inclined to look beyond the official explanations provided by the government and instead, tried to search for a far more sensational and more realistic - at least to us - reason.

I am not saying that it is entirely fanciful or wasteful to do that because at times, such degree of probing could disclose several important matters behind certain actions taken by the government, hence giving greater insight into the governmental machinery.

But one must not get too carried away with it as well; if we are inclined to look under every rock and stone for answers rather than taking the rock and stone at face value, we may find ourselves in a position where it is exceedingly difficult for us to separate the truth from fiction.

I guess there is a fine line between being insightful and being delusional; once the line separating the two is crossed, there is a danger of our prophesizing to become self-fulfilling.

And in the running of a government, such situations bids trouble and disaster to its well-being.

Of course, the quality of the decisions made by the government is as good as the quality of the information it receives from the public. The government cannot be expected to act in a just manner if those responsible for providing continual feedback on the latest development in the country sugarcoat their reports and statistics.

Hence, the role of an unbiased, honest and critical media is important in the smooth-running of the delivery system of a government; just as significant as the role played by a credible and strong opposition and a trustworthy and selfless circle of advisors.

If the media fail to realize the importance of their role in the hierachy of the society, they are in danger of leading the society astray because they have the power to shape and fuel the opinions of the general public.

The media should see itself as an independent entity from those in power and act in a manner fitting for those in such position, rather than allow themselves to be a pawn in this sly political game of chess.

The media coverage of the on-going battle between Pak Lah and Mahathir reflects how the local media have failed in this respect.

By skewing their reports towards one party and posturing their editorials into a defensive position, they only manage to highlight how lame and weak one of the party is compared to the other.

In this case, I guess there is something as too much of a good thing.

Much worse than that is such actions by the media to spoonfeed the masses with shameless one-sided propaganda leaves the public incapable of effectively evaluating the current situation on their own.

I believe the danger of this is that eventually the public - who has suffered total media blackout on such issues or if they are fortunate, to be fed constantly with convoluted spin on such issues - will loose sight of what is at stake for themselves and the country if such confrontations continue unabated.

After all, if you are too occupied with the things going on directly in front of you, you would not have much time to look far down the tracks, to see down the road and where that road would eventually take us.

Because at the end of the day, the battle is not so much a conflict between two diammetrically opposite personalities but also a battle for the future of the country and its people.

It is a shame if the grudges and differences between two individuals threaten to plunge the country into the abyss.

But then again, bigger and stronger empires of the past have fallen due to similarly trivial fracas involving individuals of lesser significance.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 3]

PART 3: The Best Foot Forward

I believe the best course of action for Pak Lah at the moment is to deliver promptly the promises he made when took over the mantle of leadership nearly 2 years ago.

Unfortunately for him, he has suffered several serious setbacks in his promises for reform and the feeling of discontent is no longer limited to the middle classes but has also been felt by the lower classes as well.

The middle classes may be largely responsible to push for the creation of the IPCMC - the rejuvenation of the police force free from the scruples of corruption and malaise of disrespect towards basic human rights.

They may also have called for the creation of a wider platform to openly and respectfully discuss what used to be deemed 'sensitive' but now urgent and relevant issues of race, religion, equality and Malaysian identity, without which we risk to be awash in the tidal waves of globalization.

The lower classes have also starting to feel the pinch with the rise in petrol prices, taxes and electricity tarriffs. The first thing to cross their mind may not be the fine line dividing the jurisdiction of Syariah and civil laws or the proper code of conduct for the police force but that's because the realities of their lives are totally different altogether.

And they cannot be faulted for that.

But the issues of petrol prices and electricity tarrifs do affect them - and it often hits them the hardest - and it won't be long before their simmering discontent turn into outward anger.

And when that happens, Pak Lah will have a real trouble in his hands.

I think what most Malaysians find truly worrying about the current spat between Mahathir and Pak Lah is the repercussions it will bring to the stability of the country - politically, socially and economically.

Truth be told, Malaysians are not used to see the political pendulum of the Government swinging back and forth so violently, so rapidly, so eratically.

Most of us - or the current generation at least - have never lived through any political crisis in our lives, so we are unsure of what to anticipate from the current clash being displayed to us now.

I believe to the products of the older generations - our parents or grandparents - these recent events are relatively tame when compared to the what happened in the transitions between the previous Prime Ministers and to other political in-fightings that occured in their midst.

Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that the outcome of the current clash between Mahathir and Pak Lah is going to be determined just as much by the political manoeuvres at the highest levels and also by the perceptions, opinions and judgements of the people of this country.

I think the very thing that bugs me most about this fiasco between Mahathir and Pak Lah is that the people involved in it tend to think that it is an internal political party issue and therefore should be kept out of the public eyes.

It is not.

It is not simply a matter of a trivial succession issue for the post of the Prime Minister in Malaysia is not hereditary but is a creature of the law and it being the creature of the law is accountable to it.

It is not simply an internal UMNO issue because the issues involves are national issues and the party which runs the country is not solely UMNO but a collection of parties under the banner of Barisan Nasional.

It is not simply an issue of Mahathir's legacy and the need to protect it because the deeds of good men does not require any defending.

It is not simply an issue of reciprocity or gratefulness of the latter to the former because the real masters in the country are not the politicians but the its people.

I am certain that several politicians will continue to follow the developments of this confrontation between Mahathir and Pak Lah in the next few weeks and will readily offer their opinions, views and advice.

But I guess it is difficult to distinguish between the opinions of those who have a stake in the matter and those who have nothing to gain or lose in speaking up.

I believe Pak Lah will confront the issue in good time and in ways befitting his character and personality, be it through explanations provided by his cabinet ministers or by maintaining his 'elegant silence.'

But I truly believe that his best defence is action. Firm and sustained action.

The ambiguity of silence does not to dispel the feelings of uncertainty and apprehension among Malaysians of how this drama will eventually turn out in the end for the respect which that silence commands at the beginning may soon turn into doubt.

The way I see it, let Mahathir asks the questions and let Pak Lah provides the solutions.

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 2]

PART 2: It's Just A Facade

I believe that Mahathir have every right as a citizen of the country to voice his misgivings about certain unfavourable (and unfortunate) turn of events in the country's administration. I also believe that Pak Lah was right in letting Mahathir do so without any restraint.

But I do not believe that Mahathir should be given the widest berth of free speech simply because he is the former Prime Minister or simply as a sign of reciprocity by the current Government towards the elderly stateman.

I think it is disturbing for some people to think that Mahathir should be listened to just because he was once at the top or to show a degree of gratefulness to what he's done for the country.

I think he should be listened - yes - simply because that is his fundamental right as a citizen of this country. Nothing more than that.

In fact, why should the voice of a single person - regardless of the political office he held before - be greater than the combined voices of nearly 20 million other Malaysians?

Aren't the rest of us worth listening to as well? Will the Government stand up and take notice only when someone of eminent rank speak up - and one with palpable sarcasm too?

The Government feels that it is wise to answer Mahathir's questions; I believe it is too. But in the meantime, maybe they should do well to re-examine the reason for doing so too.

After all, one disgruntled voice is easy to answer to, but 20 million disgruntled voices could easily jeopardize one's political shelf life.

One pertinent point that Mahathir made concerns his ex-Cabinet members; since Pak Lah maintained that all of the government's decisions were made collectively - including to scrap the half bridge project - he wondered how could so many ministers made a full U-turn in their stand barely 2 years after they consented to it while he was in power.

He further argued that if the ministers disagree with the half-bridge proposal, then they should have voiced their concerns and ultimately resign their from their posts as a matter of principle.

But then again, this being the Malaysian cabinet and having perfected the art of 'closing one eye' to certain uncomfortable disclosures, it is hardly unexpected to see the ministers to act in such a wishy-washy manner, even if it pertains the well-being of the country and millions of taxpayers money.

One might argue that since Mahathir's time, new information have come to light and thus their decisions have been forced to change or 'adapt' accordingly to the new circumstances. Fair enough.

But don't tell me that all of them could not have foreseen trouble looming ahead if they decided to steamroll this proposal through without due consideration. Are they so afraid of Mahathir's wrath to disagree with him? Is Mahathir so deluded to think that he could not bear to listen to any opposing views towards his decisions?

I think that crux of the matter here is not 'collective responsibility of the cabinet', 'chance re-evaluation of the pros and cons of the matter' or 'unwavering loyalty to the Prime Minister'.

I believe the prime reason for such flip-flop attitude of the ministers towards the half-bridge issue is plain selfishness on their behalf.

The currencies they deal with are not 'personal principles', 'well-being of the people' or 'protecting the country's interests'; they only recognize the means which only serves to prolong their political careers and preserve their political sway upon the people.

In short, they will support any proposals, ideas or opinions that will ensure their political survivability, even if it means going against their own wills and intentions.

Some of them even go as far as to claim Mahathir as being irrelevant, or that Mahathir should stop speaking out or that his time has passed; the very same people who under Mahathir, heaped endless praises and idolation unto him.

Are they doing it to douse the fire of conflict that is threatening to consume them or are they trying to prove their worth in Pak Lah's eyes? You tell me.

There is an English word which perfectly describe such disgraceful behaviour which begins with the letter 'h'. I will give you a hint - it is not honesty.

I guess it is easier for them to do that since they have long lost their moral compass and sold their soul in subservience to their respective political parties - as many previous incidents can attest to.

Besides, isn't it easier to ignore something if you no longer have it with you?

Mahathir vs. Pak Lah: A Narrative in Three Parts [Part 1]

PART 1: Prologue

Malaysians have a lot of diversions on their hands lately and the recently started World Cup tournament - though being able to captivate audiences numbering the billions from all over the globe - is merely one of the distractions being afforded to us Malaysians nowadays.

The other is of course the on-going skirmish between the former and the current Prime Minister, Mahathir and Pak Lah.

Although the battle between these two individuals have been simmering for the past few months, it has entered a whole new level last week when Mahathir unleased his most scathing and personal attack yet upon Pak Lah, coming close to denouncing his authority as the democratically elected Prime Minister of Malaysia.

I believe that many Malaysians - especially those of my generation who had never known life under any other Prime Minister than Mahathir - are unnerved and slightly shaken by spectacle unfolding before their eyes.

We had lived the most parts of our lives venerating and looking up to the vision, wisdom and courage of Mahathir.

We have roamed the places which he had so boldly conceived and planned such as KLCC, KLIA and Putrajaya.

We have enjoyed the plush comforts which his unrestrained drive for excellence has brought us such as the advent of satellite TV like ASTRO or the rapid proliferation of Internet technology like broadband.

Our worldview have been coloured by his own with our gaze shifted from the West to the East, tinged by a small dose of antagonism towards Western ideas.

In short, his influence and persona has permeated our daily lives, our mindset, our attitude and our way of doing things.

For us, the memories of the previous three Prime Ministers are nothing more than just dry descriptions confined to the history books, which seemed to belong to some distant and obscure past of our country.

But Mahathir's contributions and achievements feel conveniently accessible to us.

We expect that with his retirement, the verdict on his contributions to the country have been passed, thus forever sealing his rightful place in the country's history.

We thought that his legacies will remain untouched, unquestioned and preserved for posterity.

Pak Lah's ascension to power marks a new chapter in the country's history; he instituted his own brand of administration upon the country, implementing various ambituous reform measures and radically changing the country's economic and social priorities.

Gradually, several of the projects and plans initiated during Mahathir's era were put on hold or terminated altogether.

We were told that certain expenditures that are acceptable under Mahathir are no longer acceptable under Pak Lah. We were told to adjust our lifestyle to cope with the rising prices of world commodities and basic necessities.

However, we were also given a wider forum for expression; we were encouraged to speak out againsts the misconducts of government officials and were promised wide-ranging reforms to battle bureaucratic red tapes and corruption.

Pretty soon, the first salvo was fired by Mahathir regarding the distribution of the Approved Permits (AP) for imported vehicles; then it was about the management (or rather the mis-management) of Proton.

From then on, the feelings of discontent and resentment slowly snowballed over the months.

The final blow came when the Government decided to shelve the convoluted half bridge project replacement to the current causeway between Johor and Singapore when Mahathir accused the Government of selling out the dignity and interests of the country.

Suffice to say, things didn't become any better since then for it has already passed the point of no return.

Monday, June 12, 2006

the impossible dream

Saturday, June 10, 2006

the other side...

My second year final exams eventually draw to a close on Thursday with the Quantum Mechanics paper. The paper itself was alright - not too difficult and mostly do-able. In fact, I actually enjoyed doing it.

I hope that I could say the same for my Electromagnetism paper but alas, I have long known that I might have to struggle a little for that paper. At least the Optics bit went well for me.

Another disappoinment for me was the Application of Quantum Mechanics and Electrons in Solids paper; not so much that the topic was difficult - the topics are relatively straightforward and I enjoyed both of them tremendously. But as they say, the devil is in the details - some of the equations I used are off by a factor of 2 or maybe a missing factor of h (Planck's constant). So even though I wasn't entirely wrong, my answers weren't wholly right either.

As for the rest of the papers - Statistical Physics, Thermodynamics, Sun, Stars & Planets, Maths - I believe I did pretty well on all of them and I am thankful for that.

Funnily enough, I didn't welcome the end of my exams with as much gladness as I would like to this year - not that I usually do that is.

Perhaps it is because my second year exams felt more like one long marathon rather than a 100 meters dash and as such, one doesn't come to rely on a short burst of momentum or a quick feeling of exhilaration to get oneself through it.

I started the race without being able to see the finish line - which doesn't imply any failure of foresight on my behalf - but somehow changes my attitude towards the whole notion of the exams.

It is not something just to be done and gotten over with; it is not something that exist just to be conquered or subdued; and it is certainly not some Goliath that demanded to be slayed.

Rather, I believe it feels more like a journey, the fruits of which you gather along the way and the final destination only serves as an impetus for you to start the journey in the first place.

In other words, the ends lies in the means itself.

I suppose there are subtle differences between the first and second year exams; the subjects more challenging but equally more interesting and engaging; the workload heavier but more fulfilling and so on and so forth.

I don't know but somehow the second year exams felt less like a platform for you to prove your worth or your standing among your peers but more like an exercise to test whether you can cope with the long periods of mental and intellectual excitation.

It is not a test of speed but a test of pace; not a measure of aceeleration but of endurance.

At least, that's how it felt to me this year as I pondered over the revisions I did, preparations I made and the actual exams I took. And I enjoyed every minute of it.

I admit that I could have done in some aspects or invested a more concentrated effort on certain matters. There are always plenty of room for improvements - and I think this come about not solely because something had gone wrong.

I suppose when you begin to see your exams not as a one off or a once-done-I-am-okay thing, you will perceive your past mistakes and hesitancy not as the end of the world but as a minor detour, a course correction you will have to make if you wish to continue your passage down this choosen path.

I am not suggesting that one should tolerate incompetencies or obvious flaws, but trying to eliminate them altogether is not the way to go either.

Ignorance might be a convenient trait to have but one does not live in this world purely for convenience's sake, right?

I've made the journey and reached the other side. But my satisfaction lies not in ultimately reaching the destination but in travessing the path in the first place.

Because sometimes, as much as you would like to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, you will miss the faint shimmer of the gems of opportunities in the dark that surrounds you.

And once you have reached the end, perhaps you will find that light at the end of the tunnel might not dazzle you as much as you thought it would, for it only seemed so earlier because of the darkness you were in.

And sadly, there are no resits.