naguib mahfouz (1911-2006)

Early this morning, I came across a news item saying that Naguib Mahfouz, the 1988 recepient of the Nobel Prize in Literature has passed away at the age of 94.

The citation from the Nobel Prize committee states that he "who, through works rich in nuance - now clear-sightedly realistic, now evocatively ambiguous - has formed an Arabian narrative art that applies to all mankind."

I first came across his work when I was back in college and when I happened to read Midaq Alley; back then, I only managed to read 2 chapters of the book.

But those 2 chapters were enough to leave a lasting impression on me - the style of his prose was clever and penetrating yet retains a certain air of ambivalence about them. I felt that there was something both familiar and alien about his description of the daily life in the back alleys of Cairo.

The story tantalizes you with intimate details of the life of its characters which at the same time serves as an effective allegory of life in modern Egypt, therefore deals with immediate issues which all of us could relate to.

To me, he masterfully weaves in the old and the new, the obvious and the obscure, the subtle and the shocking in his works.

Nearly 3 years have passed before I managed to find the book again and finished reading it when I was in London; the appeal which first drew me to his works was still strong and alive.

Personally, I feel that Mahfouz ranks together with Pramoedya Ananda Toer - the famed Indonesian writer - in a sense that both of their works have a broad appeal among readers beyond their own countries because their works function at so many different levels.

These are writers who - having a keen sense of awareness of the desires, fears and wisdom of their own people and its heritage - manage to use it as a vehicle into which they would insert sublime messages and tales that resonates clearly with the global audience.

And unlike authors who fade into the dark recesses of history long after their heyday is over, Mahfouz continues to have a genuine interest in the development and flowering of Egyptian and Arabic literature even to his ailing days.

A mark of a great author, he never forgets his role in interpreting and shedding light on the aspirations and hopes of the people and the society he lives in, cleverly balancing his own passion for writing and his responsibilities as public literary figure.

My only regret so far is that I do not have the opportunity to read and understand both of their works in their original language - Arabic and Bahasa Indonesia - for I believe that their works would yield a deeper and more beautiful meaning when read in their original language.

I think it is a great tragedy that most of us only get to know about a particular author's works only after he or she has passed away.

Imagine how illuminating it would be if we were given the chance to meet and discuss their works with them; how rewarding the experience will be!

Mahfouz once said in an interview that "if the urge to write should ever leave me, I want that day to be my last."

To Mahfouz, I bid thee farewell and I wish upon you Al-Fatihah; may you receive forgiveness and blessing from Allah and accorded a place in eternal Heaven.

Your legacy will live forever, like a 21st century Pyramid.

where do we go from here, malaysia?

It is rather unfortunate for Khairy Jamaluddin to have made that now infamous statement of his, expounding how a weak UMNO will become an easy target for other political parties in the BN ruling coalition.

On the surface, his statement could be construed as an inherent lack of faith in the intention of the other component parties and a convoluted understanding in the fundamental concept of power sharing in the BN.

It paints the picture that the component parties in the BN, rather being a coalition born out from a firm commitment to common goals and values, are instead solely driven by the Darwinian instincts to survive and each desperately jostling to reach the alpha male position.

Rather than being viewed as mutual partners, the other component parties are seen as opportunistic rivals.

Perhaps Khairy has forgotten that most of the component parties in the BN are racially based and cater exclusively to the needs of their respective communities; and in such arrangements, each of them usually minds their own business.

Therefore, to suggest that another party could somehow take over the mantle of BN from the dominant UMNO is quite unlikely.

Unless of course, MCA suddenly decides to take care of the welfare of the Malays on top that of the Chinese, a situation which will be quite unprecedented if it is to come true.

In short, the BN coalition may cater for the well-being of all the races but the UMNO party will continue to serve the Malays, MCA party for the Chinese and MIC party the Indians.

As a coalition, the BN could claim to be truly Malaysian in its representation but as far as partisan politics goes, it is still divided along racial lines.

But back to Khairy, it is actually difficult to fully understand the full ramifications of his statement on the state of the BN coalition. I mean, if the other component parties were to take advantage of a weak UMNO, what does it bode for the rakyat?

If MCA were to become the alpha male in the BN coalition, is he implying that the well-being of the Malays would not be taken care of? Or vice versa?

If such fears and distrusts still run deep among our current political leaders, then we are no better than we are nearly 50 years ago when we proclaimed independence from the British.

In fact, some would even argue that we have moved backwards since then.

If we still allow narrow and unfair racial prejudices to cloud our judgement and prevent us from grasping the bigger picture of Malaysian future, then the much trumpeted harmony amongst the races are nothing more than simply cheap sloganeering.

If we could not even entrust our well-being in the hands of other races who have lived, toiled and fought along side with us for nearly the past 50 years, then does the progress we have achieved so far has any significant meaning?

I think the saddest part of this whole issue is that Khairy - who once studied overseas and exposed to a diverse environment, hence expected to have a more global world-view that transcends petty racial partitioning - had easily fallen prey to the need to prove his political worth by conveniently conjuring up a racial bogeyman fashioned in the image of the Chinese.

It feels as if in Malaysia, one of the requirements in one's rite of passage to become a full-fledged politician is to shamelessly rattle the sensitivities and provoke the backlash of the other races.

It sounds as if you will have to trample on other people's head in your way to the top; and the worst part is that we feel no regret in doing so at all, especially judging from Khairy's refusal to apologize to the Chinese.

Sadly, our country have come to a point where we no longer view racially-tinged statements, attacks and insults as something abhorrent anymore, where it is acceptable to disparage other races to fulfill our own ends.

The truth is that we are often asked to tolerate and respect other races but we have never been publicly advocated to understand, delve into and compromise with them.

It is enough for us to accept the fact that we have to live side by side in this country but we never bothered to inquire, to get to know or to immerse ourselves in the customs, values and needs of the other races.

In short, we have been living comfortably amongst our own kind, effectively cloistered and oblivious to the comings and goings of other races.

Our country have degenerated into nothing more than mutiple islands of comunities each consigned to a particular race.

With such deliberate seclusion, it is no surprise that our rational mind often take a backseat whenever issues that transcend racial barriers crop up in our midst.

We have be cooped up for so long that we begin to reflexly treat every unfamiliar thing that comes our way as a threat to our social, economic and political standing.

Even the simple and innocent request for a wider platform to discuss national issues are immediately seen as an intrusion into our own collective lifestyle and a deterioration of our own self-imposed racial supremacy.

And when we are finally coaxed into such open discussions, we seek every opportunity to prevent the issue from being further explored, everything from the classic method of invoking the ugly racial ghosts of the past to the practice of attacking the racial loyalty or religious credibility of the questioner or messenger.

As soon as the avenue for discussion is opened, we quickly concoct mutiple ways to try to shut it, our responses a sad reflection of our barely-stretched intellect.

Indeed, we seemed to prefer thunderous chest-thumping, fiery rhetoric and morally repugnant mud-slinging to get our message across as opposed to a cool and rational dialogue infused with humility and honesty.

Lately, such actions are not only limited to racial issues but has also spread to religious, social and economic issues - the fundamentally semantic battle of whether Malaysia is an Islamic or a secular state, the accusations that the Gerakan-led Penang is not giving enough attention to the Malays and the recent fighting among the students at UPM, just to name a few.

At times, it seemed that Malaysians have lost the ability to hold a civilized conversation altogether.

When will we ever learn that in most cases, the message not to the messenger that should be given more attention?

When will we ever learn that attempting to discredit someone purely because of the message he carries is not the way to gain supporters in this day and age?

When will we ever learn that irrationality never goes hand in hand with the handling of delicate issues since it could easily tear the fragile racial fabric of our country?

When will we ever learn that clamping down on the real story, whitewashing the past and enforcing a blanket ban on the painful aspects of our history would not make it go away?

It is certainly sad that as we near our 49th Merdeka, racial overtones are being non-chalantly tossed around in our political arena with endless goading from each side of the divide filling the newspaper daily.

In fact, it would seemed paradoxical for our leaders to continually enjoin the rakyat to refrain from doing anything that will disrupt the peace and harmony which we have enjoyed for the past half a century when they freely traded racial barbs with each other in the august house of the Parliament.

Until our leaders learn to eat the humble pie and adhere to their own advice, they could not expect the rakyat to take their words seriously.

After all, hypocrisy at the top will only lead to disenchanment the bottom.

Change could and would only start to occur if the very people who advocated it stick to the rules they themselves have laid down.

I think the faster we recognize how debilitating our inclination to dwell on racially-charged matters is to the country, the easier it is for us to escape from its clutches and the sooner our journey to recovery will be.

It is timely for us to realize that in this increasingly globalized word, the role which racial connotations play in our daily dealings with the world is greatly diminishing and fast becoming irrelevant.

With globalization meaning that an Indian could well be the manager of multi-million dollar company in the US or an American becoming a respected political advisor in the one of the Arab states or a Chinese as a famous expert in Malay Literature, it can be said that the notion of a particular race having exclusive control of its own affairs and matters is quite laughable.

Thus, continuing to disproportionately magnify our racial differences and propping up the facade of racial supremacy will not achieve nothing except hurt ourselves in the end.

In fact, infighting stemming from racial tensions will only create dissension within the country which will directly impair our ability to compete with the rest of the world.

While other countries are quickly refashioning themselves in order to become effective players in the future global economy, we are still hopelessly stuck in the racial quagmire and refusing to face up to our past demons.

49 years is too long a time for all of us to be in a perpertual state of denial about the state of our country and its people.

I believe it is high time to end it now and begin a new beginning.

Selamat Hari Merdeka Malaysia!

sunday in the park with the family

I was away in London and Paris with my family for 4 days last week.

It was an impromtu decision of a sort for the whole family to fly into London and meet up with my dad who was flying in from New York.

And since it coincided with the school holidays, we just seized this rare moment when all of us are together, booked our flight tickets, packed our bags and jet off to London last Saturday.

I must admit that the days running up to the holidays were pretty nerve-racking; searching for the lowest-priced Eurostar tickets to Paris, digesting the extensive travel guides to London and Paris, drawing up impossibly packed itineraries to satisfy the whims of every member of my family and planning another equally thorough backup intinerary.

And even though these things are not exactly rocket science, they were by no means easy to complete - especially if it fell only on one individual to do it.

But presevere we did and I am glad that everything turned out relatively well and went smoothly during the whole trip.

I think the one thing that struck me about this particular trip was how it was a learning experience for all of us - learning how to adapt and adjust to life abroad with its fair share of restrictions, nuances and idiosyncracies, learning how to strech yourself to the limit when the burden of responsibility fell upon your shoulders, learning to compromise and make peace with delays, mistakes and unforeseen circumstances, learning how to convincingly lead others and to not isolate them.

At this point, one is forgiven to wonder - with all the lessons mentioned above - whether this trip is a 'lawatan sambil belajar' with clearly defined goals or simply another carefree family outing.

I would like to think that it was a bit of both; it was a chance for all of us to hang out and come together as a family and experience new experiences abroad. But the trip also gave us an opportunity to reflect and attain some kind of a world view of the things around us.

That said, the greatest things one could bring back from such trips are all-embracing, internationalized mindset and a broader expectations of the world besides the warm memories of a time well spent with each other that will remain etched in our minds forever.

I mean, there's no better way to understand and put into visible perspective the cocoon we've been living in than to come out of it and see it with your own eyes.

On a personal note, it is indeed heartwarming for me to be able to show to my family the sights, the sounds and the smells of the places I roamed, sauntered and been to almost every day in London.

I mean, at least now they have an idea of how it feels like for me whenever I passed through the international departure gates at KLIA.

After all, isn't an experience shared an experience gained?

Coupled that with the ones you love and it becomes truly priceless.

they asked me why i believe in you

After months of rocky yet seemingly peaceful co-existence with one of my friends, we mutually decided to sever our friendship for good.

I realized that this coming from a person like myself might sound a bit unprecedented but I can't say that I didn't really see it coming.

For weeks, the conversations between the two of us have been for weeks increasingly filled with veiled cynicism, simmering skepticism and peevish bickering.

The point has been reached where talking to each other becomes agonizing where both of us are making conscious efforts to be extremely tactful to each other.

And even though we may have not parted under the best of circumstances, I took solace in the fact that I have managed to convey to him all the advice, criticisms, apologies and regrets that I have always desired to tell him.

As both of us tried to move on, I can't help but to reflect on the friendship I forged with him; I wondered what is it that delivered that final blow which effectively removed any remaining trust left between the two of us.

On my part, perhaps I was being too demanding towards him; maybe I was too persistent in my efforts to make him admit to his past mistakes, to accept his inherent flaws and hence to start changing his attitude for the better.

And then I asked myself, why was I being too harsh and demanding towards this one particular fellow? Why did I singled him out, out of my other friends? What caused me to make him my prime target for my relentless efforts to make him confess to his past failures?

Was it merely being vindictive? Was it the satisfaction of hearing him say that he was wrong? Was it because I wanted to break him and make him parade his dirty laundry in front of everyone?

Or was it out of a genuine concern for his well-being? Was it because it pains me to hear other people speak so trivially and snidely of him that I desperately wanted him to come clean and eventually right his wrongs where possible?

For his part, maybe it was simply his refusal to admit and accept his past mistakes that led him on a road of confrontation with me. Or maybe he felt betrayed when I started to criticize some of his actions and urged him to make ammends.

One thing for sure though, judging from his disproportionate reactions to my requests and reasonings, I knew that I hit a chord with him. I knew that something I said really struck close to home with him.

But I am not sure which one.

Those who knew him are aware that he has an irritable tendency to occasionally spew half-truths and weave tall tales into his account of everyday things; it was a well-known fact amongst his friends but they seldom make a big deal out of it given the situation.

One would have thought that 5 years would have knocked some sense into him but unfortunately his tendency showed no signs of abating.

It was getting more difficult to separate the fact from fiction and even in the remote case that one could verify that he is indeed telling the truth, it was difficult for most people to completely trust him.

It was a scenario with morals totally derived from the classic fairy tale story of the boy who cried 'wolf'.

It is not so much that you must not tell any lies; rather it is that if you lied once, you will be hard pressed to find people who will trust you the next time around.

It is like you are constantly and carelessly digging new holes only to find out later that you have no means to cover the holes you just dug out.

Pretty soon, you will also be in danger of falling into one of holes you have dug out.

I guess at that time, it was a logical thing for me to ask him to come clean, admit to his past mistakes and start anew. Unfortunately for me, the formula to remedy the situation is perfectly grasped but the execution remains elusive.

As a result, bickering ensues and the rest is history. From that moment on, the bridge is already crossed and burnt.

However, in my heart, I am slowly finding the courage to forgive him for the things he uttered in his fit of anger. By learning to forgive, hopefully I will slowly be able to fully absolve myself from the issue altogether.

And even though at the back of my heart, I am silently wishing that we could patch things up again, I believe that after all that both of us have said and done to each other, it would be better if we are to remain apart.

I pray that by doing so both of us will become better friends and ultimately better people.

my internship so far

Working in the lab as a research assistant is not such a bad thing really.

In my case, I get to grind and prepare a superconductor sample, bake it for several days, polish and compress it into pellets, cut it using a saw into small thin tapes, freezing it well below zero Celcius and eventually measure its critical temperature and critical current.

I must admit that superconductor research is not really one of my fields of interest but after being at it for nearly a month, I must say that it is - like most other cutting-edge fields of research in physics - quite exciting.

It is less of a theoretical work and more of an experimental exercise actually.

There are refrigeration systems to be properly warmed up hours before the actual experiments starts, current and voltage probes to be carefully guided to touch the sample, temperature monitors to be controlled, voltmeters to be watched and data logging programs to be started.

At times, it can be quite frustrating when something goes wrong - and something is guaranteed to go wrong - and I have learnt to realize that the days when everything goes right is an exception rather than a norm.

It is true that for every single instance when everything goes well, there are 99 instances when things go amiss.

It is a slow, painful and tedious process that requires constant attention and I have taught myself to be grateful when anything worse did not happen.

However, at the very back of my mind, I often feverishly hope that that particular instance would be the blessed and sacred one - the instance when everything fits together nicely.

The experiment may not require any back-breaking Herculean effort - though it does tax one's hand-eye coordination - but the sense of repeated failures can severely test one's patience sometimes.

But I must admit the guidance, support and assistance I have been receiving from my supervisor have been enormously gratifying and comforting.

And I guess when you think of all the good things that happened to me both outside and inside the lab, this internship does in some way help pave the foundation and network for my future career.

Until then, I just need to trudge on, praying hard for that one single moment when everything falls into place.

out of the woods

I know it's been nearly a month since my last post and one should be forgiven to think that maybe I have lost my zest and enthusiasm for writing nowadays; indeed, sometimes I wonder about it myself.

I mean, this time last year, I had one post filled with nostalgaic events of my first year in London, one post just before I departed, one post heralding my arrival in Ipoh and one post tinged with wide-eyed hope and anticipation for the summer.

None of those this year though; all I manage to scribe about was my anxiousness and growing concern on how summer this year will turn out to be. It was filled with uncertainty, dread and a sense of loss.

Looking back, I think most of my earlier fears were ridiculously misplaced, some even bordering on sheer paranoia - clearly nothing but simply a product of someone who just travelled 12 hours across several time zones.

That said, I must admit that a few of the concerns did help me better prepare and plan for the summer, especially during those precious moments in-between my thoughts.

But I guess at that particular moment of place and time, I really felt that I needed to let all of my concerns and worries out. I was desperate for an outlet and writing about it helps.

I reckon doing that was one of the few things that saved my summer plans from being irretrievably lost in the midst of hopeless confusion that was my mind.

And now, on with programme.