empty decorations

I have moved into my new place on Monday; got a nice fairly large single room with a good view to myself - well enough for me to be sufficiently satisfied with it.

It's just that I wished that I could have all my stuffs now so that I could start unpacking and filling my room with stuffs as soon as possible; it is rather unnerving being in a largely empty room - the room feels impersonal, alien and cold (literally in my case).

I did some re-arrangements to the furnitures in my room based on my scant knowledge of feng-shui and some other practical considerations; I must admit that I very much prefer the way it looked now compared to its original arrangements.

Still, with all my stuffs at Jia Hong's place coupled with the fact that he won't be back till this weekend, I have to endure several nights without my books, duvet, pillows, cooking utensils etc. (the importance not necessarily in that order); let me just say that I'm not as adept at adjusting to the cold weather as I thought and that living in an almost empty room is as bad as experiencing existential angst.

I guess it goes to show how distressed I am that I have resorted to go around the house offering my assistance to my other housemates to organize their books and stuffs.

As for the rest of the house, I think the others are fitting in quite well themselves; we have bought most of the essential stuffs needed for the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom - though I would think several times before deciding to buy any household items from Argus next time round.

I guess desperate measures should only be taken up under desperate circumstances and that quality should never be compromised in the name of lower costs however tempting that might be.

For now, I am keeping myself busy reading several books - some I received as an early birthday gift from my family and some I borrowed from the college library - and trying as best as I could to nudge myself to start writing again.

I think there is something about the cold British weather that causes your mind to be extremely lethargic, making it hard for you to conceive any reasonably good ideas to be written down; indeed, sometimes it felt as if my mind is in a deep freeze.

Therefore, I am now desperately hoping for a kind of a 'divine' spark to get myself out of this hibernation; it has been far too long for my liking.

a bout of sentimentalism, fear and confusion

Hey, I'm back in London.

I realized that my last few posts have been rather incoherent, mindless and sort of have a restraint feel to them; whenever I try to write in the past few days, my posts will tend to degenerate into a confusing mix of several topics at the end even though I had only one topic in mind in the beginning.

Even though some people would prefer to call such free flow of ideas as a burst of creative energy, mine felt more like several different voices speaking at the same time in my mind, each trying to outdo the other for attention.

It was difficult to form clear thoughts and follow them through, and this state I believe have manifested itself in my previous writings; rather than going directly to the point, I have a greater inclination to ramble and rave than I normally do.

I pondered over this matter throughout my flight back to London and I came to the conclusion that the reason for this was because my mind was burdened by the sheer emotional weight of leaving my family, friends and home.

Feelings of despair, fear, anticipation and joy periodically crossed my mind - a dangerous and unstable mix - causing me to be too caught up in the emotional conundrum, hence leaving my capacity to think rationally and reasonably to be greatly reduced.

And if you still insist to pen your thoughts - notwithstanding the glut you are in - it's as if you are viewing the world through those 3D glasses or that your views are obscured by a thick impenetrable fog - the observations you make will only be valid under certain carefully fine- tuned situations and seemed myopic (no pun intended).

The conclusions you derived will lack the depth, perspective and piercing quality which one will normally expect from anyone who is always mindful of their thoughts; these are exactly the qualities which were severely absent from my past few posts.

Having deprived of the ability to think things thoroughly and controlling my train of thoughts, I am slightly worried over the quality of my next post, which partly explains the conspicuous absence of any new posts for the past few days.

There are plenty of ideas for my next posts floating in my mind at the moment but I just can't bring myself to develop those ideas further. It is not enough for me for those ideas not only to fly, but to soar and for now, those ideas have not gained sufficient momentum yet.

It may take a while but as long as it is not terminal, I am willing to spare my patience.

let us step into the night...

Will be flying back to London early Sunday morning so I expect that this will be my last entry from Malaysia.

Packing is nearly done; my luggage is brimming with clothes - quite a sight really, having all your clothes ordered neatly in your bag maximising every inch of space of the bag.

Not that the contents of my luggage were never neat or ordered, but I don't often transport that many clothes before this; normally my books, papers and stationeries will occupy more space than my clothes.

I can't exactly say what I am feeling at the moment - a queer mix of apprehension and excitement overshadowed by an unexpected aura of normalcy and coolness. I just that I will be able to properly say good bye.

I just pray that it will be a smooth transition into my second year in London - certainly there will a lot of things to look forward to, a lot of things to keep me going.

New challenges, new experiences, new troubles, new places, new people...

As I sign off for now, I quote Dumbledore when I say, 'And now, let us step into the night and pursue the flighty temptress, adventure.'

See you in London!

your routine - servant or master?

Often you will have this funny yet selfish thought that whenever something of significance happened to you, you sort of expect the whole world to stop and take notice; you expect that people will stop going about their daily routine for a minute and recognize the fact that something out of the ordinary - to say the least - just happened to you.

Their willingness to spare a few minutes of their daily lives or to halt whatever it is they are doing at the moment qualififes to you as a polite acknowledgement of their awareness that your life is undergoing some kind of change.

At times, we may even go so far so as to expect that when they resume their normal activities, they will do so with a silent reminder tucked away at their back of their minds that you are about the embark on some life-changing experience.

I have come across a few writings in which people do expect such things to occur - for the whole world to stop spinning, for everyone to take heed and give their utmost attention to what is happening to you; people expect that to happen when someone close dies or goes away, when they are diagnosed with a terminal disease, when they failed to achieve something, when they loose something dear to them or when they received some earth-shattering revelation.

In each of these circumstances, all of them thought that what is happening to them is so mind-boggling, huge and important that time itself should have stopped so that they will be able to absorb or digest the news.

But alas that is not to be - time flows relentlessly, people go about busily with their daily routine, the city does not halt to a standstill, the trains pulls in and out of the station, flights depart and arrive on time, no public holidays are declared, no nation-wide announcements, no mention in the media.

The minutes ticked away like it usually does and in the cosmic scale of things, that particular moment to which you attach such great significance does not seemed any different from the minute before or after.

As my day of departure back to London draws nearer, that funny and selfish thought ocassionally comes to my mind.

I guess I am just struck by the uniformity and normality to which some of my friends go about their daily lives - commuting to college or work, having meetings and discussions, conducting classes and tuitions etc.

It made me feel a little offended with their today-is-just-like-any-other-day attitude which makes one wonder whether they are able to make any time at all in their daily schedule to spend some extra time with me, before each of us go our separate ways again.

But then again, maybe by allowing their daily routine to dictate their lives, by letting themselves to be so entrenched and caught up with their work or studies, they won't have the time to feel sad or lonely once I'm not here - not that I fancy myself as someone missable that is, quite the contrary I think.

Perhaps it is just their way of coping with my absence - to allow themselves to be swept away with waves and waves of work without any time to dwell in such thoughts.

Therefore, it is cruel and unfair to suggest that they don't care at all; they have their own lives to take care of, their own matters to settle. Besides, I am not their center of the world - their lives doesn't constantly revolve around me.

And I trully abhors the fact that I am able to dream up such selfish notions in the first place - it was really uncalled for.

I guess to a certain extent, their coolness in dealing with my upcoming departure caused me a certain amount of unease as well; their ability to go through their daily lives without exhibiting any excessive concern or despair have somewhat made me feel as if I'm doing nothing more than just moving over to the house next door - their calmness gives little weight or emotional resonance to my departure.

I fear that the lack of obvious acknowledgment may lull me into a false sense of security and complacency - that my 2nd year in London will just exactly similar to my 1st year, not that there is nothing wrong with my 1st year.

But the sense of complacency made me felt as if my 2nd year will be devoid of any new excitements and challenges; it doesn't have that enigmatic quality about it; that made me feel both apprehensive and a little too comfortable with my departure to London.

I want to be on my toes when I arrive there to begin my 2nd year; I want to look forward to new things to discover, meet new people and visit new places. However, the combined sense of calmness and coolness exhibited by my friends have made me feel as if my 2nd year in London is just like any other year in my life.

But then again, I must admit that the sense of security I feel now about leaving for London is also quite comforting sometimes - the kind of feeling you get when you slip into a pair of your most comfortable shoes, or fitting into your favourite pair of clothes, or of tasting your most likeable dish.

I mean, I too look forward to my routine back in London to allow me to settle in and get back to work; I hold on to it to prevent myself from slacking and wasting unnecessary amounts of time. By clinging to my routine, hopefully I am able to focus myself.

In short, I suppose the sense of complacency and security one feels can be both comforting and troubling.

Indeed, for some their routine anchors them to reality, detaching them from the mundane and trivial affairs of the heart and allowing to sail through their lives without much hassle - it comforts them and it accords them a sense of certainty and stable complacency in their lives.

For others, their routine shackles them to dull monotonous existence, preventing them for branching out and making new experiences and stiffles their joie de vie - it condemns them to a sterile and rigid life.

In the end, it's all about feeling your very best, being most comfortable and at ease with yourself under a given situation - routine or not.

After all from a cosmic perspective, it is us who impose rules and gives meaning to a particular moment in the grand passage of time.

And as much as we like to think that time somehow control our lives, the truth is that it has been the other way around all along.

hello, are you there?

Have you ever had the distinct impression that certain people are deliberately avoiding you?

How can you tell? When the usually long MSN conversations you have with someone suddenly reduce itself to brief and hurried greetings and messages; or when you have to wait days to receive a reply to your SMSs which ultimately forces you to call up that person; or when you need to send countless e-mails just so that particular person will be induced to write back to you.

What are the kind of reasons given? Some people may be too busy that they really have no time for themselves, much less to call up and chat with you - which they might perceived as a luxury; some people are contrained by a confluence of unfortunate events and circumstances, preventing them to keep in touch with others at a particular moment in time; some people are just not bothered or despised by your company, thus having to come up with one weak reason after the other for supposedly not being able to contact you; and some people just choose to remain silent, preferring to let others make the first contact.

Why are we so upset over it? Because we are hurt by their passiveness and couldn't-care-less attitude; because we felt that all of our effort to initiate contact have gone down the drain; because we expect them to at least return the favor; because we want to make them feel bad for ignoring us; because we want something else other than their replies and company.

Granted, we have every right to feel uptight and offended if a certain someone happened to ignore all our attempts to communicate him; but I guess we too are obliged to re-examine our true motives and intentions to initiate that contact in the first place.

I believe that if we truly have faith in that particular person, no matter how often he or she ignores your e-mails, MSN messages or SMSs, we will keep on sending them in hopes that eventually they can bring themselves to reply.

If our intentions are pure, then we will be able to muster enough faith and patience to do that without succumbing to doubts and ill thoughts. After all, it takes a whole lot of courage to believe in someone rather than to doubt them.

But if that person chooses to ignore your attempts to contact him or her, then perhaps you should respect his decision and cease your efforts. It may be kinder to him/her and yourself to do that - you should know a lost cause when you see one.

Some people might abhor any attempts to read too much into a given situation and that one should always be willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. For them, it is too much to get all worked up just over the indifferent behavior of a single person.

I guess as much as it is proper and necessary for us to always be sensitive to the needs and intentions of our friends, it is equally important to learn when to respectfully back out if our friends felt that we are carelessly trespassing their personal space.

It all boils down again to the issue of trust and your true intentions - when it is too much that you should back out or when it is too little that you should move in.

Ignorance and concern each have their own suitable niche in any friendship and one should always be mindful of that.

But I suppose when you put the whole issue into perspective, it's not really the end of the world if one person decides to ignore you altogether; as long as you have exempted yourself from the blame and cleared your conscience, that should be good enough for you.

Besides, when one door closes, another door opens, right? For each person who have been hurt, they will always be another who have the ability to heal, another who can offer you refuge and comfort, another who can share your pain and frusfrations.

It is precisely in understanding the situation, putting it into perspective and taking the best course of action given the circumstances you are in which differentiates those who are in control of their emotions and those who let their emotions control them.

Having those emotions running unchecked in one's mind does not bode well for one's well-being; despair, resentment and angst are bad for one's soul.

It is detrimental to keep them in for too long because when it eventually comes out, it might get ugly.

of history and ignorance

I know that some people might have grown accustomed to their pretty laidback life here in Malaysia that they dread having to fly back to London; they have developed a strong sense of attachment to the luxuries and conveniences their daily routine here have provided.

But for others, such notion of attachment are virtually unheard of; whether they are here in Malaysia or back in London, life goes on as it usually does for them - without the excessive display of emotional and cultural inertia when the time comes to leave.

I think we should do well to remember that the absence of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist; the lack of any feeling of regret and apprehension of leaving Malaysia does not make one any less grateful for having the chance of spending one's summer holidays back at home.

My point is that it is a little unreasonable to allow our sense attachment and complacency to unnecessarily distract our attention to the new exciting adventures we can look forward to in London.

To a certain extent, I find that it is a bit misguided to attach ourselves to a physical political entity i.e. our country whilst neglecting the social and cultural connections i.e. its people and heritage.

Indeed, I believe that the notion of Malaysia is not so much defined by its geo-political boundaries as much as by the characters and ideals of its people.

This is one of the reasons that I find the recent argument over the origins of the name 'Malaysia' rather misses the point, although I must fairly admit that the sudden albeit short-lived interest in Malaysian history shown by the public was heartening.

And the debate over the origins of the country's name seemed rather superficial when compared to other aspects about our country's history i.e. social, economic, political which seemed to have more substance, at least from a practical point of view.

It is certainly correct to argue about the symbolic importance of finding out the origins of our country's name in terms of its role in the development of the country's identity; but I felt that there are other more substantial issues about our country's history which are equally important to our country's identity which are worth debating about.

For instance, the histories of the early kerajaans in Penisular Malaysia, the early influence of Hinduism and Buddhism which bring about the process of Indigenization, the impact and relevance of the British socio-economic and political policies to the current political structure, the study of pre-Independence literature and press in Malaya or - like brought up by Ronnie Liu recently - the true fighters for Independence.

Personally, I felt that the notion he was trying to put forward was that they are other people, groups and parties whose efforts and dedications contribute to the gaining of independence for Malaya and its success should not be attributed only to the members of one political party.

But naturally in Malaysia, such delicate and fragile notion are stripped down and distorted for the benefit of a select few who wish to use it to gain instant political points. The fact that most of the Malaysian public are content with reading about it in the news, not bothering to find out more about its real context doesn't help either.

Not that I totally find myself in agreement with the statement made by Ronnie Liu either but we must always remember that one could draw several different, sometimes conflicting interpretations from a single historical fact.

Historical facts are certainly static and unchanging but historical interpretations can always be subjected to revisions depending on prevailing circumstances.

Besides, I believe that it is far more important to allow for open discussions and debates amongst these conflicting interpretations rather than hastily trying to decide which interpretation is the right one.

So far, most of our politicians, scholars and the public are more consumed in trying to outwit each other and proving the validity of their own interpretation in this issue whilst failing to even acknowledge - either due to sheer ignorance or an insurmountable ego - the plausibility of other interpretations.

Some of them can't barely see past beyond the bow of their own argument fearing that acknowledging other interpretations will lessen the credibility and validity of their own. They need to know that in this day and age, one sure way to strengthen one's views is to subject them to intense scrutiny by others and not by silencing the critics.

It is precisely because the issue is such a delicate one that it must be adressed immediately in an open, rational and objective manner. True, history is always written by the winning side but is it not that those who forget history are condemned to repeat it?

Especially if we choose to blatantly ignore the other side of the story, the past may come to haunt us.

In addition, when we begin to place more importance arguing over the exact origins of our country's name rather than debating about the lessons we could learn from our country's economic, social and political histories, we risk falling into the intellectual trap of putting form ahead of function.

And to tell the truth, Malaysians have been ensnared many time by such traps - but we don't seemed to learn from our mistakes.

Compounded by our revisionist attitude towards history, we risk turning our rich varied history into mindless propaganda by effectively closing the doors for further historical discourses.

It is inevitable that the interpretation of our history will be skewed to serve our nationalistic purposes, but it should not be pursued with such fervert zeal to the point that it stiffles any other point of views, thus giving the impression that the whole subject of history is dull, dry and stagnant.

Indeed, the study of history can be as vibrant and exciting as any other science subjects if one approaches it with an open mind and healthful amounts of curiosity; but then, the subject itself must be tailored in such a way that it encourages such modes of thinking.

The way I see it now, the study of history in our country seemed to induce nothing but sheer ignorance about it amongst our students - training them to accept only one version of history whilst happily ignoring the others - when it actual sense history is supposed to make one think outwards rather than inwards.

Ignorance are spread not by teaching ignorance per se but by forcefully suppresing any competing point of views and promoting their own version of history.

But then again, ignorant people act as ignorant people do, finding their audience among equally ignorant people.

all good things...

This time next week, I will be back in London and on Sunday morning, I will be flying back to London.

I'm happy to say that I had a thoroughly good time during my summer holidays; apart from slipping effortlesly back into my role as 'housekeeper' around the house, I managed to re-discover and catch up with old friends and teachers, try out and hone in my skills on new endavours and forge better and meaningful relationships.

It has been one hell of an emotional ride, filled with joy, pride, anger, resentment, despair, angst, humor and satisfaction; it certainly wasn't an uneventful holiday.

It is a little sad that I have to leave just as I am about to be comfortable with my daily routine here for there are several things I am definitely going to miss.

I will miss having breakfast at those small Malay stalls - enjoying a plate of nasi lemak with a glass of teh tarik and occasionally having those lightly toasted and fluffy kaya breads with half-boiled eggs - all for only RM2.50.

I will miss visiting the riotous pasar malams - a venerable Malaysian institution - and being able to tempt your palate with the sheer variety of Malaysian cuisine or just watching Malaysians from all walks of life minggling and exchanging stories and gossips.

I will miss the soft soothing sounds of the real Malaysian rain outside my window and feeling the cool breeze on your face after a heavy downpour. I will miss being able to switch on the fan or air conditioner whenever the heat is too much to bear.

I will miss scanning the Malaysian newspapers and musing over the quirky, paradoxical and perplexing nature of the Malaysian public and leaders and imagining how things could be a whole lot better if someone truly capable were at the helm.

I will miss the comforting thought of knowing that most of my friends and teachers are only a driving distance away and ever ready to listen, talk or debate whenever I feel like I need to.

I will miss being able to fetch my brother and sister from their respective schools, taking them for lunch or snacks along the way.

I will miss the security, warmth and complacency of being surrounded by my family besides being able to help them get through their lives in return.

I realized that there are plenty of things I should be grateful for and I am glad that I have been given the opportunity to be part of those things. I hope that my presence have left some imprint - no matter how miniscule - on their daily lives and manage to induce some form of change in the long term.

I believe that the only thing that will stand up to the savage and continual onslaughts of time are the deeds and impacts you have made on someone else's lives which are safely locked away in their minds and hearts.

When you put it that way, the fact that you will be travelling nearly 12 000 km across the seas and will be physically separated for the next 9 months or so are rather immaterial.

Indeed, you will continue to hear the distant calls of memories and see familiar grounds, both of which transcend all spatial and temporal boundaries.

And as you reflect on that, you will eventually come to realize that you never actually left here.

nst replies 3 - of humility and defiance

Third comment

True, it won international awards but how well do foreigners know and understand our culture? It is the same when we watch American movies and deduce that they are portrayals of American families. I have nothing against independent movies but Sepet was not that great and it is time we understood that just because foreign critics thought it was good, does not mean that it was.

Truth be told, I was smilling to myself when I read this bit of the letter and I have come to realized that we Malaysians are a funny and paradoxical bunch.

It is a well-known fact that our appetite for international renown and recognition are enormous and we are more than willing to go to the extremes in order to obtain such recognition from others - pouring lots of money to pursue mind-boggling activities such as cooking the largest this, painting the largest that etc.

However, under certain circumstances, we choose to refuse such international recognition bestowed upon us; we then tell ourselves that we do not require acknowledgement from others to know that our decisions and actions are right and that we can figure out what's good for our well-being for ourselves without the need for anyone to 'meddle' in our 'internal affairs.' Any further attempts to comment on our actions or decisions are simply labeled as anything from 'external interference' to 'neo-colonialism.'

Therefore, on one hand we graciously accepts such recognition and acknowledgement but on the other hand, we simply shrugs them off simply as an affront to our independence and sovereignty.

Although our defiance and steadfastness to stand up for what we think is right are commendable, at times this streak of independence have made us lose touch with reality.

It could certainly be argued that just because the foreign critics thought Sepet was good, it doesn't necessarily needs to be so. But considering the number of prestigious foreign awards Sepet have received, it's quite puzzling to find the local movie scene to be so antagonistic towards Sepet's win.

In the era of globalization, we cannot afford to go on about our lives without any care for what other people say about us. We need to realize that as the geographical and social borders around us dissapear, our playing field not only encompasses the local movie scene but the international movie scene.

And for Sepet to win these foreign awards, it tells something about the acceptance of the international movie scene towards the movie. It also means that Sepet has achieved a certain standard of excellence and on par with other international movies.

Perhaps the international juries are able to look beyond the superficial elements of the film - the lavish sets and props, the intricate costumes, the dazzling special effects, the huge budget - and focus more on the essence of the movie i.e. the real story the moviemaker wishes to tell.

Besides, one must always remember that two wrongs does not make one right; we can go on and claim that our oppositions to Sepet are justified until the cows come home but if almost the whole world takes up the opposite view, we should at least try to take into account their point of view.

After all, isn't humility just as important as confidence?

nst replies 2 - a question of degree

Second comment

Sepet struck me as a personal movie by Yasmin Ahmad. She was re-living the experiences of her younger days. It is not a complete portrayal of today’s Malaysians. Everything in that movie reminded me of the 70s. The old government house (why did the family remain there when the father had retired?), the furniture, etc. And what’s with the main character’s obsession with the baju kurung? We live in the 21st century and even in remote kampungs, we do not see teenagers in their baju kurung. This is not a true reflection of present-day Malaysians. Sepet struck me as a personal movie by Yasmin Ahmad. She was re-living the experiences of her younger days. It is not a complete portrayal of today’s Malaysians.

I would like to point out that I wasn't solely referring to the visual aspects of the movie when I concluded that Sepet is a good and honest potrayal of Malaysian life.

Rather, I was referring to the issues raised and tackled in the movie, the plot of the movie, the dialogue and dynamics between the characters in the movie.

I couldn't care less whether the Malay girl was wearing a baju kurung, cheogsam or skirts throughout the movie or whether the furnitures look like they are directly transported from the 1970s. To me, the locations, props and costumes used are merely a vehicle for the filmmaker to present her story.

Granted, the props and costumes might have been choosen to add a local touch to the movie, to enhance the visual quality of the film or to enable the audience to readily identify with the characters and locations, hence allowing them to fully immerse themselves in an environment which closely resembles a Malaysian setting.

But what matters to me was the essence of the movie and the issues it chooses to tackle.

In addition, I had mentioned in my original article that I admit some parts of the movie might have been 'enhanced' to ensure a smoother transition to the screen and I didn't recall saying that the movie was a 100% accurate potrayal of Malaysian life.

No movie could ever completely captures the subject which is meant to be central focus of the movie, no matter how faithful or meticulous the moviemaker might be. There are bound to be some aspects of the movie which deviates from the original subject matter - that is to be expected.

Therefore, I believe the question of whether Sepet is an exact potrayal of Malaysian life or not should not be asked in absolute terms - it is not a question of 'yes, it is' or 'no, it is not' i.e. the issue is not simply black or white. To even think of phrasing the question in that manner reflects a lack of in-depth analysis and simplistic thinking.

Besides, if we are to subject all movies to the same strict criterion, I doubt not many movies will be acknowledged as an accurate potrayal of whatever it is they intend to potray in the first place.

Rather, the question as to whether Sepet is an exact potrayal of Malaysian life or not is a question of degree. And when one judges a movie, one should find that some movies are much better at capturing the real essence of their subject matter compared to others and precisely based on this fact that we should provide our verdict on Sepet.

In short, the question is not whether or not Sepet is an accurate potrayal of Malaysian life; rather, it should be to what extent Sepet accurately potrays Malaysian life. The distinction between the two is subtle but makes a whole lot of difference.

Personally, compared to other stereotypical local movies, I believe that Sepet does a good job at portaying Malaysian life; note that I said Malaysian not Malays.

I mean, how close to the realities of Malaysian life are other local movies such as Sembilu, Puteri Impian, Senario the Movie etc.? Besides, since when local filmmakers strive to potray the issues of Malaysian life rather than making films solely to appease the whims of the movie-goers or to make lots of money?

And if you wish to talk about visual accuracy, since when the Javanese palaces during the time of the Malacca Sultanate used modern bricks for their buildings such as potrayed in PGL? How about the kungfu-like fighting scenes in the movie?

In addition, who have the authority to decide whether a movie is cinematic enough or not? Is it proper to impose one's criterion for cinematic quality on someone else without understanding the context of the movie?

Even though not a filmmaker myself, I believe one should not blatantly sacrifice faithful potrayals in a movie just to increase the film's cinematic quality or to make it cinematic enough.

But then again, that's a personal remark.

nst replies 1 - the elusive notion of patriotism

I know I should let the matter regarding my article published in NST to rest but the letters keep coming in and I am somewhat tempted to reply to them. This letter was published in today's NST (12 th September).

I would like to offer some comments on several points raised in the letter and I will do it in 3 parts.

First comment

From my contact with friends and family, I noticed that my young urban cousins and friends loved this movie to bits while the older generation like my parents, aunts and uncles, especially the kampung ones, did not think highly of the movie.

This is actually a very interesting observation about the movie - why does the issues raised in the movie connect more readily with young people rather than with adults? One reason might be because the plot of the movie revolves around the relationships between two teenagers rather than between two adults which are often potrayed in a stereotypical Malay movie.

But it is quite simplistic to attribute the observation only to this reason alone - I believe it is not so much of the actual potrayal of the relationship itself which appeals to the youths, but rather the essence and issues raised in the movie - the complications of inter-racial relationships, the challenges and pressures a youth face in their daily lives with their families and friends.

It is not a simple love story - but a love story made within the context of the challenges of Malaysian life divided along racial lines. Youths today identify with that because it is the kind of issues they encounter everyday; they are willing to grow out of their racial coccon and refuse to allow racial suspicions to be imposed on their lives.

I believe that this is a crucial point to note - Malaysian youths today have a somewhat different interpretation of the notion of 'patriotism' compared to their parents or grandparents; they do not live through the pre-Independence period of the country's history under the colonial rule of the British and Japanese, hence could not be expected to have the same degree of appreciation of the struggles of the country's founding fathers.

That is not to say that youths today are ignorant to the country's history; rather, their notion of 'patriotism' seldom conjures up the image of militaristic struggles against the Communist or of patient negotiations with the British.

Therefore, their notion of 'patriotism' often find its basis in the challenges and problems of the present generation - the problem of true unity among the races, the absence of equal opportunities among the races, the socio-economic gap between the rich and poor, the paralyzing state of our education system, the imposition of moral rules on social conduct etc.

These are the problems and challenges of relevance to Malaysian youths now; the challenges of their generation. Hence, their notion of 'patriotism' must be revised in accordance to these issues and challenges - the creation of a just, diligent and equal society where their race is neither a hindrace or an unfair advantage to their own personal advancement in life.

For them, overcoming these challenges epitomizes and resonates with their current notion of 'patriotism.'

When viewed in this context, one should not be surprised if youths today are not as jubilant to wave the Jalur Gemilang or sing patriotic songs during the Merdeka month celebrations; in their minds, they felt that Malaysia have a long way to go before it becomes a country which they have envision.

The struggles for Independence are of the past generation - their parents and gransparents - and have succeded; however, the post-Independence era is frought with its own social, economic and political challenges and it is precisely to overcome these challenges that today's youths have found their niche.

These are the struggles of their generation and we have only just begun to grasp and tackle them.

ad absurdum...

I sent my blog entry 'A Merdeka Thought' to the News Straits Times (NST), The Sun and The Star. The Sun published the whole complete article in its Merdeka Supplement section (31st August) on page 22.

However, the NST (1st September) published a very stripped-down version of my article, apparently focusing only on the Sepet and PGL bits of the article and removing the remainder of the article:

My article as published in NST 1st September

Naturally, it has attracted several responses, one which claims that my reasoning 'simply lacks academic anaysis':

A reader's reply to my published article (NST 6th Sept)

I would like to stress here that my original article was never meant to be a professional review of Sepet or PGL. If it was, I would written a more detailed (and longer) article than that in order to do the film justice.

If anyone have read the entire article here on my blog, they will know that the parts on Sepet and PGL are merely a vehicle for me to begin my article - it only makes up a quarter of the original article.

Indeed, the editors of theCICAK.com removed the references to Sepet and PGL because they felt that it was the weakest part of the article - which is mainly reflections on the state of our country. The edited version published in theCICAK.com could be read here.

In the original article, I touched on the issue of equal playing field among all Malaysians, the need for transparency, accountability and integrity before rounding it up with my evaluation on the survival value of the Malays.

All of this have been conveniently removed from my original article; even some of my comments about Sepet and PGL were unceremoniously deleted such as:

1. Granted, some of the potrayals in the film might be 'enhanced' to increase its impact on the audience, but the potrayals draw their basis from real life facts.
2. If the detractors for the movie felt the potrayals in the film repulsive, then they should re-examine and introspect their own self and ideals rather than channelling their disgust at the images reflected in the film itself. Besides, cleaning one's reflection on a mirror will not make one's face any cleaner. Could it be that the truth hurts so much that we couldn't bear to see and stare at our own reflection?
3. I realized that some might oppose to the Sepet's win purely because it triumphs over big-budget movies such as Puteri Gunung Ledang; some people felt that the fact PGL is a big budget movie alone makes it worthy to reap the top prizes. Such reasoning only typifies the prevailing yet misguided Malaysian attitude of the 'most expensive is always the best.'
4. However, we cannot deny our own reflection just as we cannot run away from our own shadow; either we confront it face-on or it will haunt us forever. Therefore, I believe that we can no longer remain ignorant to the slow decay of our country and its people.

I felt that comment no. 1 was very important because I admitted that some portrayals in the movie are slightly exxagerated to increase it's cinematic quality and that I am not taking the whole movie as it is.

The reasons behind the deletions of comments 2, 3 and 4 are a lot more easier to fathom, when you take into account the fact that it is being published in the NST.

Professor Datuk Dr Dyed Hussein Alatas lamented the lack of intellectual discourses among Malaysians in his recent interview with the Sun. When asked about ways to stimulate thinking, he replied, "The most important thing is the media. To talk in practical terms, the newspapers should have columns and try and get thinking people to contribute, do not impose any internal censorship."

Though I would hardly claim that my article was of an intellectual nature, I find that their decisions to irresponsibly edit my articles in such a myopic manner either shows that they are totally ignorant to the more significant points of my article or that they deliberately choose to delete those parts - the reason for which are only known to them.

Either way, it shows the lack of maturity and moral hindsight of the newspaper in carrying honest, provocative and engaging articles about the country to the public.

It would be very sad indeed if we could not count on the country's media to fulfill this responsibility of theirs.

getting to know you

I had tremendous fun at the Freshers Camp in Tapah over the weekend.

I enjoyed minggling around with the juniors and just getting to know them. I derived great satisfaction from sharing my experiences and my naive and limited knowledge of life in London with them.

I guess I must have did more of the latter rather than the former because most of the juniors commented that I'm 'quiet but informative' - which makes me sounds like a computer or an information desk.

In addition, my mortal concluded for my letters to her that I might have disliked her; but I must admit that my first few letters to her were a bit impersonal by the usual standards. Anyway, I have apologized and cleared up the matter with her so I pray that no lasting damage is done.

I guess I'm just the kind of person who takes a much longer time to warm up to new people. But once I do, I think I'm quite an easy person to get along with - but I rather leave that judgement to my friends to make.

I mean, I am very sure of the validity of the first sentence but the second one is pure speculation on my behalf. I guess in the matters of the heart, incessant mutterings are sometimes more preferable than ambigious silence.

Apart from the juniors, I cherished the fact of being able to meet up with the seniors from my batch and the ex-committee members; I am happy because I was able to get to know some of them very much closer during the camp, more than I ever did in the past 9 months in London.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Joo Hong for being such a great, loyal and admirable company during the camp - from the moment I retrieve you from Wei Chieh in Ipoh till the very last day of the camp.

The same gratitude also goes out to Jian Jiao and Cheng Chun. I enjoyed those small talks we had either over breakfast or during BBBQ; it was great fun spending time with you guys and hope we could continue being close friends.

Thank you to Winston for allowing me to tease you about your weight; I would like to assure you for the umpteenth time that you are not fat and you should not worry unncessarily about it, because worrying can induce overeating in some people which will make you fat. Really.

Thank you to Song for bearing with my peculiarities, quirks and sheer incompetencies which I might have inadevertently exhibited throughout the camp. I am grateful to have you by my side.

Thank you to Stone and Wesley for giving a truly moving and fitting presentation of the Malaysian Night. I think your presentation did justice to the pure essence and drive of the production besides reminding us the great times we once had doing it.

Lastly, my highest congratulations to Chuan and Wei Chieh over the smooth and succesful running of the whole camp; your tenacity and enthutiasm have helped tremendously in making the camp a huge hit among the juniors and seniors alike.

I went to the Freshers Camp with hopes of forging close ties with the juniors and to share all that I could with them in preparation for their departure. But in the end, I discovered something that is not so external but equally important which I had nearly overlooked- the relationships I already had with my friends.

I have come to realize how lucky I am to be in their wonderful company and the many insights I've gained through my friendships with them. They have certainly made my life in London a lot less lonely and a lot more richer and meaningful.

It was an honour and a pleasure indeed.